


Season 2: Don't look back

by M_K_Dockery



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen, Welcome to Sanditon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 48,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25705636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M_K_Dockery/pseuds/M_K_Dockery
Summary: Set five years after the Season one episode 8 parting between Sidney and Charlotte.I just finished my story The River and the Man and wish to have a foot still planted in Sanditon.I am not promising the level of (PROPRIETY) in this one. I will see how the characters act.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker, Eliza Campion/Sidney Parker
Comments: 857
Kudos: 906





	1. Chapter 1

Cobbled stones lined the new streets that had only just formed from the muddy tracks that were once unavoidable. The sea breeze whipped between the various new buildings that were not there merely five years before. 

Wide eyes drank in all the details from the fashionable people that moved to and fro on their missions for the afternoon. Years before it was the fisherman, and humble tradesmen that once were the predominant occupants of the town. 

“What do you think my dear?” came the familiar voice of her dearest companion and friend. 

Charlotte Heywood was back in Sanditon once again, and it had grown even more grand than it had once promised to become from the miniature she had once seen in Mr. Tom Parkers study. 

“Oh Susan, things are indescribable,” she whispered with awe as she looked upon the white and tan Portland stone of the new buildings that had replaced the older wooden ones that once graced the newly cobbled streets that not even two thirds of London could boast. 

“Our apartments have already been secured and I wanted to be sure ours was the best view,” Lady Susan said with her serene smile. 

Charlotte replied in kind, her grin reaching from ear to ear. “I can't thank you enough,” she said looking upon her friend in earnest. 

Lady Susan clicked her tongue in disbelief. “Oh tosh my dear, all our years of being my companion and still you don’t acknowledge my selfish nature at all.” 

Laughing inside Charlotte leaned back as the large carriage made it’s way down the street to their accommodations. 

“A whole summer season here and not Brighton," Susan sighed. "I wonder if it will be so very different.” the older woman wondered looking out her window appraisingly. “At least the streets are not so dirty any longer.” 

“That would be the work of the Parker brothers I am sure,” Charlotte said as she went past Trafalgar House, her stomach doing somersaults. It was so very different than it had been when she had said her tearful goodbye’s. 

Shaking the memory from her mind she turned to her friend trying to forget the pain of the past or the fact it often led to memories of clifftop kisses or tearful partings. It had taken her an entire year not to cry at the thought of him, or their very near happiness she had almost found. She had not come back to Sanditon despite frequent requests from Mary to come in the first three years since. 

The last two years she was without invitation and she had been relieved to not come up with an excuse, but now it was Lady Susan that bid her to come. Sanditon had grown in popularity as long hoped and desired and as such her now closest friends frequented the city which had changed so much of her life. 

The carriage soon halted. Lady Susan gracefully exited the carriage first, followed by Charlotte. The second carriage followed behind and stopped. It carried the servants and ladies maids. Susan just went inside without noting the very fine mason work that adorned the exterior, but Charlotte stood a moment to marvel at the refined and elegant curves and she remembered Mr. Stringer the Younger. She smiled as her hand touched the stone and wondered what had come of him? Had he written her it would have been a sign of an understanding between the two and there was none so she had not been able to know where the man had gone. 

Upon entering the lovely grand apartments she noted the white and black checkered floor, and the gleaming white of the walls and columns. 

Charlotte's wide brown eyes traveled up to the chandelier in the center of the grand entrance. “This is very grand.” she marveled. 

Susan rolled her eyes. “Charlotte, you have been a guest in some of the finest homes in all of England, how can you be so awestruck by this?” 

Charlotte looked around. “It is new and different from the designs I had seen in Mr. Tom Parker's study.” 

Susan nodded and put her hand down. “I think I will have a bath run, I am sore from travel and a bath would help I think.” 

Charlotte let the maid lead her to her room which she found was directly opposite Lady Susans and had the same view and balcony with double doors. 

No matter where she stayed as Lady Susan’s closest companion it never failed to amaze her the luxury that followed when accompanying such a wealthy woman where ever she went. 

Charlotte watched as the ladies maid unpacked her belongings and hung them in their respective places, the two settled her things for the next two and a half months. It seemed so strange to be back and the butterflies flew against her rib cage because soon she would see people who had not expected her at all. 

Looking out her window she could see the long sandy beach that beckoned to her, but by the look of the men holding their top hats, the wind was rather swift at the moment which made her decide to stay indoors. 

“Would you need anything else Miss Heywood?” the maid asked. 

Nodding Charlotte turned. “Lady Susan likes to have a cup of tea after her bath with a sherry. Please bring that to her rooms.” 

The two nodded.

“Anything for you Miss Heywood?” they pressed. 

She sighed. “A cup of tea would be welcome.” 

Going to her writing box she pulled out the effects she needed to pen a letter to her sister Allison. Earlier in the week, she had sent a letter begging for advice about a beau, but Charlotte felt she had no advice to give. 

Being Lady Susan’s companion had done nothing in the way of securing a marriage proposal upon the interested parties learning she was penniless. As to romance, nothing could ever grow without hope of marriage for her. Being twenty-four years of age she had minor dalliances, a few stolen kisses from a duke, and a few viscounts, but no hope of offers, and she was not looking for one at this point. She had also gone all those years without scandal which she was ever grateful for. 

She had only once thought seriously about marriage and that had been long ago. Lady Susan loved her and kept Charlotte in the utmost comfort. In truth, she could never expect more. 

It was growing dark and Lady Susan popped her head inside the partially open door hours later. 

“Come down and play cards with me.” she requested. “Lady Burell is intent on getting her pin money back.” 

Smiling to her friend she then went to finish scrawling out her thought. “One moment. I am just finishing a letter to my sister.” 

Susan leaned against the door. “Alison?” She asked. “Beg her to come, I really would love the female company.” 

Charlotte nodded. “She won't, she has a beau.” 

Lady Susan groaned. “What about the last one? The young strapping Captain Heart was it?” she asked trying to dig into her memory. 

“No, Gerhard. Captain Gerhard,” she answered. “He was only interested in one thing,” she answered. 

Lady Susan nodded. “Right, I quite forgot about that drama. I do hope she got over it.” 

Charlotte nodded. “Yes, it took a year, but you know how those things go.” 

Clapping her hands Lady Susan’s eyes went wide. “Come come, you must not let Lady Burell get back the money she lost to me,” she said with a glint in her eye. “Stakes are high my dear, I need your help.” 

Following her friend she went down to socialize and gossip about the town. Lady Burell had been in town for two weeks and already considered herself the town crier. 

There Charlotte learned that Tom and Mary Parker were at home, but none of the other Parkers were in residence. This relieved Charlotte considerably since she was trying to make a point not to run into anyone that might make things uncomfortable. 

Lady Susan rolled her eyes as she lost a hand while Lady Burell picked up the papers gleefully. 

“The controversy illustrious Mr. Sidney and Mrs. Eliza Parker and their young daughter are expected at weeks end,” her bright voice echoed in Charlotte's ears like an alarm. 

Sidney and Eliza shared a daughter! Suddenly Charlotte felt pressure in her chest. Could her heart actually still be in danger after so much time? 

The Lady Burell did not notice the effect her words had on her card mates and went on. Lady Susan listened and her brow quirked as she glanced at Charlotte for a reaction. 

“but that Mr. Parker is rarely seen with his wife at social events and Mrs. Eliza Parker,” she paused to take a breath. “she has many admirers.” 

Lady Susan smiled slyly and dealt a card. “So, not much has changed.” 

Looking at Lady Susan surprised Lady Burell laughed. “Are you well acquainted?” she asked. 

Lady Susan laughed. “My dear Lady Burell, have you not learned that my connections reach far and wide?” she asked and laid the card down and cheered since she had won that round and she scooped the prize to her. 

Charlotte wanted to melt into the chair rather than remain present during this conversation. 

Lady Susan so liked to teas Charlotte and now was a rare opportunity. “My dear friend Miss Heywood knows the Parkers better than anyone of us. Especially the middle one?” she quirked her brow devilishly. 

Charlotte felt her cheeks flame into a bright blush and she laid her cards down. “Actually Lady Susan, I win.” Charlotte eyed her cards smugly and Lady Susan erupted into laughter. 

“I suppose you have my dear. You cleaned us both out.” Lady Susan stood and laughed cheerfully. 

“Just what will you do with your winnings?” Lady Burell asked. 

Charlotte shrugged. “I don't know.” 

The visiting lady fanned herself. “two hundred pounds is no small sum. I hope you will give me a chance to win some back from you.” 

Charlotte shrugged with a smile glad their conversation about the Parkers had been left in the dust.


	2. Chapter 2

Three days in Sanditon and she was officially hiding and had hoped Lady Susan did not mention it for her shame was not something she wished to address. But now with the card in her hand, she knew that her avoidance would be vexingly obvious. 

“What is it, my dear?” Susan asked over breakfast. 

Charlotte handed the paper to her and winced. “Mr. Tom and Mary Parker are requesting to call here this afternoon,” she said with a sigh. 

Lady Susan nodded and smiled. “And you, I assume are going to slip out the back or hide upstairs as if you don't exist on this very plane. Really Charlotte, is this how this summer is going to go?” she challenged. 

Charlotte shifted in her chair nervously and reached for her tea and shook her head. “No, just for now. I am not ready to face them,” she confessed. 

“Does any of them know you are here?” Lady Susan asked. 

Charlotte shrugged. “Lady Burell is a bit of a gossip, they may have found out by now.” she looked down seriously. “They certainly know you are here.” 

Lady Susan nodded. “Yes, but it does not include you in the addresses… she reflected. If they knew you were here I do think they would mention a desire to reconnect.” 

Charlotte shrugged. “That very well may be, but I do wish to excuse myself from a meeting today. Please make my excuses if I am brought up?” she asked pleadingly. Her hands went up in a prayerful pose as she blinked innocently. 

Lady Susan rolled her eyes. “Of course. I shall lie for you.” 

Charlotte winced. “Oh please don’t guilt me. I just never expected to see any of them for perhaps another five years until you decided to come here.”

Lady Susan looked at her as if disappointed. “You seemed happy enough with it the other day." 

Charlotte sighed. "I was excited to see the buildings." 

Lady Susan shrugged. "You will face them next week at the ball. Perhaps even the former Mrs. C.” 

Shaking her head Charlotte went to drink. “She is Mrs. Parker now.” her tone was final.

Lady Susan rolled her eyes. “Rumor has it she is certainly something,” she muttered. 

Charlotte’s cheeks burned as she tried to will herself to endure this conversation. 

“I realize I probably cannot avoid them, but I wish to make it to the ball. There one can smile and be glad to see each other but conversation is difficult.” Charlotte bargained. 

Laughing her tinkling giggle Lady Susan bit into her sugary pastry. “Oh, my dear Charlotte you are never going to avoid the uncomfortable reality that you still love Mr. Sidney Parker. 

Charlotte felt burned by that accusation. “I do not.” she protested. 

Shaking her head not caring a whit about her companion's protest Susan reached for another fruit on the table. “Of course you do and are still in-love with him,” she said simply. “I would be very careful my dear.” she smiled teasingly. 

Charlotte opened her mouth in shock. “Did you plan this? Is this for some perverse entertainment?” she pressed. 

Lady Susan waved a feather at her coyly. “No of course not, but it will be entertaining. But I assure you this is not planned.” she smiled. “Well not entirely.” 

Charlotte shook her head. “I know you were bored in London, and you had a falling out with the Prince Regent, but please don’t meddle in this affair,” she begged. “It is ancient history.”

Lady Susan shrugged and looked up. “I never meddle, really Charlotte. What an accusation?” she looked hurt but Charlotte knew better. 

Excusing herself Charlotte went upstairs to dress, for the visitation of Mr. Tom and Mary Parker would be imminent. Tom was usually punctual if not early for he was an impatient man. 

Putting on a handsome burgundy dress she managed without a maid. Lady Susan insisted on the use of one when there were events but otherwise Charlotte liked to maintain her independence. 

Pulling a tan overcoat she chose the widest rimmed bonnet to hide her face best. She had bought it the previous week on account of coming to Sanditon and she wished a way to hide herself. 

She had sat for a half an hour with her bonnet in her lap expectantly as she wished to slip out when the guests arrived so as to limit their possibility of running into each other. 

Once she heard the bell ring she took that as her signal to run and run she did out the door and into Mr. Stringer. 

“Why Miss Heywood?” he asked trying to steady her with both hands. 

Charlotte looked up at the familiar face of her old friend and she reached out and covered his mouth. 

“Shhh!” she commanded and then took him by the arm and they ran down the back street. 

“Miss Heywood!” he said stopping and looking awestruck at her. “What are you doing here, and why are you being so strange and secretive?” 

She turned and looked at him after making sure the coast was clear. Some people looked on with curiosity but none of which she knew. 

Finally getting a good look she smiled to see him dressed in a stylish but useful black suit and top hat. If not for his smile and voice she might not have immediately recognized him. 

“I am just trying to keep a low profile here,” Charlotte answered with an embarrassed smile, but she knew he was a friendly soul and would forgive her odd behavior. 

“What about you?” she asked and smiled at his suit. “You seem to have done well for yourself. You look quite the gentleman,” she said brightly. 

Mr. Stringer smoothed his jacket and the suit under. “Well, I have my own firm now. I have contracts in Sanditon, Brighton, and London.” 

Charlotte smiled and she looked down. “I think your father would have been proud.” 

Mr. Stringer smiled and nodded. “Yes, but he would have been hard-pressed to admit it,” he said with the familiar tone of sorrow she recalled even when his father was alive. 

Charlotte looked about. “Well, I was headed for a walk along the beach. Would you join me and tell me what you have been up to these past five years?” she asked. 

He looked to her with his crooked smile and nodded. “I would be honored Miss Heywood, but only if you tell me the same.” 

With the waves crashing to their left it was Mr. Stringer who ventured to speak first. “I went to London right after the pavilion was rebuilt.” 

She smiled and nodded. “I always knew you would.” 

He smiled. “Were you there?” he asked. 

She nodded. “Yes, during the London seasons I was. Lady Susan is a very active socialite and I have been her companion for nearly four years.” 

“You have never married?” he asked and then blushed tongue-tied. “I apologize I just wondered…” 

She struggled to answer. “I fear I am no longer the marrying kind.” she winced and vaguely recalled Sidney speaking of such a subject with a very similar sentiment. 

Stringer frowned at that reply. He did not know just what to say to it. 

“You have no married yourself have you?” Charlotte asked with a glance then looked forward into the distance. 

James looked up and then down unsure of how to answer besides the obvious no, but that did not feel adequate. 

“I have not the good fortune of a wife, yet. I was too busy in my trade, then in building my firm. I have had such little time to form such attachments since…” He hesitated not knowing if he should be entirely honest. “...well since I was younger,” he answered suddenly nervous like a schoolboy. 

She nodded. “You are still young are you not?” she glanced at him and thought him about the age Sidney was when they first met. 

Mr. Stringer laughed. “Not yet thirty,” he answered with a chuckle. “And you are still young Miss Charlotte, there is still much time,” he said with a wink. 

She blushed and rolled her eyes as she looked away and out to sea. 

“Will you be at the ball?” he asked. 

She nodded. “Unfortunately, I cannot get out of it I am afraid.” 

He frowned. “You used to like balls, and dancing if I am not mistaken.” he reflected. 

Charlotte shrugged. “Not when there are so many from a past best forgotten in attendance,” she answered with a chilly tone. 

Mr. Stringer shook his head. “Come now, you cannot regret all the connections made here, now can you?” 

Feeling shamed for the selfish feelings that returning to this town had bubbled up in her she shook her head and turned. “No, you are quite right. I suppose I have been running from it all for too long. There are many I should be glad to see again and fear of meeting others should not prevent that.” 

He smiled moving back in stride with her. 

“Lady Susan knew in London to warn me when a Parker might possibly attend a function and I managed to avoid them all four years I have been with her. That coupled with the fact I have not had a letter from Mary in nearly three years,” she winced in remembrance. “I suppose that has been my fault in not replying to the last number she sent.” her shoulders sagged as if tired of it all. “I should not have come back here.”

Mr. Stringer shook his head and turned. “No, I am glad you have come back. You have been missed, You may not have been here long, but you left your mark all over this town though only a few know it.” 

She looked up into his earnest eyes and felt tears come to her own. 

“I know you sacrificed your heart for it…” he whispered. “You got more right to be here than just about anyone else.” 

She felt her lip tremble but turned and breathed as she looked out to the crashing waves again and she could see the plentiful number of bathing machines that lined the edge of the tide. 

“Please, it is in the past,” she whispered. 

He nodded. “O’course, I just want it clear that I understand you, and what happened." he said tenderly and she turned to him with a tearful smile. 

“You were always easy to talk to,” she said with a smile. 

He shrugged. “I always found you to be just as easy,” he confessed as they continued their companionable stroll.


	3. Chapter 3

Half-past four, Charlotte at great length ventured the risk of sneaking back into the Sanditon apartments. Careful to step cautiously she entered the kitchen where the cook looked upon her with confusion and curiosity. 

“Just what are you up to young lady, sneaking through my kitchen?” Mrs. Claudet said waving a brown wooden spoon at her. “And the mud on your shoes.” she clicked her tongue. “And your hem is ruined.” she shook her head. “Much too fine of fabric to be traipsing in the muddy sand.” the woman chided. 

Charlotte looked down to the soiled hem. “It isn’t ruined, I can manage cleaning it myself it if puts anyone out.” she retorted as she sat down in the chair exhausted. 

“Bell says she could see you walking the beach with a gentleman.” the cook asked as she stirred the pot. 

Sighing heavily she untied the bonnet on her head with a sigh. “Yes, Mr. James Stringer. He was once a friend when I was here last.” 

Mrs. Claudet laughed. “A friend? I wager he was a suitor.” the cook said and noted the shy blushing expression on the young companion of her lady. 

Waving the woman off Charlotte stole a tart from the counter where it cooled and fingered it carefully. 

“Stop that now girl, you will burn your mouth!” the woman waved a rag at her now. 

Heels clicked on the tile outside. “Is that you Charlotte?” Lady Susan’s voice came through and the door opened. 

Turning Charlotte smiled. “They are gone?” she asked. 

Nodding Susan smiled. “Yes, the senior Mr. and Mrs. Parker haven’t the foggiest notion that you are here. Let alone that you have been my companion these many years, or that you are here now,” she said meaningfully. “How they have managed that tells a lot about their levels of self-absorption…the goings-on here must be quite immersive,” she said clasping her hands in a dignified way. 

Charlotte chewed the hot treat and tried to speak but the cook beat her to it. 

“Miss Heywood was seen on a beach walk with a young gentleman.” the woman’s bright blue eyes went wide. “Alone.” her last word smacked of judgment. 

Lady Susan turned and regarded her almost proudly. “Really, Charlotte, how indecent.” 

Charlotte’s cheeks burned. “He is just an old friend.” 

Lady Susan laughed as did the cook. “The look on your face.” the cook said brightly as the women laughed at her expense. 

“You already met him five years ago,” Charlotte protested. “Mr. James Stringer,” she said hoping her friend would stop her teasing. 

Lady Susan stopped her gaiety for a moment. “The strapping young man who won the races at the regatta?”

Charlotte again blushed thinking of the description of the man and nodded. Strapping wasn’t quite enough, especially not in his present fit form….she thought of seeing him just a short while ago. He had a tall and muscular frame that looked better in a suit than most gentlemen and bespoke of his harder body beneath the layers of quality fabric. 

“Well, he still seems to be in the races me thinks?” Lady Susan in their common spoken metaphors.

The cook frowned. “And what race is that?” Though she knew about the Parker debacle she had no notion of this Stinger chap. 

Charlotte rolled her eyes and stomped out as if she were twelve years old again. “Honestly, I can’t manage when you two both are teasing. I will be in my room.” Charlotte said hastily excusing herself. 

Lady Susan stifled a laugh and looked to the cook conspiratorially. “Oh, I entirely forgot to tell her we are expected for dinner at Lord Barnes dinner tonight.” 

The cook shrugged and laughed. “Oh, I don’t think she would mind. She likes the old Lord.”

Susan smiled. “Yes, but there might be others in attendance that she has the dearest wish to avoid.” 

The cook's eyes went wide with impatient surprise. “Now who is that, your ladyship?” 

Susan sighed and picked up a tart and bounced the warm pastry in her hand on account of its temperature. “I am not positive, but perhaps Lord and Lady Babington, any one of the Parkers. I am not entirely sure of Lord Barnes nephew Sir Radmore who is the new owner of the Crown Hotel and gambling house so the connections might invite more dinner guests than she is ready for.” 

Mrs. Claudet wasn’t without extensive experience into the motives of the great and powerful lady she worked for. Lady Susan enjoyed intrigue and drama, and the months of late had been minorly devoid of the usual entertainments and the cook feared Charlotte was now the main focus. 

“That nephew, Sir Radmore is handsome is he not?” the cook asked putting the bowl down. 

Susan shrugged and nodded. “Yes, but he frequents the London boarding houses…” she raised her brow. “He could have the pox for all we know.” 

Mrs. Claudet shrugged not having the topic sensibilities other ladies of Susan's stations had. You could talk of near anything with the older woman. 

“Houses of ill repute, common enough.” the woman muttered.

Lady Susan laughed. “Don’t we know it,” she said with a trill. “Oh, I suppose it is time to get ready.” 

“When you gonna tell Miss Heywood that she could be going into the lion's den?” the cook asked picking back up her bowl and whisking it with a disapproving eye and looked her mistress up and down as if she had a fair right to. 

Susan looked away in avoidance, “I was hoping not to tell her and see what happens. What is the point in warning her if no troublesome person arrives?” she asked rhetorically as she turned to leave. 

The cook shook her head and muttered to herself. “No good, no good can come of it,” she said stirring heavily. 

Upstairs Charlotte heard a knock and turned. 

“Yes?” she asked looking up from her book. 

Susan smiled and her but Charlotte could sense hesitation. “I just came to warn you to ready yourself for dinner tonight, we are obliged to attend on Lord Barnes.” 

Charlotte’s eyes brightened. “Lord Barnes is here!” she asked sitting up recalling the dear older man she had come to know in London when their paths managed to cross. He was occasionally very ill and oscillated between good health and near death. 

Lady Susan nodded. “He thought it well for his health to take to the sea, but Brighton was too populated for his tastes,” 

Charlotte had to scoff, “He did not anger the Prince Regent too did he?” she asked poking her friend back.

Lady Susan shook her head. “How many times must I tell you Charlotte, I am the one who is angry at Prinny.” 

Charlotte rolled her eyes dramatically. “Right, that is why you won't go to Brighton,” she said unconvinced. 

Going to her wardrobe she pulled out a deep blue dress. 

“You never where white anymore…” Susan observed the dress Charlotte picked. “It is such a lovely color on you that enhances the blush in your cheek.” 

Charlotte nodded. “It also feels very girlish, and now I am not that, I feel dresses of color suits me better.” 

Lady Susan nodded. “I agree, but can't deny the crisp white is complementary to your complexion and so what if it makes you look youthful.” 

Charlotte frowned with a quizzical expression. “Are you strongly suggesting I wear white?” 

Susan grinned and nodded. “I am,” she confessed. “after all Lord Barnes loves to be surrounded by beautiful youthful women, and if the white suits you best all the better.” 

Charlotte laughed. “I know, but he is not like that with me.” Recalling his often salacious and rambunctious humor hinting at the rouge the aged man had once been. 

Clicking her tongue Susan smiled, “Wear the white,”

Charlotte smoothed out the first dress before putting it back. She was used to the occasional strong suggestions which were veiled orders. Being Lady Susan’s companion Charlotte knew she lived at the great ladies whim and for all her eccentricities Susan had been good to her. 

Putting on a lovely cotton linen dress she paired it with a more luxurious blue and red shawl with red shoes. A ladies maid came in shortly to prepare her hair and other necessities. Pulling out a small ruby teardrop that Susan had lent her she finished off the look and smiled. 

Observing herself a moment in the looking glass she noted her cheeks had narrowed, and her lips had grown deeper in color if that was possible. Pinching the apple of the cheeks to add color she smiled and deemed herself ready for the company of the evening.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not heavily re research, assume Georgiana was independent at 21. (i forget if she was going to be 21, or 25 at the age of majority.) I know historically with females it was often 25, but for arguments sake for this story 21. 
> 
> May in the end go back and adjust ages later.

Entering the comfortable and lavish apartments of Lord Barnes Charlotte smiled and blushed at his warm compliments. 

“Oh my dear, if I had known I would have the pleasure of your dear company I would have invited you sooner!” the wrinkled man said clasping her hand tightly. “You remember my nephew?” he asked shakily looking to the man who was Lord Barnes's great-nephew. “Sir Radmore?” he asked. 

The man stepped forward. His dark and carefully combed hair bespoke of his refinement. “No Uncle, I do not believe I have had the pleasure until this very night, though I must confess I do believe you have many admirers.” Sir Radmore said charmingly showing his attractive smile. 

Charlotte blushed as she curtsied. In truth this gentleman's reputation preceded him. 

“You and I are at the same advantage. I have heard some interesting things about you, sir,” she said coyly and looked to Susan who’s eyes sparkled their usual way. 

“Charlotte?” came a voice from across the room and her momentary flirtation with Sir Radmore came to a close as she turned around to meet the dark expression of a familiar face. The one who she neglected to say goodbye to before leaving Sanditon five years before. 

“So you have finally come back.” She glared and crossed her arms smugly. 

Charlotte smiled nervously. Her nose moved up a fraction betraying the discomfort she was feeling. “Miss Georgiana Lambe,” she said brightly trying to smooth over this reunion. “It is so good to see you!” 

The gathering had looked on with curiosity while Charlotte wanted to curl up into a ball and be forgotten for at least long enough for her to forget about where she was.

“Is it?” Georgiana asked tartly. 

Charlotte summoned the courage to step forward and face that which she could not five years before. “It is.” she reached for her former friend's hand. “Could we talk, perhaps not with so many eyes upon us?” She begged. 

Georgiana regarded her a moment and then stepped to the side. 

“I am so sorry,” Charlotte said when she deemed they had sufficient privacy. 

Georgiana shrugged. “What for? Leaving without saying goodbye, or just never writing me in over five years?” 

Charlotte cringed. “I didn’t know what to say,” she confessed. “The pavilion burning and….” 

Georgiana blinked and rolled her eyes impatiently. “And my guardian marrying that vile creature.”

“It was too painful,” Charlotte said in hushed whispers. “I did not mean to hurt you, you were a dear friend to me, and I truly felt quite wretched leavings things as they were between us.” 

Georgiana looked to the side and relaxed her expression becoming more welcoming. “Oh, I suppose I could have written to you and demanded an explanation. I thought you were afraid I would have said ‘I told you so’ about Mr. Sidney Parker.” 

Charlotte blushed. “Shh…yes…” she said nervous others would overhear. “I was a little afraid of that.” 

Looking at her curiously Georgiana smiled. “So, did you go home?” she asked. 

Charlotte nodded. “For a few months, then Lady Susan asked me to come and stay with her for a season, and she hasn’t sent me away since.” 

Georgiana looked to the grand lady. “So you are her companion?” she asked and quirked her brow. 

Charlotte nodded. “Yes, I attend parties, the theater, and many events among other things I manage her household sometimes.” she smiled. 

Nodding Georgiana smiled and fanned herself since the sitting room was quite hot on account of Lord Barnes so enjoying the warmth. 

“What about you?” Charlotte asked and looked around the room then back. “Any husband, or intendeds?” 

Georgiana laughed. “My fortune makes that very hard. I never know if a man wants me for me, or my money. Otis was lost at sea when he-“ her voice hitched a little in memory of the man she still loved even when all seemed lost. “I am sorry, He was going back to Antigua to make his fortune.” 

Feeling a crushing sadness Charlotte recalled the devilishly attractive young man she had met, and how sweet his voice had been when he sang. Regardless of the ill he caused, he had loved Georgiana and Charlotte had seen it on that one perfect afternoon. 

She felt a fit of burning anger inside her at the love and opportunities lost for others and it helped her forget her regrets. 

“Do the Parkers know you are here?” Georgiana asked directly.

Charlotte shook her head. “I am so nervous to face them too. I am afraid I shared only a handful of letters with Mary before I stopped writing entirely. I do fear she will want an explanation and she does not know as much as you about the whole situation.” She huffed nervously and took offered Champagne and sipped it hoping to calm her growing nerves. 

“Well, Sidney is going to be completely thrown by seeing you.” Georgiana scoffed. 

Charlotte blushed. “Surely five years it should be enough time for comfortable civility to form,” she said trying to brush off the butterflies that had turned to dragons in her stomach. 

Georgiana scoffed again louder this time. “Really? Charlotte, you are still so idealistic.” 

A young lady she had not been introduced to sat down at the piano and Charlotte blinked and shook her head. “Forgive me but, is that…?” she could not form the young girl's name in her head but she had been one of the charges of Mrs. Griffiths. 

“Phillida Beaufort.” Georgiana nodded. “She is now twenty one and there are severe pressures on the poor thing to make a good match. Sir Radmore is the quarry but he seems disinterested though she is rather pretty.”

“And where is her sister…” Charlotte tried to remember her name and caught it a half a second later. “Lydia Beaufort?” 

Georgiana winced. “She made a rather unfortunate match according to her family, though I think she is the happiest woman I have ever met.” she smiled satisfyingly. 

“What about you? How can you still be Miss Heywood?” Georgiana asked shocked. 

Taking a deep sigh she shrugged. “Any gentleman in my station would not fit in the world of Lady Susan, and anyone in her world would be dissatisfied with my lack of fortune.” she sighed. “I am fortunate in my friendship with her and would not change it for the world.” she smiled. 

Georgiana frowned and blushed as she stifled a laugh. “You are not her lover are you?” 

Charlotte’s jaw dropped and she shook her head. “Heavens no, what a notion. Georgiana, where have you gotten such an idea!” 

“What idea was that?” Sir Radmore came near and winked at Charlotte eliciting a blush and a desperate look to Georgiana not to divulge the true nature of their conversation. 

“Oh, we ladies have our secrets.” Georgiana smiled in her friendly way. 

Sir Radmore smiled and looked up in such an alarming way Charlotte looked between the two and wondered what their connection could be. 

“I had not thought business partners should have secrets from one another.” He said teasing. 

Charlotte looked at her friend in surprise. “Business partners?” she asked. 

Georgiana looked to Charlotte and nodded. “Yes, I am the 'silent' co-owner of the Crown Hotel and gaming salon,” she said with a self-satisfied expression. “It has shown itself to be an exceedingly lucrative venture.” 

“So Mr. Parker is no longer your guardian?” she asked surprised. 

Georgiana frowned and nodded. “Well, I am of age.” 

“You two have a history it seems.” Sir Radmore smiled as he looked between them. 

Georgiana nodded. “We do, and that history is none of your business.”

Sir Radmore frowned intrigued and turned his head in a way to pout. “Oh come now Miss Lambe, I simply must know.” 

Georgiana shook her head. “Charlotte’s is an old friend and her business is not yours I assure you. You nosey man. I swear you are worse than Lady Denham and Lady Burell combined.” 

He smirked and shook his head. “I am wounded, my fair and equal opponent,” he said playfully and drank from his glass. “I suppose I shall seek a more welcoming company since it is obvious that this one holds guarded intrigues, but I caution you, I intend to eves-drop,” he warned. 

Georgiana shook her head. “Don’t mind him, he is harmless provided you know ahead of time that he is a complete scoundrel.” 

Charlotte looked at the man's retreating back and considered herself fairly warned and this time she would heed it.


	5. Chapter 5

Smoke swirled and the brandy and whiskey flowed in the new Crown Hotel accompanied by the gentle quiet tune being played on the piano.

“What’ll it be gentlemen?” Sir Radmore opened his arms welcoming the men who had just descended into the lower floor of the Crown Hotel. 

The club was full but for the center table where he sat and shuffled a deck of cards. 

“Cards will do nicely don’t you think Crowe?” Sidney Parker said directing his head to the table occupied by the owner of the establishment. “Give you a chance to get a little of yours back.” He said with a smile. 

“Upon my word Sidney you say that nearly every time. Ply him with brandy and take him for all he has on him,” Lord Babington said taking off his coat. “I am calling you out my old friend.” 

Sidney smirked and clapped him on the back as they went to sit. 

“You say that now, but you never see how I pay handsomely for some beautiful woman to care for him until dawn.” he smiled crookedly. “I have half a mind to think he loses on purpose just so he does not have to claim he spends it on women of the darker arts.”

Smiling knowingly Sir Radmore looked over. “I have only two women like that here if that is your aim.” he nodded in the direction of two beautiful courtesans on the arm of one guest. 

Sidney frowned and turned to look behind him to observe the ladies with their low dresses showing the pink hint of nipples and he groaned. “The Crown Hotel is a brothel now…” he remarked disapprovingly. 

“They are not mine.” Radmore looked at his cards seriously. “If I had girls they would be of a finer caliber,” he said reaching for his brandy. 

Nodding at the excuse Sidney laid a card down and took a drag from his smoke. 

Lord Babington spoke clearing his throat from a stiff gulp. He had a losing hand and had trouble not showing his tells. 

“Lady Denham would have you shunned out of town if she ever caught wind of woman of that ilk in here,” Babington said looking casually their way only mildly interested. 

Sir Radmore laughed. “The old woman is now deaf after that firework display two years ago. She hears not a single word now as we all know.” 

“She can still read.” Mr. Crowe said sighing frustratedly for he too had a losing hand. 

Sir Radmore smiled. “Speaking of ladies I just had the pleasure of meeting a certain young lady that won't easily leave my mind,” he confessed mischievously. 

Sidney nodded. “Don’t you have an intended?” 

Shaking his head. “No, not at present.” Sir Radmore continued. “The young Miss Beaufort is hopeful but I am afraid I am not as keen as her family seems to be on the match.”

Sidney nodded his head. “Best you think of settling down before this honest establishment becomes a den of iniquity. 

“Oh, stuff your marriage advice,” Crowe snapped and turned to Sir Radmore. “This lady…What she look like?” He asked abruptly changing the subject as he leaned forward interested in details. 

Leaning back in his chair Sir Radmore he felt sure he had a good hand. “Nutbrown hair, and the darkest wide brown eyes I have ever the pleasure of looking upon.” 

Sidney looked away disinterested as he smoked and waited to be dealt one more card and responded in upping the bet. Wide brown eyes came to his mind and he took a drink to wash it down and to forget. 

“I am out.” Lord Babington sighed and took another drink from the barkeeper. 

Sir Radmore leaned forward tossing another item in the pile and waited readily to show his cards if only Sidney would meet the bet. “I think you may already know her.” he smiled showing his straight white teeth. 

Sidney sighed and shrugged. “I can't imagine who you are talking of,” he answered putting a small stack of notes on the table deemed equal. “Sanditon’s visitors become more varied by the season.”

As Sir Radmore laid out his cards he continued to show his hand. Looking up he saw the serious expression of Mr. Parker and he looked bored with the topic but interested in the pile of winnings before them. 

Sidney closed his hand indicating his loss and the winner smiled a pleased grin. “She is an old acquaintance of Georgiana I hear.” 

Sidney looked up to him now more interested. 

“A Miss Charlotte Heywood,” Radmore said sorting the winnings before him, collecting them into piles. 

Both Lord Babington and Mr. Crowe coughed into their drinks while Sidney looked like he had just taken a right hook,

“Ah, so you all know the lady?” Sir Radmore asked them. 

Crowe leaned back and eyed Sidney waiting for an answer, and when none was forthcoming he smiled and shrugged his shoulders. 

“Yeah, I know the minx.” Crowe wiggled his eyebrows. “Quite a girl I dare say.” 

Sidney’s jaw clamped hard as he processed the information and reacted to his closest friends talking about the woman he still thought of every day. 

“So there is history?” Sir Radmore looked to Sidney. 

Sidney reluctantly nods. “We are acquainted.” he sighed and sat forward a fraction. “She stayed here five years ago with my brother Tom and his family,” he answered. 

Sir Radmore frowned. “So you are old friends.” he nodded understanding. 

Sidney cleared his throat. “You could say that, but the connection is…old.” he tried to weigh his word carefully. Struggling to not give away the tumultuous feelings that roiled inside him. 

“Miss Heywood is the companion of Lady Worcester and has been with her for many years now,” he said readying to shuffle again. “Another game?” he asked. 

Sidney shook his head as his mind turned. “Another time. I should get back, I have a lot to check on in the morning. Prey excuse me, gentleman. 

Crowe frowned. “But I thought you promised to allow me a chance to get my money back?” he protested. 

Sidney turned and patted his hand on the chair. “There was your chance Crowe, we both lost.” 

Sir Radmore frowned but laughed at the statement as he dealt cards to Lord Babington and Mr. Crowe all the while noting the troubled expression upon the face of Mr. Sidney Parker. 

He looked to the two men beside him and wondered if either had any more things to say on the matter but it seemed both of them were interested in other things.


	6. Chapter 6

A brooding dark figure stomped the newly cobbled surface as the lanterns were tended on the corners and the passers on the street knew to step aside to avoid the volatile man. 

Mr. Sidney Parker stormed into the night along the familiar streets he helped build with an ache awakened and spreading through him. 

Finding a leaning pile of lumber he shoved it over in his frustration. Had all this been worth it, he wondered as the beams loudly fell to the ground causing some to look out their candle lit windows to see what the fuss was about, but he did not slow and trudged on. 

Knocking hard on a familiar door he let the pounding echo through the house. 

He could hear his brother flustered on the other side of the door as opposed to the door man. 

“What could it be at this hour. There better not be a fire.” said the familiar voice as the door opened. 

“Oh, Sindey! What a-“ Tom started in his robe. 

Sidney looked impatient as he looked around him. “Cut the pleasantries, Tom, this is not a social call.” his voice bit coldly. “How could not tell me she was here?” he paced out of the entrance as he anxiously tried to express his frustration. “How could you keep that from me?”

Mary popped in. “Tom! What is all this about?” 

Tom blinked confused in just his shirt and braces and trousers. “I haven’t the foggiest notion my dear,” he replied and tried to think. “She… She who?” he asked. 

Sidney groaned and stopped where he stood. “Miss Heywood of course.” 

Mary was the most stunned of the two. “Charlotte is here? In Sanditon?” she felt excitement but then some confusion and hurt passed over her eyes. 

“Upon my word brother, if she is here this is the first I am hearing of it.” Tom swallowed, still trying to understand why his brother was ranting about a girl none of them had seen for five years. 

Sidney still paced. “You swear?” he asked still agitated and ready to explode. 

“Come inside Sidney, before someone sees you out here,” she said thinking of how it looked. 

Pushing past the door Sidney went to the study. “Why is she here?” he muttered and felt like he was losing his mind. 

“What is all the fuss over Miss Heywood?” Tom asked and looked at his wife as they followed him inside their darkly lit home. 

Sidney looked up and realized in his effort to bury her from all verbal thought and now it just spilled out of him. “I can't believe you never realized,” he said with a sigh and leaned on the mantle. 

“Charl-“ Emotion caught in his throat as he was about to say her name for the first time in years but caught himself. “Miss Heywood and I had an under-“ he winced. “We almost had an understanding.” he corrected himself. His eyes were very dark from the firelight casting shadows. 

Mary’s hand went to her mouth in shock as she sat down on the pink upholstered chair. 

Tom still confused stepped forward. “An understanding? That was when you and Eliza-“ 

Sidney scoffed and nodded. “Don’t be daft Tom, I had no feelings for her then…we needed a lot of money,” He looked down regretfully referencing a time no one spoke of anymore. 

With Sanditon thriving Tom’s idea did manage to take off, but for Tom, there had been little profit, however for Sidney it had been significant. 

The truth was Tom was fortunate that the investment had been able to recover enough that the saving investors still made a tidy profit, just not himself. 

“Wait, I know that the marriage has had its difficulties, but there is Flora and you positively adore her,” Tom said seriously. 

Sidney nodded. “She has been the only solace in the bargain made for the good of the family, but she too came at a price.”

Mary shook her head. “I should have known.” she swallowed her cheeks burning. 

Sidney glanced at her. 

“I was so foolish back then,” she confessed. “Charlotte wrote to me quite often after the end of the season, but right when I started asking her to come back for the following summer her letters were full of excuses, then they came less and less.” she stood. “I never understood what had happened. I think I do now…” she looked up. “I fear it was all so very badly done.” 

Tom shook his head. “That does not explain why you are on my doorstep at near midnight about Charlotte. It has been five years, surely there is nothing now between you.” 

Mary gasped. “Don’t be so foolish Tom, Sidney could very well still love her. And she him.” 

Sidney looked to Mary and winced. He did still love her, at least who she had been then. There was no telling who she was now. She could have also been a figment of his imagination like Eliza had been. It had been so long he did not know. All he understood was he was absolutely turned around at the moment compared to how he felt ten minutes ago.

Scratching his stubble Sidney shook his head. “I am not sure she was quite on the same level I was.” He smiled in nostalgic reflection. “She disapproved of me most of the time.” 

Mary shook her head. “I am sure not.”

Sidney shrugged. “It would have only been fair. I disapproved first.” he sighed heavily feeling fully ashamed of his reaction tonight. Stepping to the side he bowed his head. “I will be off. I have bothered you enough for this night,” he said seriously. 

Tom stepped fast and stopped him at the door. “Sidney, do you know with whom Charlotte is staying with?” he asked. 

Sidney nodded. “She has been the Lady Worcesters companion for some time.” He put on his hat. “You manage the letting of the apartments, which one is it?” he asked. 

Tom turned and went to his stack of papers. “Mr. Stod’s took it down here. She took GrandView. Among the best, we have to offer.” 

Sidney recalled the GrandView Terrace. It had been his design. An arrangement in cooperation with the vision of Mr. Stringer. Eliza had wanted to live in one of the four lavish apartments there for when they were in town but Sidney had refused, determining those should be reserved for the other wealthy that would come, and it had been a sore point for the woman. She refused to come out besides for the necessary events. She had done so even despite Sanditon’s growing popularity. But leaving a luxury Sanditon house vacant nearly two-thirds of the year was silly. 

Exiting Trafalgar House his steps had slowed as his feet led him to Grandview Terrace. His eyes lighted on the large brightly lit windows and he could hear the faint sound of laughter as the second-floor balcony doors were flown open wide. Standing a moment he tried to hold his breath for any audible queue. There he heard it, mixed with that of two other feminine voices that drifted out into the street. He could not make out the conversation but he recognized the laugh and it made his heart hammer all the harder.


	7. Chapter 7

Staring at her reflection in the ballroom Eliza approved of the flush in her cheeks brought only by an afternoon of passion.

Sidney regarded her as he handed her a glass of Champagne. “You look well,” he said casually. “Spent the afternoon with the Marquess?” he asked grimacing as he looked about the heads on the dance floor as if something tasted badly in his mouth. 

She shrugged, uncaring about her husband's discomfort, and smiled smugly. “Oh, you are not going to feign jealousy, are you. You have your own dalliances, as do I.” she whispered fanning herself as she smiled to the youthful Marquesses glancing her way with a bold and knowing smile. “It is our unspoken understanding is it not?” 

Sidney clenched his jaw from the embarrassment he had to endure publically on the occasion. 

“I thought it was not spoken of,” he said under his breath as he took a drink and his eyes searched the crowd for Miss Heywood whom he had now over twenty-four hours to process her proximity but not sure how he would feel when he once again faced with the last woman he wished to give himself over to… 

Eliza looked upon him with an irritable sour expression which was common enough in private but rarer in public for they worked hard to portray a united front, for Sanditon and Flora. 

“You grow obvious Eliza,” He cautioned. “People talk, and we both don’t wish that for Flora.” 

Eliza blushed and fanned herself. “I am careful.” 

He shook his head and moved his roving eyes. “That is the trouble, you never really are.” 

Tom stepped into his view. “Sidney!” The call one could always count on hearing when they were in the same vicinity. Still, as ever it rankled him. 

Leaving the company of his wife with a stiff nod he went to his brother who seemed in need of him. 

“What is it Tom?” he sighed and still looked around still impatient with the situation. 

Tom nodded and looked nervous. “I want to apologize for my ignorance all those years ago. I confess I thought wrongly that perhaps the fire had happened to bring you together after so long… But it had actually taken you from someone better for you.” 

“She was the choice of the family and not the choice of your own.” Tom continued seriously. 

Sidney shook his head and looked away uncomfortable. “This is neither the time nor the place for this Tom.” 

Tom nodded agreeing. “But there never will be a right time brother.”

Nodding seriously he put his hand to his brothers back and led him to the side of the gathering space. 

“It can’t be helped Tom, nothing to say now.” he clapped him forgivingly. “It is the past.” 

Tom shook his head. “I know but I just can't help but see your misery more clearly You must hate your obligation to this town.” 

Sidney nodded. “I do, And I have… but I am a man of my word, and so I will see this place thrive. I have sacrificed enough for it at this point.” 

Tom nodded “More than any of us have.” his voice said wrung with regret. 

Eliza joined him. “Sidney, I think we should dance, won't you offer your wife a turn?” she asked glancing at the small group dancing. “We must make an example.” 

Sidney clenched his jaw and handed off his drink to Tom and reluctantly guided her to the floor. 

—-

Charlotte peered through the curtains as they waited to be announced. 

“Come now Charlotte you shake like a leaf.” Lady Susan said observing her friend and though this situation was compelling it was fraught with anxious emotions from her friend. “It is just a man from your past.” She whispered. “Surely you must face him some time.” 

“What is wrong with the poor girl?” Lady Burell fanned herself then Charlotte. “Is she stricken?” 

Lady Susan shook her head. “Heavens no, Charlotte is not weak in her constitution.” Lady Susan looked penetratively at Charlotte to act poised. Lady Burell was known as the town gossip and if she knew about anything it would be across the entire town before the four dance commenced. “Charlotte drank a little too much.” she made up an excuse on the spot. “I encouraged her.” she rolled her eyes feigning shame. 

Lady Burell frowned and looked at Charlotte to be sure and then moved forward. “Then she best not drink more,” she muttered to them and moved on. 

Susan looked to Sir Radmore, “Ah, Sir Radmore, would you do the honors of escorting Charlotte in?” 

Mr. James Stringer came to Charlotte’s side. “I would request the honor, Lady Susan, and you and Sir Radmore can precede us.” he offered with a smile. 

Charlotte blushed and grinned to him and accepted his arm as Sir Radmore looked a touch disappointed but gallantly smiled at the beautiful Lady Susan as if it was no trouble in the end. 

“Thank you, Mr. Stringer,” she said with a thankful smile. “I confess I do not know Sir Radmore that well,” she whispered. 

Mr. Stringer nodded. “No one really does. He came around when Miss Lambe came of age, many thought they were possibly an item but it seems they are not,” he said as they moved closer on the announcing line. “Mr. Sidney Parker is on good terms with him so I don’t give much thought to him.” 

She nodded. “I heard he and Georgiana are business partners,” she commented. 

He nodded. “Yes, that is a fairly new development this last year they bought out the Crown and it had just been refurbished. They paid a large sum for it, but I trust in a few years it could be worth it.” 

She frowned and looked ahead of her thankful for the conversation to calm her nerves. 

“You are a vision tonight Miss Heywood,” he said noticing the pink flush of her cheeks and the fine clothes she wore that accentuated all her beauties. 

Charlotte sighed. “Thank you, Mr. Stringer. Lady Susan buys my clothes and dresses me how she wishes.” 

She looked down at the deep wine red of her simple silk gown. Her breasts were gathered high in the low cut dress which drew attention to the decolletage and the sparkling emerald necklace she wore that belonged to Lady Susan nestled teasingly into the cleft of her breast. 

She blushed again noting that Mr. Stringer had noticed. 

Coming to the Ballroom their party was announced, “Sir Radmore, accompanying Lady Worcester.” 

Mr. Stringer offered her a familiar squeeze of her hand. “Shall we?” 

“Mr. Stringer with guest,” the announcer said and hesitated while Mr. Stringer leaned down to whisper her name. “Ah, Miss Charlotte Heywood.” 

Charlotte’s eyes took in the splendor of the ballroom and then she noted a central couple on the dance floor that was suddenly out of step.


	8. Chapter 8

Sidney had just been trying to ignore his partner, spinning her and passing her off to the next partner, sighing relieved when a new partner came before him but as soon as he could breathe Eliza was back in his arms, trying not to acknowledge her sour face as she tried to pretend to enjoy her husband as her partner. 

“You could try tonight Sidney,” she whispered. “I know we spend little time together but you could try to put some effort in when we do.” 

He looked away his mind trying not to argue. His mouth knew better but when he let his mind dwell on his anger with her over past and present disagreements it often spilled over in some way. His temper had never been too level in the past.

Forcing a smile on his face he gripped her hand tightly, so much that she winced. 

“You are in a mood tonight,” she looked up at him and frowned. 

Sidney shook his head. “I am just not of a mood to be told how to act when my wife spends her hours from our child and acts the whore…” he spat. 

She rolled her eyes. “Flora is nearing five. She knows no difference” she said. 

The announcements were being called and he tried to listen but his wife kept talking but then he heard it. Her name announced. Stumbling he turned his head to the front and tried to keep dancing but his feet were tripping over Eliza’s. 

“Do have care, Sidney!” Eliza said confused as she nearly fell. He held her hand and steadied her but his eyes were at the front of the ballroom. Pulled there and centered on a figure he had scarcely believed stood there. Their eyes met but he sensed fear and hesitancy in the pools of her eyes. 

“Sidney!” he heard his name spoken in frustration as he stood rooted to the spot lost in the moment. 

Wincing he felt a harsh poke in his ribs. “Are you listening, people are looking at us and we have ruined the dance.” 

He looked down confused and shook his head and then looked around seeing that they had indeed caused a scene. 

“Apologies. I must have a pebble in my shoe,” he said releasing her hand and straightening himself while glancing to Mr. Stringer who lead Charlotte confidently to the gathering. Charlotte's eyes were no longer on him and she smiled charmingly as she was introduced to someone. 

Eliza smiled at the dance partners around them and made excuses loud enough that the gathering could understand his misstep. 

Eliza's false smile fell and looked in the direction of his eyes. “Lady Worcester has come, and on the arm of that Sir Radmore.” She said and squinted. “That young woman with her is familiar is she not?” 

Sidney did not answer as they left the dance floor. Once there he felt his eyes follow Charlotte and he tried to not cause a further scene. He had an entire day to understand and accept she was there, and to act accordingly but at that moment his heart pounded in his chest and he felt disoriented. 

“Sidney!” Eliza said impatiently. “What is the matter with you?” she asked. 

Looking to her he shook his head. “She is Miss Heywood, do you not remember the girl you had cut so viciously at the first regatta five years ago?” 

Eliza turned and looked now suddenly curious as she recalled her brief and weak rival. “Miss… still not attached and a spinster at this point I suppose.” she regarded the girl triumphantly. 

Sidney shook his head. “Excuse me,” he said and swiftly left her side and made his escape. 

Eliza stood confused and looked around her. 

“Your husband is not in the spirit tonight,” a tantalizing whisper came at her neck as a gloved finger traced her bare spine above the scoop of her dress. 

Eliza took a passing Champagne glass from the tray offering as it passed. “No, though he never really is,” she muttered. “It is an act, as with all things between us.” She said bitterly. 

The younger man came to her side now and stood with her. “Would you like to dance my dear Mrs. Parker?” he asked her. 

She sighed with frustration. “My husband is in a mood, dancing with you just might set him off.” she flashed a glance at the young Miss Heywood and watched as the Lady Worcester and her move with ease through the crowd. Lady Worcester was practically Queen Bee where-ever she went and this occasion looked to be no different. As a result, all eyes were often on her and the younger woman. 

Lord Sellac smiled at her and shrugged. “Perhaps I shall ask that delectable morsel Lady Worcester brought. I do think that maybe the accomplished Miss H spoken of on occasion in London?” 

Eliza frowned shocked. “You know, I think you could be right.” she laughed. “I thought the cherished companion of Lady Worcester was supposed to be largely reclusive and selective in her associations.” Eliza smiled her eyes flashing as she thought of the salacious gossip about the guarded favorite of the powerful woman. 

Lord Sellac shrugged. “It is always more fun where there is an air of mystery.”

Eliza shrugged. “There is really no mystery with that girl. She by her own account I heard once from her own mouth was that she was a farmer's daughter.” 

The Marquess’s smiled. “Good, then she would know how to be mounted in a most primal way.” 

Eliza blushed and felt her stomach flip. She had won a race against the girl once, it looked like they were destined for another match. “You can’t be serious my lord, even you have standards.” 

He smirked. “I did, and then there was you. I suppose my standards are becoming lax,” he said bluntly causing a pang of embarrassment flash before her face. “I think I shall go over and beg an introduction before she dances with that Mr. Stringer.” 

Eliza was left confused as she took in the complicated social engagement and now she could not find Sidney, Good heavens, where was that brooding animal of a man she knew as her husband?


	9. Chapter 9

Coming to the balcony Sidney heaved a great shuddering sigh of relief that no one was already there. Stepping out to the railing he saw the scene before him and took a moment to just marvel at seeing her for the first time in so long he had stolen breath. 

Looking down he had a good vantage of how she seemed familiar still with Mr. Stringer and how her eyes lit up when leaned down to speak with her. 

Even under the chandelier, the candlelight cast her pink youthful apple cheeks in an alluring glow and not in the way of painted ladies. On her, it was a natural manifestation of her beauty. She had not aged. He shook his head. That was because she was still young where he was just a miserably settled middle-aged man. 

A fool for the bargain he had made.

Turning his attention to his wife he found her looking displeased with her Lord Sellac leaving her to join another group. His heart hammered realizing that his wife's current lover had noticed Charlotte…his Charlotte. 

He could not stop the acquaintance from being formed. His hand slammed against the railing and he felt the impact and inwardly cursed and turned his back on the throng wishing his life had gone anyway but the way it had. 

He looked at the space before him. He had stood there two times before with her, and both had been so profound to them both. He had hurt her there and intended to rewrite the memory with his proposal. Change the memory by offering her his heart and all that was. 

The fates had been cruel, and it seemed they did not smile upon their union and so saw fit to prevent it at every turn.

One thought, one person turned his thoughts from regret…. Flora, he had to think about her. Leaving the balcony he turned from having to endure watching Charlotte dance with another. Not when he could still feel her in his arms when they had last danced. How he had not wished to let her go of her hand and held her closer than the song accommodated, but then he looked up and his eyes had met Eliza’s and in a single instant his path was laid, and it was away from her though at the time he hadn’t known it. 

He bumped into a stranger as he made his way outside to the terrace. He needed to clear his head and calm this uncontrollable angst that he found himself drowning in. 

— 

Charlotte had seen him on the balcony with his back turned. Somehow that only served to worry her more. He was noticeably troubled to see her and it should not be so difficult. He was a married man and she was happy as she was. 

Taking a glass of champagne that was offered she drank it readily. 

“Oh well my dear, I would slow myself or abstain completely. Honestly, you could be mistaken for an ale woman.” Lady Burell fanned herself and gave her a disapproving look. 

Charlotte blushed and entirely forgot that Lady Susan had excused her nerves on account of having something to drink before arriving. 

Charlotte shook her head. “Just thirsty.” she sighed and put the glass down now empty and turned with a gasp to find Tom, and Mary before her. Tom bowed formally to Lady Susan and Lady Burell, while Mary curtsied and exchanged a nervous glance her way. 

“Lady Worcester, Lady Burell, wonderful to have you both in Sanditon,” he said warmly and turned to Charlotte. “And Miss Heywood, Sanditon is honored with your long-overdue return. You have been sorely missed.”

Charlotte bowed her head and smiled appreciating his gallantry and good manners. 

“We wish to renew our acquaintance with you, Miss Heywood,” he said and looked to his wife. “I know that it is among the greatest wishes of my wife.” 

Charlotte smiled and nodded. “I would too very much wish that.” 

Mary smiled nervously. “How long are you to be in Sanditon?” 

Lady Worcester fanned herself. “I do believe we will be here the entire season.” She said watching the exchange with rapt interest. 

Upon that news, Mary looked at Tom happily. “Oh, we are so glad to hear it.” 

Mr. Stringer looked at her and smiled. “Would you do me the honor of this dance Miss Heywood?” he asked her just as another face joined their group. Lord Sellac paying homage to Lady Worcester he assumed. 

Charlotte nodded. “Of course Mr. Stringer, It would please me greatly,” she said taking his offered hand. 

Passing another platter of champagne she took it and gulped while Mr. Stringer suppressed a laugh. 

“I thought you could use the escape.” He said. 

She nodded as he took the now empty glass from her. 

“Is it true that you drank before coming here?” he asked as they took their places. 

She blushed and shook her head. “I was nervous about meeting the Parkers again. I am afraid I have not been a good friend.” 

He nodded. “Sometimes it is hard to look back, I struggled coming back here after being in London. But I am glad I did.”

Charlotte laughed. “Why?” 

He looked up charmingly. “Well I would not have run into you if I hadn’t.” he smiled. 

She laughed. “We could have met in London.” 

He scoffed. “I may be more of a gentleman now, but do not mistake me for one of the club. I don’t often move among the higher echelon unless I am working for them.”

She looked down sad that even with his success he still had to fight for his right to be there. 

“That is a terrible pity,” she said as they continued their conversation. “Thank you for pulling me away just then. It is hard to say what is necessary with so many people watching. 

Georgiana arrived with Sir Radmore quickly at her side and fanned herself as she looked for the fire that she expected. Sure she missed it as she watched Charlotte dance with Mr. Stringer. 

“I see your friend Miss Heywood is already partnered with Mr. Stringer. Aren’t they the fine pair?” Sir Radmore observed. 

Georgiana rolled her eyes and turned from him. “You only say that because I warned you to stay away from her. She isn’t a plaything.” she chided him. 

He laughed. “Who said anything about playing?” he asked. “But she does look the thing in that dress does she not?”

Rolling her eyes she finished the gesture off with a frustrated side glance. “I have seen her hurt before and I never saw her again. I will not see it happen a second time. I am warning you or I will tell your uncle the truth about our dealings.” she leveled the threat. “Stay away from Charlotte Heywood…” she enunciated. “Do you understand?” 

He nodded. “I heard you the first time.” 

She looked him up and down. “I have little confidence in your hearing.” 

He leaned in and whispered. “Come now Miss Lambe, we are business partners and friends are we not?” 

Looking at him she cocked her head. “I would not call our relationship a partnership, more like, puppeteer,” she gestured to herself, “and puppet.” she pressed her index finger into his chest. “You get to look like you actually have some value, while I don’t tarnish my reputation by owning a hotel or gentlemen's club. It works for both of us, but do not forget. You are on my payroll.” 

Sir Radmore blushed and flashed her a smile. “I have not forgotten, I just thought you would have more grace than to speak it so harshly. Playing the game of society is important which is why I am on your payroll…lest you forget that." he warned seriously. 

She glared at him. “I hate you most days, you know that?” she asked. 

Sir Radmore laughed. “Yes, but you seem to hate everyone at some time or another. The fact that you hate me most days means you think of me often and that is flattery in the extreme, Miss Lambe.”

She huffed as he took her hand to lead her to the dance floor.


	10. Chapter 10

Having danced most energetically with Mr. Stringer for two dances, he asked to dance another set and Charlotte panted. 

“Perhaps, after I have caught my breath,” she answered feeling flushed. 

James smiled and nodded. “Aye, would you like another glass of Champagne or punch… I won't tell Lady Burell.” 

Charlotte glanced at the woman and smiled. “I am sure she would guess,” she answered. “I will just have a moment,” she whispered and looked around still unsure where Sidney had gone. 

Her eyes met Eliza’s and she frowned wondering if Sidney had left. 

Something about the thought did not comfort her. “I see young Miss Beaufort lonesome over there. Perhaps you could do a turn with her. I know she would very much enjoy that.”

Mr. Stringer followed her line of comment and smiled seeing the young Miss Beaufort sitting alone looking sullen and depressed. 

“I think I will,” he answered. “I do dislike to see a disappointed face on a pretty young lady.” he smiled to her and briefly kissed the back of her hand. 

Charlotte turned and sighed taking another drink as she went. Sipping it now as opposed to gulping she went to the terrace. It was hot and inside she felt she could not breathe. Perhaps the sound of waves along the sea would be curing. 

Stepping out she could smell the sea air and it calmed her but it was a distant sound. Closing her eyes she tried to imagine standing at the edge of the surf with it filling her senses. 

Sidney had seen her come out but hidden in the shadow of a plant as he smoked to calm his fevered nerves. In silence, he just took a moment to watch her. How her delicate sloping shoulders rose and fell. Or the becoming color she wore bathed in the light of the ballroom. He was close to her now and without any idea of what to say. Any approach of address would either seem weak or too strong. 

He struggled with a war inside him to hide, or come out of the shadows but soon he felt compelled to face this terrible reality that the woman who consumed his dreams and filled his days with thoughts of bitter regrets was there, in the flesh before him and nothing was any different. She was still as far from him as when they parted. 

“You are a vision tonight, Miss Heywood,” he said finally causing her to startle and jump. Her eyes looked on the point of tears in an instant and he felt the need to move closer but remained rooted to the spot. 

“Mr. Parker,” she said breathlessly. “I um…” she did not know what to say and pressed her gloved hand to her forehead. “I am sorry,” she turned flustered about to leave but Sidney reached out to stop her. 

“Wait, wait,” he found himself whispering. Begging her to remain. 

She froze and turned. “For what?” She blinked tearfully and he could see her unravel. “Five years and it still hurts,” she admitted and realized what she said with self-disgust. Humiliated that she was still this raw from it. 

He stepped closer to her. “Yes… I know the condition well, though never more sharply than in regards to you,” he whispered. “Five years and I am still that man who watched your carriage disappear and I let it.” his eyes searched hers, breaking and reveling in the shared misery of their parting and joy and elation that he has not been alone in that.

“I should not have returned with Lady Susan, but I confess curiosity did compel me. To see that it was all worth it.” she looked up at him. “Sanditon is thriving.” she nodded as he watched her wanting to close the distance. 

Scoffing she shook his head. “For everyone else, it has been worth it, but for me… It has been a sore point in my life everyday since I -“ he shook his head. “I go too far. I am just glad to see you and not all at the very moment and am not.”

She turned and smiled sadly. “Why couldn’t we just meet and be glad for the other?” she asked. 

He could not answer as he leaned closer drinking in her words. 

“You have a wife.” she shrugged. “A family, and children,” she said and turned again. “I am sorry, this is my fault…” she left before Sidney could stop her and re-entered the ballroom. 

Sidney let out a shuddering growl of frustration, then startled seeing another come from the side of the building clapping slowly. 

The taunting rhythm of the act riled him all the more. 

“Bravo Mr. Sidney Parker.” came the crowing voice of Lord Sellac. “I had thought it was a monk's life for you but I could have sworn you were about to take that young lady in a most inappropriate manner.”

Sidney turned to face him. “It is none of your business what I do,” he said eyeing the man. 

Lord Sellac put up his hands innocently. “No judgment my friend.” he laughed. “I just have one question…” he came closer and pulled out a smoke and offered Sidney one which he refused upon principle. 

Sidney waited for the question briefly paralyzed by the events of the night. 

At length, Lord Sellac lit his smoke and then smiled casually. “Is she the reason your marriage is a false one and always was?” he asked. 

Sidney ground his teeth and he felt a pang of anger in regards to Flora. 

Stepping closer Sidney was taller than him by a little but it was not enough to intimidate. 

“What has my witch of a wife told you about us?” he asked with venom lacing every word. 

Lord Sellac shrugged. “You know your wife, she can talk often and at great length if given free rein. She had led me to think you have no physical relationship. I assumed that was your choice since your wife has quite the appetite.” he flashed a cocky knowing grin. “I now see it could be you love another,” he said with a shrug. “I never quite understood celibacy… You are a better man than me in that,” he said and clapped him on the arm as if friends. “Don’t trouble yourself, your secret is safe with me,” he said and winked as he walked by him. 

Sidney left the terrace and chose to walk Sanditon, and burn off this rage and fear that fired inside him. He had to protect Flora and it seemed now Eliza was not of the same mind.


	11. Chapter 11

Charlotte reentered the revelry which had become even more energetic. She smiled to see Mr. Stringer was still dancing with Miss Beaufort and she was all smiles. 

“Miss Heywood,” she heard a familiar voice and she wiped her eyes quickly as she turned to see Esther and Lord Babington. 

Charlotte smiled brightly seeing the two. The last occasion she had they had just been married and she the maid of honor and witness standing alongside Sidney. 

“I just heard this morning that you were in town.” Esther said composed. “I had half a mind to call on you,” she said. “But little George is teething and could not abide any other company but his own tired and frustrated mother.”

Lord Babington smiled brightly. “It is good to see you again here in Sanditon Miss Heywood.” 

Charlotte smiled and tried to hide the confliction of her emotions. “Thank you, Lord Babington.” 

Esther smiled. “I have been an awful friend,” she confessed. “I do believe I stopped replying to your letters.” she blushed feeling genuine remorse. “Becoming a mother to two sets of twins, and a more recent edition took away my head for words.” she shook her head. “Honestly some days I don’t even know how I get out of bed.” 

Lord Babington rolled his eyes. “That is because you insist on caring for the children more than the nurse.” 

Esther did a sidelong glare at her husband effectively turning him to stone. “What you mean, dear husband is that your wife is a devoted mother,” she said seriously. 

He cleared his throat. “Yes, my dear. That is exactly what I mean.” 

Esther looked down and pursed her lips. “Have you had the time to renew all your acquaintances here?” she asked. 

Charlotte shook her head. “No not all of them. I confess I have been hiding somewhat.” 

Esther smiled and fanned herself. “I had assumed as much.” she sighed. “I will be walking the beach tomorrow afternoon with the older children. Will you join me?” she asked. 

Charlotte nodded. “I would love to.” 

Esther smiled brightly. “Good, I can have a stimulating conversation while the children run out there pernicious energy. 

Esther smiled at another guest. “Pray excuse me.” 

Lord Babington scoffed. “For all that she says, I have never seen a more active and devoted mother.” 

Somehow Charlotte could actually imagine that. Esther had always spoken as if her very life bored her. But then she showed such passion concealed inside her. 

“Five children in as many years. I am sure there is much joy in your home.” Charlotte observed looking around to see if Sidney had returned to the dance.

“Lord Babington,” Eliza approached. “Miss Heywood was it?” 

Charlotte found her throat tighten. “Yes, and how do you find yourself this night Mrs. Parker?” she asked politely. 

Eliza sighed, “Bored really.” she fanned herself. “And now I seem to have misplaced my husband.” 

Lord Babington’s brows raised. “I could go look for him for you.” he offered. 

Eliza brightened. “Oh, you are a dear, please.” She sighed relieved. “I don’t know what I will do without my beloved Sidney by my side, I feel utterly lost without him,” she said fanning herself and batting her lashes. 

Charlotte lifted another glass of champagne and sipped it as Lord Babington left their company. She knew that at this point she was not sure if it was her third or fifth at this point. 

“What brings you back to Sanditon?” Eliza asked. 

Charlotte replied trying to avoid the woman’s cold eye contact as if she were reading her like a book. “Lady Susan likes to come to the south coast this time of year. We usually go to Brighton,” she told her. “But she was interested in the horse racing here she claimed. She has a large stable near London and I think she is thinking of bringing some horses out here.” 

Eliza’s eyebrows rose in surprise. She had not expected it to be Lady Susan’s idea to come. She had almost believed Charlotte had come to Sanditon just to see how things faired and she was not about to say that things were not well between her and her husband. 

“I suppose you will stay for the whole summer?” Eliza asked. 

Charlotte shrugged. “That is dependent on Lady Susan,” she answered. “But I do believe that to be her intention.” 

Eliza’s face fell.

“Are you staying the entire season?” Charlotte asked politely and sipped more of the drink that was warming her and brightening her cheeks. 

Shaking her head Eliza looked at the gathering contemptibly. “No. I do not like to stay longer than a few days,” she answered. “But I may stay here longer than usual,” she said coldly. “There is much happening now and much to keep eyes on,” she said seriously, her eyes speaking plainer than her words. 

Charlotte nodded. “Indeed, Sanditon just seems to be bustling now. It is wonderful to see.” she smiled trying to gracefully withstand this uncomfortable conversation. 

“Mrs. Parker, finally I have found you.” Lord Sellac said seriously. “I have been following this creature for too long craving an introduction but every time I come close she is gone like a poof of smoke,” he said charmingly. 

Charlotte's inquisitive and increasingly drunken eyes looked from Eliza to this new gentleman and she could sense Eliza was not happy at the man's sudden approach. 

“Ah, Lord Sellac, this is Miss Charlotte Heywood,” Eliza said almost grudgingly. “Miss Heywood, Lord Sellac is the Marquess of Brentshire.” 

“My pleasure Miss Heywood.” he bowed his head as she curtsied. “May I ask a dance Miss Heywood?” he asked carefully as if approaching a wild animal. 

Charlotte smiled hesitantly. “I am sorry, I do not feel much like dancing. I am rather hot at the moment as is.” 

Just at the prime moment, Lady Susan came to her side. “Charlotte, my dear you look unwell. Please go back and rest, I will not be long myself. The Energy of this ball has me depleted.” 

Lord Sellac looked surprised. “I feel it is a jolly ball.” he protested. “I was just attempting to convince your young friend to grant me a set.” 

Lady Susan shook her head. “She is in my charge, and I can see she is not feeling well. I wish her to rest.” 

Charlotte smiled. “It was very nice to make your acquaintance, I think I will excuse myself,” she said softly. 

Lady Susan took her by the arm and walked her out to the carriage. 

“Are you well my dear?” she asked. 

Charlotte breathed a rather rattled breath. “No, I do not think I am.” she closed her eyes as her hand went to her head. “I talked to Sidney, I had to hold a conversation with that woman.” she cursed herself and her wickedness. Eliza had done nothing to her besides act as a rival which was no great crime. 

Lady Susan leaned in. “What did the tortured Mr. Parker say to you?” she asked. 

Charlotte shook her head. “It was not what he said. It was how and when he said it. It was so forward, so…overwhelming I did not know what to reply…” she huffed as she whispered. “I didn’t know what to do.” 

Lady Susan smiled and her eyes sparkled. “Where did he approach you? On the terrace?” she asked. “I saw you go that way after dancing with Mr. Stringer.” 

Charlotte nodded. “I think he is still in love with me.” she felt her stomach flutter but it could not be. He married his old love, the one he pined for twice as long. In another five years, he could have the same view of her. 

“Of course he is in love with you still,” she whispered. “Shh, my dear. Don't fash yourself about all that. Enjoy the town, and try to put him and that vile woman out of your mind. But if you have a trifling fling I caution you to be careful. Social ostracism is a worry and I would not like to see you go through that. 

Charlotte shook her head. “I could never,” she said vehemently. “He is a married man, and I know it is the woman who is more often injured.” 

Lady Susan nodded seriously. “You never know. There may be skeletons to uncover here and I am curious as to what they are.”


	12. Chapter 12

“She seemed flustered.” Lord Sellac sipped at his drink and looked to Eliza. “I imagine it was the meeting she had with your husband on the terrace.” 

Looking at the reaction of her face he smiled inside but let his face remain stoic. 

“I don’t know what you speak of.” she fanned herself deeply embarrassed now to know that Sidney and Miss Heywood had talked even before she could, sent her into a momentary panic. 

Now she could understand why the girl seemed overwhelmed. Was she afraid of ruination? The girl should be afraid. It would just take one word to the right woman and the girl's reputation would be in tatters. 

Looking out to the dance floor she searched now for her husband among the crowd and knew he was not there. 

“He is not here.” Lord Sellac repeated her inner thoughts as he noticed her looking about. “Your wayward husband did not return from his brief encounter with the delectable Miss Heywood.” 

She glanced over to him and glared. “Do you enjoy this?” she asked about his teasing ways that evening. 

Lord Sellac laughed. “I love to see you blush my dear,” he whispered. “Come, there are some secret nooks we could find. Your husband obviously won't miss you.” 

Eliza looked at him her eyes now dancing. “I am still in rapture from earlier.” she batted her eyelashes trying to reignite the tenderness and passion she believed they shared by pulling back a little

He chuckled and looked out before him. “Ah, I see you think to dangle the carrot.” he laughed knowing her transparent game and lightly put his drink aside. “The lovely Miss Beaufort looks pluckable. Look at those pink rosy cheeks, and those begging lips… I think I shall ask her for the next turn.” 

Eliza gasped as he abruptly turned from her. “No, Lord Sellac, she is just a girl!” she protested knowing how the things Lord Sellac wanted could ruin her forever. 

“Eliza,” Tom said coming near stopping Eliza from being able to stop her lover from dancing with an innocent girl. “You are looking very fine.” 

Composing herself she smiled at her marital relations. “Thank you, as you do my dear Mary and Tom…” 

Mary smiled but it did not reach her eyes indicating the repression of some emotions. 

“Flora very much enjoyed her excursion with her cousins this afternoon,” Mary said venturing a conversation with Eliza. 

Eliza smiled. “That girl is a wild thing, I do hope the delicate nature of your girls rub off on her.” 

Tom smiled and cleared his throat. “Where is my brother Sidney, I saw him a short while ago, but now I have quite lost him.” 

Eliza shrugged. “You know him,” she commented. “he often neglects me and keeps his attentions on his duties,” she said with a cold pouting expression.

Tom sighed and nodded. “He does often does take on more responsibility than he should. I am coming to see that now.” 

Eliza shrugged. “I heard he was on the Terrace a short while ago. Perhaps he could be found there,” she suggested. 

Mary sighed. “We looked, and now we cannot find Lady Susan or Miss Heywood. It seems most of our connections are leaving.” 

Tom shook his head. “Lady Susan leaving so early must have made others think this ball was a bore,” he said regretfully. “Perhaps I should have welcomed her better.” 

Mary touched tom’s front. “No my dear. Perhaps it was other matters.” she offered. 

Eliza frowned and wanted to ask what other matters. What did Tom and Mary know regarding this farm girl and her husband? 

“Come let us go speak to Miss Lamb and Sir Radmore before they too leave.” Tom said and looked to Eliza, “I shall be glad to offer you escort home if you cannot locate my brother.” 

Eliza looked about ready to protest but a woman walking home with her lover would ruin her own reputation, but walking home entirely alone in the dead of night was even worse. She reluctantly nodded feeling burning resentment that she might require his offer for she found few as odious to endure as Mr. Tom Parker. The only other person more so was the Lady Denham and she mercifully was far too unwell of late to attend balls. 

Feeling utterly alone she sipped her champagne as she watched couples dance and she could see gaiety on their faces and it could not mirror her own. She felt utterly used up and tossed aside. 

It was not that she wanted Sidney, but she had wanted him to desire her… It did not surprise her that he never did, she had been cruel to him in the past and for that, she did not put undue pressure on him. He endured her first for the sake of Sanditon, second for their reputation, and for the child. 

But it was becoming harder to come by a discrete lover. Admiration was harder to come by when you approached your mid-thirties. 

Fanning herself she tried to look like she was enjoying the spectacle but she was not. She wished to be back in London where no one was paying any attention too closely and she could slip away but even that felt pathetic. 

Waving her fan, with the charming illumination of the chandeliers she looked beside her and found no one willingly at her side. No one who truly wished to be there. 

Sidney had been that way once when they were young. Eager with a soft devoted smile, hanging off her every word.

Lord Sellac was nothing like that. He was twenty-six and acted the ruler of them all. He did not need her and it seemed though she admired him, his looks, his wealth, and his title, he did not admire her, and it seemed increasingly obvious he was tiring of her after their six-month affair.  
She flushed, the reddening spread to her neck as she felt increasingly hot. 

Putting the drink down she fanned herself and went to the terrace for some much needed cool air.


	13. Chapter 13

Charlotte took off the necklace she wore. The greenstone shone brightly in the candlelight but did not distract her as it usually did. 

She had sent the servant away and wished to ready herself for bed. The emotions this visit had released inside her threatened to spill over and she was unable to breathe even now alone in her room. 

Dropping the stone on the dresser she handled it with less care than usual and she pushed the back of her hand against her mouth to suppress a heartbroken frustrated cry. 

It felt amazing, and thrilling to know Sidney still thought of her, but his words were a blur inside her head. She could not even recall what he had said. Once his words had echoed so reliably in her mind but now in the blur of the moment, she could not remember anything but his achingly handsome face. His full lips that said her name… 

Throwing her brush she wiped at her eyes and was now frustrated at herself. She was acting like a petulant child throwing a tantrum. Picking up the brush she placed it delicately back on the table and took deep breaths to calm her champagne-fueled spinning. 

Knocking came from the door and she inwardly groaned. “Yes?” 

Opening the door Lady Suzan poked her head in. “Are you quite well my dear?” she asked. 

Charlotte shook her head. “No, I am a foolish lovesick girl still in love with a married man with a family. I have never been so ashamed of myself,” she said collapsing on the bed but still trying to stifle her tipsy emotions. 

Susan smiled sweetly and entered in fully, coming to the bed she gently took out some pins and tended to her hair. 

“Why did you bring me here?” Charlotte asked pathetically. 

Sitting up Suzan frowned. “There is money to be made here my dear, I thought to bring my horses. Then there was the fact you have not really entertained another gentleman in your mind or heart since. I thought better to get you to face the problem and move on.” 

Confused Charlotte sat up. “What?” 

Softening her expression into the usual compassionate friendliness she was most accustomed to. “Sidney was in love with Eliza once. Idealized her,” she said and her gaze dropped. “That was until he met her again, and saw the woman he thought he loved was gone.” her voice was simple in tone. “He realized he could love you, his heart was free too and so he did… What he had not realized was that he had already fallen madly for you,” she said in earnest. “I believe he first understood that at the Regatta, where you became aware earlier at the Ball in London.” 

Charlotte sighed frustrated. “Why are you telling me all this?”

The older woman wiped the tears from her face. “You need to face him to finally let him go,” she answered. “But I must tell you, there are rumors I have heard that their marriage is a ruse.” 

Shaking her head Charlotte stood and paced a moment. “It does not matter. He is still married and has a family with her.” 

Susan shrugged. “You still needed to face him again. And I could not avoid coming back here now that its popularity is well established.” she patted her hand. “I understand this is hard on you, but if you are ever going to let another in you must let Mr. Parker go in truth… not just in action.”

Susan saw the confusion on Charlotte’s face. 

“You told me the story, I can picture it as if I were there.” her friend continued. “He came after you just to give you both one more moment together. You both still stand on that cliff not letting the other go.” Her elegant brow rose indicating she knew the truth. “How will either of you be happy again?” she asked. 

Charlotte wiped at her cheek. “I am happy.” 

Susan shook her head. “No my girl. You are intelligent, charming, and lovely but I know the difference between agreeability and gaiety. You are a terribly sad girl, lost in your books.” she took her hand and patted it. “You are escaping even while I offer adventure you enjoy the distractions, but they do not fulfill you.” 

Biting her lip in frustration thought Charlotte looked around confused. “What should I do?” she asked. 

With a heavy sigh, Susan’s expression fell a little. “Endure it I suppose.” 

Looking down nervous Charlotte focused on her. “What would you do? I mean, if you were put in my position?” 

Lady Susan’s eyes raised scandalized. “I am afraid you would not agree with how I would approach the situation. I am a hopeless romantic Charlotte… I could not begin to advocate the way I would act and have acted in the past.” 

Blushing crimson Charlotte looked away and reached behind her to pull on the ties at the back of her dress. 

Susan stood. “You should have let the maid help you.” 

Relaxing as Lady Susan took over she glanced back. “You saw the state I was in… I did not wish for them to wonder.” Charlotte explained. 

Susan laughed. “You do not hide your emotions well do you my dear…” she laughed. “Neither does your Mr. Parker. Honestly, approaching you after all these years, alone on a terrace?” she chuckled. “No concern for his reputation or yours…” she laughed. “Do be careful my dear I am afraid that man could be in the midst of reckless misery. And that kind can be very foolish and lead equally foolish down the same path.” 

Charlotte’s stomach dropped. 

“Be on your guard my dear, and if you are of a mind to play that hand, do be very careful.” She warned. “Lady Burrell would just love to sink her teeth into more gossip and spread it like the plague.”

A chill went down Charlotte's spine thinking of that busy body.

Loosening her dress Lady Susan smiled. “I will have a nightcap sent to you, and I want you to put the whole night out of your head as best you can. Tomorrow I am sure you have plans.” 

Charlotte nodded. “Esther wished to walk along the beach.” 

Lady Susan smiled and nodded. “I shall excuse you from the tea I was invited to by Mrs. Paisle.” her eyes rolled. “You know how droll her company can be.” 

Charlotte nodded. “Thank you.” as she picked up the emerald and handed it back. “And thank you for that. It was lovely.” 

Smiling she took the jewel and held it in her hand. “You looked lovely in it my dear,” she said and turned kissing her on the cheek. “Sleep. Rest, Put it all out of your mind.” she comforted.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, warning...scary sidney here. But for continuity he was short fused in the season one. Imagine how he would be with someone he truly loathed but was stuck with then add a bunch of Whiskey. 
> 
> BOOOOM!

Crashing in the door late Sidney blinked drunkenly. Stumbling and clumsy but he managed to put his cane in the thing, he could not recall the name of it and he laughed. His anger was burning inside him but he only found mad humor. 

“Sidney, what have you been doing tonight?” Eliza asked now dressed down into her night-rail and her robe. 

He stepped closer and she backed up. She almost thought he was propositioning her which she knew he would never do so instead she was afraid. “Sidney, what are you doing?” 

He slid his hands around her throat. “You know it would give me great joy to choke the life out of you right now?” he said. “But I don’t fancy being a murderer,” he said squeezing her all the same making her heart pound. 

“You are drunk. Sidney, whatever has come over you?” Eliza questioned. “Please, I will scream.” 

He looked at her coldly. “Scream.” he challenged still fighting his inner demon that wanted her dead. Eliminated, like a cancer, excised. 

She felt tears rolling down her eyes she was so frightened. “What is it, you never put your hands on me!” she cried. 

He nodded. “Yes, but you have never gone so far as I have found tonight.” 

Eliza’s hand went to her stomach fearful. “What do you mean?” she asked her breathing difficult. 

He squeezed once again. “You have told your lover too much about our personal arrangement.” 

She sighed and grabbed his hand, “Oh is that all, Lord Sellac is trustworthy. And he does not know anything important. Just that we are not intimate.” 

He shook his head. “I am warning you. It is not just your own reputation Eliza, it is all of ours that hang in the balance,” he said coldly. 

She pulled his relaxed hands from her. “You should listen to yourself. With that Heywood girl, on the terrace." she tried to act shocked and angry. "Lord Sellac saw you and guessed something.” Eliza shook her head. “If only Miss Heywood knew what a brute you were she would-“

Sidney raised his hand to hit her but refrained. “I have never hit a woman I’ll be damned if I start now.” he turned feeling the alcohol-fueled rage. “Do you never think of anyone but yourself woman!” he shouted. 

She shushed him angrily. “Really Sidney, you will wake all the servants.” 

He grunted. “Or Flora. She does not need to see us continually at odds,” he muttered regretfully. “Miss Heywood knows exactly the kind of man I am. Five years ago she was open to my attention.” 

Eliza glared feeling territorial. Whores she could abide, but a lover she could not. Her claws were too weak against real feelings. 

“You can't be serious.” she scoffed. “Of course she was, you were a wealthy man, and she a simple country girl!” 

Sidney turned to face her solidly. “Miss Heywood had no designs on me until I gave her cause to. I led her on, and convinced her to feel something more for me.” he cursed still drunk and shocked he could carry on a conversation. “But in the end, I was not as free as I thought I was.” he laughed. “You know I only married you for your money and convinced by your lies…” he said and smashed the vase. 

Eliza shook her head. “I am going to bed. I will hear no more of this. You will cease your drinking when we are together do you understand?” she demanded. 

Sidney shook his head. “No, you are not really and truly my wife but you have us locked in this sham forever. And it is Flora that you owe thanks to for your protected reputation. I would not harm that girl for the world.” he vowed. “She deserves better than you.” 

Eliza slapped him hard and he shook his head. “Careful Mrs. Parker, your prisoner has become the jailer. You have no power over me anymore. Just Flora.” The drink made him bold and angry.

A bolt of fear ran through Eliza as she ran from the room hyperventilating. What was Sidney going to do? 

“Momma?” came a little voice from down the hall. 

She glared at the child. “Where is your nurse!” she shouted. “You wretched girl never sleep when you are told to,” she shouted. 

Sidney brushed past her. “There is Papa’s little princess. Tired I dare say,” he said forcing a smile for her benefit. “Let me tuck you in, I think nurse Willa neglected to tuck you in tight enough.” 

The little girl relaxed as her father scooped her up and shielded her from all her concerns. Her head nestled and rested on his shoulder in utter trust and surrender that even his anger ebbed from him. 

Flora had been the only good thing to come out of his emotional ruin. 

“You spoil her.” Eliza accused. 

Sidney turned and glared. “And you neglect her.” 

Eliza glared. “She is my daughter.” her voice like icy venom. 

Looking at the child in his arms. Her little ones hugging him tightly as her eyes closed in exhaustion. 

“Yes,” he looked to the woman. “You are her mother. That should mean something but it means nothing to you.” 

Eliza turned from the scene and slammed the door locking it as if he would ever venture in her personal lair. He never had, but it was the statement of it. She would not allow it now. 

Outside Sidney held the child and soaked in her calm and soothing breaths before carrying her to her bed and laying her down, tucking the blankets in around her. 

“I love you, papa,” she whispered as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. 

“And I you, sleep well princess,” he whispered. The regrets of the last five years released with heartbreaking gentleness of the love of an innocent child.


	15. Chapter 15

The gulls were flying behind the great passel of children as Charlotte approached Esther who was wearing a red wool pelisse and a smart yellow and red ribboned hat. 

“Oh Miss Heywood, thank god, I was craving stimulating conversation. I am afraid my attitude in the various colors of seashells quite disappoints the children,” she said with a smile. 

Charlotte was wearing a dark green woolen long pelisse and she smiled warmly in reply at the running children. 

“There are so many of them,” she said breathlessly. “I count five little heads but I know the most recent addition is a baby!” she giggled at a pretty blond with gentle curls. 

Esther nodded. “The fifth is Flora. Eliza, and Sidney’s daughter." her face was serious. "She is near the age of Henry and Sophia,” she said discussing her oldest set of twins.

Charlotte looked at the laughing girl. “Flora, Henry, Sophia, Cassandra, and Charlotte, come meet Miss Heywood!” she said brightly as the children ran about.

All of them lined up. Most of them wiggled and fidgeted but managed to put on a semblance of manners and shook her hand politely. 

"It is lovely to meet you all," she replied.

“Charlotte is named for you, you know?” Esther said with a smile as the children went back to running. “When they were born I felt simply awful for losing touch as I did… Instead of remedying it I just named one of them after you so that I would be forever reminded what a terrible friend I am.” she smiled. “You know me, I positively romanticize suffering.” 

Charlotte blushed and smiled. “I am honored.” she laughed as Esther did seeing the absolute madness in that logic. 

Linking her arm companionably in Charlotte's arm she leaned in as they strolled. “Tell me… Years ago we walked here much as we do now. Much has happened and changed.” she said seriously. “I once told you that you would regret ever coming here…. Was I right?” she asked. 

Charlotte frowned unsure how to answer. 

“I only ask because you have been gone so long, I imagined you wished us all from your life in the end. After what happened with Sidney…” she said and Charlotte again was still at a loss. 

“How did you-“ she asked breathlessly. She had thought none knew of her pain besides Lady Susan who was the only one who knew her secret. 

“Oh, you hid it all rather well. It was Sidney’s behavior after you left that gave it all away.” she smiled. “At least to me and my dear Stanley. I mean Lord Babington.” she looked at Charlotte wondering if she would inquire further. 

Charlotte's stomach dropped and she looked sidelong at Esther nervous to ask. “What happened?” 

Esther sighed. “You know how men talk. More open with each other than with us. Tongues loosened by drink.” she looked to Charlotte. “He said there was an understanding between you two, and that his heart was engaged with you and not Eliza.” 

Charlotte closed her eyes and tried to hold back tears. “There was no understanding.” she tried to smile convincingly. “I mean he implied there was the hope of an understanding but he never got around to asking.”  


Esther's brows rose in intrigue. 

Charlotte looked nervous. “He was about to ask me at that ball the night of the fire.” 

Esther's cheeks reddened and she looked ahead catching her children at play. “Henry you little devil, stop teasing Cassandra with that seaweed.” 

“Ah, I concluded as much. That night was humiliating for me, and devastating for you.” she smiled compassionately. “Oh my dear, I am so sorry.” 

Charlotte shrugged. “I am happy. Lady Susan is more than kind, and as her companion, she insists on dressing me in latest fashions and I have learned piano, and a little of the harp but I cannot practice it while we are traveling.” she smiled. “I have also learned a little french,” 

Esther smiled. “So you have become quite an accomplished lady.”

Charlotte nodded. “It was at Lady Susan’s insistence.” 

Esther looked down. “Have you gone to see my aunt?” 

Shaking her head Charlotte looked ashamed. “I am afraid I did not wish to claim an association that she might not reciprocate. After all, our only connection was through the Parkers and that is on shifting ground still, perhaps.”

Esther nodded and looked down. “Oh she had surely heard you are here at this point, and if you do not make a show to see her and soon she will take it as a slight.” the redhead cautioned. “She did so like you, you know.” 

Charlotte shook her head embarrassed. “I cannot see why. I was here such a short time.” 

Laughing Esther waved her off. “Don’t be modest my dear Charlotte.” she blushed. “I can call you Charlotte again?” she asked. 

Charlotte nodded. “Of course.” 

Esther smiled happily. “And then you must call me Esther, all this Lady Babington gets a little tiresome.” 

Charlotte laughed. “You are a lot warmer than our first meeting here.” 

“You were missed,” her friend said simply. “Silently, and rarely mentioned but your presence and then lack thereof went noticed by all In my estimation.”

Charlotte looked ahead. “Flora, she must have been born a year after their marriage I suppose,” she said bringing up Sidney and Eliza. 

Esther laughed. “Oh on that I should not gossip. All I know is shortly before their marriage Eliza claimed she was very ill and after their wedding which was much smaller than she had originally intended on account of her health. Shortly after they went to Bath for the waters and then on to the country. They came back the next season with a young infant and Eliza looked exceedingly well when we had all been told she was so very ill.” she paused and shrugged looking into the horizon. “Sidney was very quiet about everything. One thing no one could doubt is he seemed very happy with flora.” 

Charlotte could imagine. He was a good man around children. 

“She is lovely. How could you not be happy with such a little joy?” Charlotte asked hearing Flora’s lovely giggle and watched her chase down her friend Henry. 

Esther rolled her eyes. “Eliza cannot stand being around her. Sidney and Eliza do not live together in London, It is known but not widely. They come together for social events and such but they live separately. Flora is with Sidney most of the time and I believe that suits Eliza just fine.” 

Charlotte frowned upset by the knowledge that the child was so neglected by her own mother. 

“So the rumors are true that Eliza has lovers?” she asked. 

Esther nodded her eyes expressive as she confided in Charlotte. “Lord Sellac right now I believe. She and her lover grow less careful.”

Charlotte recalled the youthful Lord Sellac trying to coax her to partner with him the night before. She would now be on her guard against such attentions of a known rake. Like she had with Sir Denham. 

“What about Mr. Parker, does he too keep a lover?” she asked shyly, but the topic was so open she felt brave. 

Esther shrugged. “I have no notion. He is much more careful if he has had indiscretions it is not with genteel women.”

Charlotte shook her head. “How does he put up with it?” she asked. 

Esther sighed. “I think it is for Flora. And the scandal that would follow…” she looked to Charlotte sideways. “What about you? You are still not married but yet I know you have connections in the highest circles of London.” she shook her head. “Why are you not married. You are handsome. And last night easily the most attractive woman in the room.” 

Shaking her head Charlotte laughed. “No, but thank you. Lady Susan dresses me more than well and she has an even better dressing maid that works wonders.” 

Esther scoffed in her laugh. “Oh then do tell me where she found hers and I shall get one for myself post-haste!” 

“Do tell me then?” Esther asked. “Why have you not yet found a husband?” 

Looking down sad Charlotte shrugged. “I suppose I never found the right man.” 

Esther shook her head. “Even among all the eligible young men, you have met none of them were acceptable?

Laughing nervously Charlotte rolled her eyes. “I had my flirtations but my lack of fortune despite all my many connections was still never enough for real feeling of affection to be allowed to flourish. I never got my hopes up when a man looked my direction. I learned that lesson long ago.” 

Esther frowned and nodded. “Yes, I suppose you did.” looking into the horizon the woman smiled. “I know one thing, I am certainly glad you have returned to Sanditon.” 

Charlotte smiled but could not agree. Learning Sidney was in a miserable marriage was not comforting. It just pulled at her heart more. 

She counted the twelve more weeks they would be there and rolled her eyes as she tried to enjoy watching the children on the beach unable to help but imagine it could have been Sidney and her own children playing amongst Esther's beautiful brood. 

Just as she was thinking that the lovely blond Flora came up to her and pulled on her skirt and handed up a seashell. "Look! Blue!" she pointed. 

Charlotte beamed and nodded. "Yes, and purple." she pointed at the change in shade at the center. 

"For you." Flora said pushing it at her and running off to find other treasures.


	16. Chapter 16

Awoken by carriages rolling by Sidney groaned and looked out the bright offensive window and winced. 

“The devil,” he groaned as he rolled out of bed with a blistering headache. Visions of Charlotte flashed in his mind then the memory of his hands wrapped around Eliza’s throat and he shook his head and his heart hammered and he stumbled down the stairs in search of her. 

He found her sitting facing him. “Look at you, haven’t even shaved and it is half past noon.” she fluffed her little dog he hated because it bit Flora, and growled should anyone come near her while in her lap. 

“If you come to me with an apology, you can save it… I will have none,” she said looking through a book of fabrics on the table.

“Do you ever just shut up woman?” he asked impatiently. 

She looked him up and down. “You are in a mood,” she said. 

He shook his head and sighed satisfied that in his drunkenness he had not killed her, however in his hungover sobriety she was not made safer it would seem. He still wished to throttle her. 

“Where is Flora?” he asked. 

Looking disgusted Eliza turned the page. “Flora saw Lady Babington and her yapping pups and begged to join. I of course dote on her and said yes,” she said with false sweetness. “She is combing the beach for seashells and will no doubt return entirely soiled and muddied and in need of a new dress,” she said. 

Sidney rolled his eyes. Eliza found any excuse to shop and the only thing she took pleasure in regards to Flora was dressing her. It was something he encouraged but quickly saw it only fueled Eliza’s vanity. 

He scratched his stubble and reached for his hat and jacket deciding not to bother refreshing himself. He needed a walk and finding Flora and combing the beach with her would be just what he needed to get both his much-hated wife from his mind but also the other woman which consumed his mind always. 

“Where are you going?” Eliza asked only vaguely interested after the night she had worried he would pound down her door. Putting her finger to her head as he left she decided she was tired and would go back and rest. She left instruction to turn away all callers and gave into fatigue she blamed on Sidney for making her too afraid to rest the night before. 

Pounding the cobbled stones he looked down in serious thought. 

“Mr. Parker?” came a familiar voice. 

He turned and his bad mood still simmered. “Yes Stringer,” he greeted as warmly as he could for the moment which was clear to all. 

“I just wanted to tell you that I have the plans drawn up for the theater you asked,” he told him. “I could bring them at your leisure.”

Sidney frowned and nodded. “Yes, yes, I suppose I shall send for you, that is when I am ready,” he said seriously. 

Mr. Stringer nodded and tried to smiled good-naturedly. “Alright Mr. Parker, Sir.” He turned. 

Sidney was about to turn but curiosity overruled. “Say Mr. Stringer?” he called after the man. 

Leaning back Sidney looked at the man before him and took in his polished form. Though a man of trade, Mr. Stinger had risen high in both esteem and respect. And Sidney was a man of business, not much superior to the man before him. 

“I could not help notice, you and Miss Heywood entered the ball together last-night.” Sidney noticed how narrow Mr. Stringer's eyes went upon him. 

“Yes, and what of it?” the man answered. 

Sidney shrugged. “I just wanted to know if I was to congratulate you.” he lied. 

Mr. Stringer scoffed. “And would you?” he asked. “She is a good woman who deserves a good man. You are married.” he reminded him causing Sidney to wince. 

Sidney turned and looked about. “Yes, a fact I assure you I have never forgotten.” he cocked his head. “I wish Miss Heywood only happiness.” 

Mr. Stringer shook his head. “Watch yourself, Mr. Parker, you could break much more than your own reputation,” he warned him. “I say that as a man you do business with and hopefully as a friend.” 

Sidney frowned, wondering if the man before him had any designs on Charlotte still. Not that he would blame him. 

Shaking his head frustrated his top lip curled back in a grimace and he nodded his goodby and went back to his quest of finding Flora and looking at seashells. Anything to get his mind off her… 

Stepping over the small dune his heart sank as he recognized the figure of Charlotte walking with Esther. His daughter clinging to her hand coaxing her to the waters edge and Charlotte excitedly following and giggling just out of reach of the water's edge. 

His heart fell to his stomach as he took in the sight of the woman and his knees felt weak as he knelt down trying not to be seen. 

His lungs constricted as he watched her help Flora and Sophia with their shoes and stockings so that they could paddle their feet in the ankle-deep water. He was treated with a sight that stole breath to see her shapely calves, and her slim ankles unveiled as she lifted her own heavier coat and skirts. 

The children raced more happily than before as Esther laughed. 

As he watched them start to head back after putting their stockings and shoes back on he decided to stand and approach. 

Charlotte looked startled to see him, as did Esther. 

“Oh, Sidney you did come upon us quite suddenly.” Esther beamed. “I was justing bringing back the children.” 

Sidney nodded. “I will keep Flora, thank you for bringing her out. She does enjoy the walks.” 

Nodding Esther rolled her eyes at her screaming children begging to eat. 

“Of course children. Give momma a moment with her friends,” she said with a stern face. 

“Charlotte?” She asked her implying her joining. 

Sidney cleared his throat. “I wish a moment with Miss Heywood if you please.” he smiled stiffly. 

Esther frowned and looked to Charlotte wondering what she should do. 

“I will walk back. Grandview is in sight.” She told Esther. 

Her friend nodded and looked back to Sidney scrutinizing him with every look before she finally turned and allowed them reasonable socially acceptable privacy. 

“Once again the ubiquitous Miss Heywood, I try not to think of you and then you are everywhere I look.” he sighed looking at her with a smile he could not resist. Despite the headache, and the tightening in his chest he could do nothing but smile now and it angered him that he was so weak. 

She blushed and rolled her eyes to the sea nervously. “I am Lady Susan’s companion, but I could insist on leaving.” she offered. “I had not thought it would be so difficult for you.” she felt tears burn at the back of her eyes but she had enough control for the moment. 

He shook his head. “I do not wish you to leave.” his jaw clenched as he uttered the truth but worried it would lead himself down a path that dishonored her. “Tell me, Admiral Heywood, how does one wish someone out of sight, and never gone from it simultaneously?” His voice was heavy with need, and regret. 

She bit her lip and shrugged. “That is a conundrum.”

He smiled sadly realizing his question was unfair. “Tell me how you have been?” he asked in earnest. 

“I have been very well. Lady Susan is overly generous with me,” she told him. “I fear my companionship meager to what she gives me freely.” 

He shook his head. “No, your companionship is worth more than a fortune.” 

Charlotte shook her head, realizing the deep intimacy of their conversation. “I must return.” she turned to the little girl. “Miss Flora, it was a great pleasure to meet you. I hope to again one day,” she said cheerily as the little girl reached up and smiling she hugged her. 

Sidney blinked back tears wondering when the last time her own mother had hugged her. He pressed his fingers to his nose and closed his eyes in shame and regret. 

“Good day, Mr. Parker,” Charlotte said and curtsied seeing his emotional response. 

Sidney bowed his head and muttered a response but cursed as he turned angry at himself for letting her go, ashamed that he asked her to stay at all. Damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. This day could go to the devil. 

“Papa!” Flora called and he turned with an instant smile for her. “She nice.” the girl pointed to Charlotte as she departed. 

Sidney nodded and closed his eyes. Lord yes she was and completely beyond his reach.


	17. Chapter 17

Charlotte signed relieved to be back and Grandview that evening. Lady Susan was still had her own calls and plans and she was relieved to have time for her thoughts. There she found Mrs. Claudet sitting by the fire as if Lady of the house. 

“Oh Miss Heywood! Do forgive me. I was just fancy’ ing a little foot up with a treat tonight.” she said trying to smooth over the infraction as she brushed crumbs from her front. 

Charlotte rolled her eyes not caring. Lady Susan was never severe with her servants. 

“Did yea have a good evening Miss?” the cook asked brightly. 

Charlotte sighed and put her shawl down. “It was nice to reconnect with friends.” she shook her head. “The Parker children are so grown.” she blinked. “Allysia the oldest is thirteen.” 

The cook nodded and picked up her snack. “Are you at all hungry miss? I could have a little plate brought up of the hearty stew I just ate, or perhaps just a tart?” she tried seeing the lack of interest on Charlotte’s face. 

She shook her head. “No, I think I just need to go to my room and try to make sense of the day I have had.” 

“There were two calls for you today miss. Two gentleman callers,” she said indicating two bouquets. 

Charlotte went to them equal in taste and expense. Leaning over she sniffed. Fingering the petals Charlotte frowned that she had not bothered to learn what each flower meant as other girls delighted in doing. She had no admirers before that bothered to send flowers and now two in one day. 

Looking at the note she found that one was from Sir Radmore, and the other from Mr. Stringer.

Lost in thought she looked at the basic notes. From Sir Radmore, a clear pen wishing to know her better and from Mr. Stringer, A simple thank you for the dance, and an invitation to view some ambitious new building plans. 

“Forgive me Miss, but you do not seem the least happy to be here?” Mrs. Claudet asked. 

Charlotte blushed thinking of Mr. Stringer's invitation. 

“For all that you went on about the place the last years I thought you would be pleased as pie to return.” the cook said turning as she headed to the back of the apartments. 

Dropping her hands that held the notes but still clutched them Charlotte nodded. “I have some history here that is a little painful. But prey, do not misunderstand. I still so love this place, and even more so with all the wonderous changes.” 

The old cook's brows shot up. “Those two gentlemen callers seemed rather interested in courting you. You will surely go out with one of them. You ain’t getting any younger.” she cautioned her. 

Charlotte sighed. She was not interested in courting at all. Now with the conflicted nature of her feelings at the moment courtship was very far from her mind. She just wanted to survive the season. 

“Oh, Charlotte!” Lady Susan said sweeping in with all her glory. “You did not miss much tonight. Tedious gathering if I am being honest and you know I always am with you.” 

She shrugged off her fur and smiled. “You look tired my dear,” Susan said pouting. “Come, have a drink with me and tell me about your day. I saw you on the beach you know?” she said seriously. 

Charlotte’s cheeks darkened in shame. 

“I saw you shared another word with a certain person,” she said preventing official gossip throughout the house. Charlotte had still not answered any comments. Sometimes Lady Susan was like that. “Oh yes, and I see you got your flowers.” her voice went on with a frown. “That Mr. Stringer is a strapping young man,” she observed. “Sir Radmore as well. Fine enough I dare say.” 

Charlotte followed Susan into the parlor. “Come sit, what did the gentleman have to say?” 

Charlotte shook her head. “Not much of consequence Lady Susan,” she answered nervously. 

Rolling her eyes she handed Charlotte a glass. “Come. come, Charlotte don’t play coy.” she laughed. “You have not said a single word! What did he say?” 

Sighing heavily Charlotte closed her eyes pained. “I think it was a mistake coming here,” she said nervously. She had never asked to leave Lady Susan and she was not sure how her friend would react after so many years of kindness. 

“Oh tosh my dear. Don’t let that man run you off scared.” Susan sat and smiled. “Am I to assume he asked you to leave?” she frowned. “I could not believe it.” 

Shaking her head Charlotte finally took a drink of the champagne. “What he wants is not the point.”

Lady Susan nodded seriously. “So you wish to leave me.” she took a heavy sigh. “I would not stop you, but your sister Allison will be here day after tomorrow. I formally invited her since you would not.” 

Charlotte shook her head. “But she has a beau!” she protested. 

“And I wager he does not love her if he would not wait for her.” Lady Susan argued. “I do think you will disappoint her greatly if you insist on leaving since she is looking forward to coming. And just in time for the cricket picnic on the green.” 

Charlotte frowned. “I suppose I should stay then.” she sighed and noticeably sank into the cushion.

Susan laughed. “You looked utterly crushed my dear.” her friend said softly and with compassion. “What happened in that short conversation?” 

Standing Charlotte went to the fire. “I am afraid the rumors are making me see things that may not be there.” 

“Which rumors?” Lady Susan asked. 

Impatient Charlotte took a breath. “The ones about their marriage not being a good one. He seems so miserable. Even with his daughter, he does not quite feel himself.” She shook her head. “He does not seem so sure of himself. There is no confidence left.” 

“There is a great feeling in him and it frightens me,” she whispered to herself. 

Lady Susan frowned and sipped her drink. “Curious.” she shook her head. “It is a wonder he does not petition for a divorce if Mrs. Parker has been unfaithful which I believe she has. My sources are very reliable.” 

Charlotte shrugged. “Perhaps to protect the investment.” 

Lady Susan shook her head. “Sidney is not that practical of a man. His reasons must be closer to the heart.” 

Overly tired from the emotional day Charlotte made her excuses to Lady Susan who sat by the fire for a time thinking about Mr. Sidney Parker and his wayward wife and the heartbreak of her friend.


	18. Chapter 18

Sidney’s temperament was grating him at the moment. Another occasion of waking with a pounding headache from a night spent in the Crown gaming room drinking more than his fair share of bottles a night. He felt his side and the sharp ache and knew that he was killing himself faster than was usual. 

She was so close, he saw her coming and going just about every day. Today was like all others. 

Passing by Mr. Stringer’s office window he observed her there too, inside, her back to the window but he knew it was her. Both Mr. Stringer and her head were close together and he felt jealousy rise in him unbridled. Pacing a moment he composed himself and instead of moving on and allowing them their interaction he contrived an excuse to go in. 

Knocking he watched as Mr. Stringer stood and looked out the window before opening the solid oak door. 

“Ah, Mr. Parker,” he said. “You don’t often come to my office.” he squinted and invited him in with the incline of his head. 

Sidney nodded. “Well, I - I uh,” he struggled to explain his actions. “I wanted to see the new plans for the Theater,” he said taking off his hat and seeing Charlotte turn. Her cheeks were pink but her expression looked as conflicted as his own. 

“I was just showing Miss Heywood.” Mr. Stringer said turning to the table. “We were discussing the height of the stage in relation to the highest seats.” 

“Miss Heywood,” Sidney said, his voice thick and caught. He cleared his throat to cover the way he reacted to her very name. 

Tried not to notice the way her breath hitched when he spoke it. She was wearing a pale blue dress and dark velvet green spencer. Her bonnet in her hand a matching green. 

Sidney redirected his attentions back to the table covered in papers but he could not ignore the sound of her breath. 

“What did you think of them Miss Heywood?” he said wanting an excuse to look over to gaze into her eyes. 

Charlotte flustered a little and looked back to Mr. Stringer who seemed to eye the situation curiously and his arms were now crossed. 

“I, I like them?” she offered hesitantly. “I mean. I do think that the town is growing and perhaps the boxes do not need to be too tall here and you can add perhaps a second row of private viewing boxes.” she pointed. 

Sidney nodded thoughtfully. More private boxes meant more accommodations for the rich. 

He nodded and looked at Mr. Stringer. “I approve. When can the work start?” he asked. 

Mr. Stringer sighed. “Already broke ground two weeks ago. I just wanted to have the approval before we start the foundation,” he answered. 

“Has my brother Tom seen this?” Sidney asked. 

Mr. Stringer nodded. “He has Sir, and thinks it quite the thing.” 

Sidney nodded. “Yes, he would. Every fashionable town or city has a theater and all the better that it be new,” he muttered and scratched his stubble. 

Mr. Stringer smiled at Charlotte and Sidney’s head dropped as he assumed they were growing an attachment. 

Sidney nodded. “Good,” he frowned. “Miss Heywood, would you allow me to accompany you back to Grandview?” he asked suddenly realizing his excuse to be there was used up. 

Charlotte looked to Mr. Stringer and smiled nervously. “I suppose.” she twisted her hat. “Thank you for showing me the plans Mr. Stringer.” 

James nodded. “I should like to go out walking with you later if you are of a mind?” he asked feeling like he was losing his chance again and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to fight all that hard for it. Not that she was not a wonderful intriguing girl. It’s just he was not sure his feelings would ever be reciprocated or in equal measure even if he were to rise against Mr. Parker. 

She smiled in answer. “Perhaps tomorrow afternoon. I have someone I wish you to meet.” 

James Stringer nodded. “I should like that very much. Until then. Miss Heywood, Mr. Parker.” 

Sidney turned first but waited for her a moment. 

“My apologies Miss Heywood…” he winced. “I seem to have interrupted a private moment,” he said coldly. 

She frowned in thought but did not answer. 

He nodded and looked ahead. “Miss Heywood, have you imagined how I have spent the last five years?” he asked openly. 

Charlotte’s brows raised and she shrugged. “You have been married, and busy with the building of Sanditon,” she said simply. 

He chuckled and nodded. “Yes, I have been married.” he hit his cane against a wooden box. “And the building of Sanditon was a welcome distraction to that personal hell…” he said and looked to his side his mood softening as he saw how uncomfortable she was. 

“I spent five years trying to put you from my mind.” he laughed. “I tried to prevent myself from going mad with the effort.”

She shook her head. “I am very sorry to hear that.” 

He turned a moment, “And now that we have been forced to come together again, can we not be friends as we once were?” he asked nervously. 

Frowning confused Charlotte scoffed. “Friends.” she felt the word ghost across her lips. “I do not believe we were ever friends.” she shook her head. “An inconvenient and outspoken, over judgemental house guest I will grant myself that, but you and I were never friends,” she said softly. It was not meant to hurt him. 

He smiled in the memory of their argument not very far from where they stood where he had shouted at her most grievously on the street. 

“So we are in uncharted territory, again.” he smiled sentimentally. “I will have to avail myself to your lead, Admiral Heywood,” he whispered. 

She smiled and felt a rock drop to her stomach as she felt shame to be thrilled by the way he called her. “Mr. Parker, what is it that you really want from me?” she asked. 

He blinked and stopped. His eyes found hers and anchored there. “I want the last five years to have never happened.” he struggled with his inner emotions. “I want that which is entirely impossible.” he cursed inwardly. “But since I cannot have that, I would find it preferable to see you, to know you are well. To speak with you…” he shook his head. “I cannot pretend to not know you. To feign disinterest when you are all I can think of? friendship is lesser misery is it not?” 

She felt his emotion and she blinked trying not to cry. 

“I suppose we could try to be friends. But you are a married man, and a friendship with someone like myself could seem…indecent,” she said delicately. 

He smiled feeling it stretch his face and he wondered when the last he smiled like that. “Are you suggesting a secret friendship Miss Heywood?” he asked. 

She blushed. “I would not know what a decent friendship with a married man would look like,” she confessed. 

He wanted to take her hand but instead, he clenched his to refrain from such intimacy. “Friends can meet together on the street and exchange pleasantries can they not?” he offered. “When they are in friendly company can they find occasion to share a private word?” he said low, the timber of his voice rolling across her mind. 

Charlotte shook her head scandalized. “Private words are not decent, but we can try to be natural and comfortable.” 

She noted the proximity of Grand View as did he. Both silently mourning the end to their walk. 

“I am sure it will not be without great difficulty,” he said stiffly. “How was your dinner with my brother and Mary?” he asked changing the subject. 

Charlotte smiled in memory. “Good. The children are much grown. Allysia is almost a woman.” 

Sidney nodded. “Yes, and already causing trouble for my brother I dare say.” he felt another smile and his heart lifted. 

“You will be at the cricket match on the Green will you not?” Sidney asked not ready to allow their conversation to end her as climbed the three steps away from him. 

She nodded. “Yes, I would not miss it. Will the Parker brothers be participating?” she asked. 

He nodded. “Yes, my brother Arthur will be arriving with Diana tonight I expect. Lord Babington, Sir Radmore, and Lord Sellac will round off the men's team.” 

She grinned. “What a fine team you will all make.” 

He nodded and looked into her eyes a moment, both lost to each other a moment.  


Remembering the public setting and the eyes that may be on them he cleared his throat. “Thank you for the walk, Miss Heywood,” he said quietly inclining his head thinking it had been the best part of his day. 

She nodded. “Mr. Parker?” she stopped him also reluctant to part.

He turned and smiled. 

“Your daughter Flora,” she said with a nervous smile. “She is enchanting. So bright, she does you and your wife credit,” she said seriously. 

Sidney’s frown darkened and nodded. “Yes, Flora is bright… Thank you, Miss Heywood, for seeing it in her.” 

Charlotte stood confused as his good mood seemed to evaporate before her eyes. 

“Good day.” he inclined his head and she watched after him a moment. He had the look of a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.


	19. Chapter 19

Mr. Crowe eyed his friend across the table and laid a card out. 

“Mrs. Burrell saw you walking with the little minx Miss Heywood today. Got her hooks in you again I see.” His friend said low and under his breath. 

Sidney seethed at the mention or mere thought that anything he did with Charlotte would be worth gossip. 

“Just a conversation Crowe, long overdue,” he said noticing Sir Radmore glancing at him. 

Mr. Crowe looked hesitant as if not all subjects between the two men were easy. 

“It feels strange to be the one to say this to you, but she is unmarried and unattached.” His friend continued. “Courting scandal upon her is not exactly your way you know…” his friend said, “You have more honor than that.” Wastrel that he was, he knew Sidney wasn’t a reputation ruiner. 

Sidney chewed on the end of his smoke. “Ch- Miss Heywood and I are attempting to be friends.” 

Crowe scoffed. “You, friends with a woman?” he laughed louder now and gathered the attention of patrons. “You must be joking.”

Sidney grimaced and looked around seething within his controlled anger. 

“No. I am entirely serious,” he said under his hooded expression. 

Shaking his head his friend laid out a card. “Come now Sidney, you dislike the company of women, by and large, the sudden interest in friendship with one strikes me as not the Sidney I know,” he said simply. “Sidney Parker does not bark after women.” 

Slamming his cards down Sidney closed his eyes trying to tether his irritation and rage. Just one conversation with her and now his largely corrupted friend was lecturing him on decent conduct with women. 

“I am not barking after Charlotte,” he whispered his teeth bared. His voice was louder than intended. 

Mr. Crowe not backing down eyed him curiously. “Then what are you doing?” he pressed. 

Sidney sighed and looked around uncomfortable. “I am trying to- to keep up with this insane charade that my life has become.” 

Crowe was confused. “Charade? You mean your marriage?” he asked. 

Sidney nodded in thought. 

“Why do you stay with her?” Crowe asked. “As your close friend you know I can keep a secret but others cannot. Many already suspect her affairs though you never mention it, and a gentleman does not gossip…but the fairer sex do.” 

Sidney’s eyes narrowed and he shook his head. “Is there talk?” he asked worriedly. Protecting Flora was his main concern, however, being made a fool of publicly was distasteful in and of itself. 

Crowe raised his brows. “I do not fraternize much with the fair sex of our class as you know.” he started uncomfortably. “I do not know how widely it is talked of, but Yes…Even with my limited conversation with women, this last year there has been talk. Does not help that this one is a Marquess.” 

Sidney cursed and took a swig from the bottle beside him not bothering to pour a glass. 

Seeing his friends distress Crowe kept talking. “You know the Beau Monde enjoy a good scandal. Nobility and intrigue go together like a fine wine with a lady of the night.” 

Sidney grimaced. “You would know.” 

Crowe nodded. “You would know better if you joined me more.” he looked at his cards. “Once a year after the summer season is not enough to take the edge off it would seem.” Crowe referenced the single year allowance he gave himself to go and pick a woman to lie with. 

Sidney’s gaze narrowed. “I know enough, and not even a doctor's prescription of that could take the edge off.” 

Crowe frowned. “So tell me, what happened?” he asked. “Why if you did not love her did you chose Eliza?” 

Sidney dropped his cards folding. “Because I was a fool, and I struck a bargain. I gambled and I lost.” he sighed. 

Crowe dropped his cards. “Spare me the cryptic rhetoric, tell me once and for all what happened.” 

Sidney shook his head. “I can't speak of it.” he blinked. “It is more complicated than you could ever know.” 

Crowe shrugged not entirely surprised at his friend's evasion of the subject. Sidney never talked of his wife or their arrangement. It was an unspoken understanding among them that there was no love lost between the couple. 

“You two seem a dreary lot!” Sir Radmore came to their table. “Mind if I join?” 

Sidney shrugged and cleared his throat and gestured silently that the chair was available. 

“I heard the name Miss Heywood.” he shrugged. “What is the story with her?” he asked. “The architect is sniffing round her skirts, and I think I noted Lord Sellac’s eye settle on her as well.” 

Crowe raised his brows. “Why the interest Radmore?” he asked letting Sidney remain silent but glanced at his friend who seemed to be teetering on his edge. 

The man shrugged. “She is a handsome woman with some superior connections. She is mysterious, therefore I am interested.” Sir Radmore chuckled. “Also, Miss Lambe told me she would geld me so naturally, I like to live dangerously.” he flashed a playful grin. 

Sidney shook his head. “Your business agreement with Miss Lambe should be your focus. Not games, and intrigues.” He lectured and pushed his losings to Crowe. “Here, you won that last hand. I am going to call it a night. Good night Gentlemen.” 

Crowe and Sir Radmore watched him leave.

“Which was it, Miss Heywood, or Miss Lambe that caused him to retreat?” Radmore asked frowning. 

Crowe looked at the man he liked but would not go as far as calling him a friend. “I imagine it was some measure of both,” he said shuffling his winnings. He did not often win so this was a delightful twist.


	20. Chapter 20

Lady Susan frowned at the woman before her. 

“Lady Burrell, I called you here to discuss the tales you have yarned around the entire town about Charlotte going out with young men.” she cocked her head at the woman her equal in all but fortune, connection, or intellect. 

The woman laughed. “I just find it odd that she goes about with a married man.” the woman offered. “Is it not strange?” 

Lady Susan frowned. “Charlotte has known the Parker’s for many years. She has enjoyed the connections that the association has allowed her. I see nothing untoward with either of their behaviors?” She said although not entirely agreeing with what she said. 

Lady Burrell shrugged. “I suppose if you vouch for their association, it should be enough for me.” 

Lady Susan was just about to sip her tea satisfied. But Lady Burrell continued. 

“Should that girl not marry?” she offered. “Living off your charity for nearly five years and no wealthy husband to show for it?” she tisked. “And what's this? You bring yet another charity Heywood case in?” she asked pulling out her fan. “I just am in awe of your generosity.” 

Lady Susan put her tea down shocked at the woman’s thinly veiled condemnation for her entirely selfish actions of keeping Charlotte for years, and now Allyson for a few weeks. Being surrounded by conniving people was not her preference. And since the prince was angry at her for the moment she needed distractions. 

“I assure you it is charity bestowed upon me by Charlotte. Not the other way around,” she said cooly. “As to her sister visiting Charlotte is melancholy here. I wished to brighten her spirits and give her a companion for at least a number of weeks while we are in residence. You see, the younger Miss Heywood could very soon marry and never have such a time with her sister again.”

Lady Burrell put down her fan and shook her head. “Oh, I see now… I do apologize. Perhaps Miss Heywood might keep the eye of Sir Radmore, or perhaps even Lord Sellac.” She smiled, we all know Mr. Crowe is not on the hunt for a wife.”

Lady Susan nodded cooly. “I do not throw her at men. I know she will choose wisely in the end. I trust her judgment.” 

Lady Burrell sighed heavily. “Is it my understanding that you are not even trying to find her a suitable husband?” she waved her fan. “If not I would generously offer myself to the task. Prey do you know what she is worth?” the woman asked abruptly. 

Lady Susan put her cup down cooly and stood. “Charlotte’s value is not in liquid cash form, your Ladyship. But you would not take note of such trivial assets or price them as highly as I do.” she tried to not sound too clearly cutting. Lady Burrell was not truly a nuisance entirely and was normally a great wealth of gossip which kept Lady Susan appraised of anything she should need. But there was the odd occasion that connections and relationships such as this had a backlash. 

Continuing as she stood she smiled poised. “I would ask you not to meddle in either of the Miss Heywood’s lives.” she blinked and nodded. “In fact, it is my understanding that Heywood woman value their independence especially on the subject of a suitor.”

Lady Burrell shook her head. “I suppose I should leave you. The hour draws later than I expected.” 

Susan nodded and smiled as she heard Allyson and Charlotte upstairs. They were readying themselves for a call on Lady Denham she had heard was long overdue. 

Her face was serious and calculating as the woman saw herself out. Blinking, Lady Susan looked out the window and watched her leave and how the woman seemed to see everything. Charlotte would need to be more careful. 

Chewing her nails she stopped herself knowing it a terrible habit she had nearly broken herself from years ago, but came out when she was troubled. Her hands instead clung to the other as she tried to not fidget in her angst. 

Her dearest liked to be the center of attention and he hated it when she was engrossed with something else and Sanditon proved to be a hearty distraction as well as a financial opportunity that Charlotte had promised so many years ago. But now she was not sure where to go. The stables were entirely unsuitable for her well-bred animals, and if she raced them here she would want at least fifteen or twenty to compete but stabling them was difficult and cost-prohibitive in the short term she had found. 

It looked like she needed to invest in the construction of a personal stable if she was going to get what she wanted and that meant closer association with Mr. Parker, and that put her on edge because business with Mr. Parker meant more frequent meetings and such things would no doubt distress Charlotte and bring eyes upon the two especially after the tattletales the silly woman Lady Burrell spread. 

The girls came down the stairs and Lady Susan came out of the parlor. “Wait for me Ladies. I do believe I own Lady Susan a visit as well.”

Charlotte smiled. “We were going to walk,” she said brightly. “Will that be acceptable? I wish to show Allyson Sanditon House just the way I saw it when I first came here.” 

Lady Susan smiled her eyes soft. “I think that a lovely idea Charlotte. Just the diversion I need for such a troubling call.” 

Allyson was already out the door and halfway down the road as Charlotte and Susan left Grandview. 

“Charlotte, It pains me to tell you there have been rumors.” Lady Susan said as they watched Allyson enter a shop. 

Nodding Charlotte smiled. “There always are. What is it this time?” 

“One you have been seen heads close together with Mr. Stringer, alone in his offices,” she said seriously. “The other that you have been seen walking and talking with no chaperone with Mr. S. Parker.” her voice quiet. 

Charlotte blushed. “I suppose those are not entirely unfounded rumors.” she rolled her eyes. “Oh for goodness sakes, we were in front of a large window. Hardly in private or alone. Mr. Parker came in shortly after to check the very plans Mr. Stringer and I were looking at.” she winced. “Honestly, I found nothing improper about any of it.” 

Lady Susan nodded. “Lady Burrell makes it her mission to see everything and know everything. Sometimes she stretches the truth and enjoys the drama of it.” 

Charlotte blushed and was now glad she had won that money off that woman when she first arrived. She had met her occasionally before but now she was determined to think ill of her. 

Shaking her head she looped her arm in Lady Susans. “You do not think I have acted in any way I should be ashamed?” 

Susan shrugged. “Heavens Charlotte, I hate to judge love, or the things it makes us do. Even if you acted rashly…I could not condemn you for it.” she shook her head. “But for your sake…please don’t.”

Charlotte nodded. “He wants to try to be friends,” she whispered.

Lady Susan laughed. “My dear, that is an open invitation to a liaison. I don’t know if he intends that but that is right where it will lead if you are not on your guard at all times.” 

“That is what I am afraid of.” Charlotte sighed. “I still have feelings for him. It is harder still to pretend we do not know one another.” her voice dropped as her sister exited the shop with a ribbon. 

“Will this suit me?” Allyson asked. “Oh, I am so nervous to visit such a grand house.” 

Lady Susan smiled and nodded. “You look very fine Miss Heywood,” looking to Charlotte Lady Susan leaned in comfortingly. “We will talk of this later.” 

Charlotte nodded and tried to plaster back on a happy face. Seeing Lady Denham was sure to be an interesting outing.


	21. Chapter 21

“So you have finally come to see an old woman at last Miss Heywood?” Lady Denham said imperiously from her great cushioned seat near the fire. “I must confess that I am entirely offended I seem to be the last one you deign to visit and I consider that a grievous affront.” She fiddled with the lap blanket over her skirt. “My hearing is not too good, so you will need to come closer and speak up.” she prompted waving her hand impatiently. “I am looking forward to hearing your contrived apology.” Lady Denham’s mouth was set firm. 

Charlotte smiled and shifted nervously where she stood. “Your Ladyship…I did not want to assume an association so far out of date, Lady Denham…” Charlotte answered unsure of how to not offend the woman further as she glanced nervously at her sister and then to Lady Susan. 

Lady Denham nodded curtly. “Indeed. And who’s fault was that I may ask?” she said. “Five years and not a word, or a glimpse of the cheeky Miss Heywood?” she shook her head disapprovingly, “And still, unmarried! I suppose you held fast to your independence just to prove me wrong.” she decided. 

“I assure you I have not remained unmarried to spite you.” Charlotte retorted. 

Lady Denham smiled and squinted thoughtfully. “Good, for that, would drop my high estimation of your character in the extreme.” she shook her head and huffed. “and who are these people you brought with you?” she asked noting the young woman behind her. 

“Uh, This is my friend Lady Susan Worcester.” Charlotte began with her. 

“Ah, I have heard more than my fair share of you.” Lady Denham said with a knowing nod. “How is the Prince Regent?” Lady Denham asked slightly more warmly. 

Lady Susan smiled not sensing disapproval. “As he ever was Lady Denham.” 

The older Lady nodded thoughtfully and remained silent. 

Charlotte smiled nervously and broke the uncomfortable silence. “And this is my sister, Allyson Heywood whom I have brought to meet you.” Charlotte brought her sister forward. 

Lady Denham appraised the girl with her bright clear eyes. “Ah, another unmarried young Lady come to Sanditon. Luck would have you there are a good many eligible young men here for your picking. Though you will be in competition with your sister” she looked at Charlotte. “You are in danger of becoming an old maid.” Her face looked Charlotte over again. “Still pretty though I would say.” she looked over Charlotte. “Figure as pleasing as it ever was.” 

Lady Denham gestured to the two chairs across from her as the servant brought a third. “Sit, have tea with me,” she said simply. 

Charlotte sighed relieved and the ladies all took seats far from each other in a circle in the great parlor. Her sister looked around to all that surrounded her in awe reminding herself of her first time in the house. 

“So how old are you Little Miss Heywood?” Lady Denham asked Allyson. 

Allyson blinked shyly but sat straight. “I am twenty one, your ladyship.…” she said nervously. 

Lady Denham nodded and squinted. “And how old are you now Miss Charlotte Heywood?” 

Charlotte blinked, “I am now four and twenty,” she answered. 

Lady Susan remained silent and observed this intriguing interaction. She had heard of the old woman but never had the occasion to meet her. Lady Denham had been terribly ill the day of the Regatta so missed the chance to make acquaintance then. 

“four and twenty!” Lady Denham said sharply. “You should be a mother perhaps three or four times over at this juncture in your life.” the old woman said. “Oh, what do I know. I did not have the good fortune to have any, perhaps you will neither.” 

The servant brought tea. “So, how do you find Sanditon now?” she asked. 

Charlotte looked to her companions wondering if she should answer. When no one offered comment she cleared her throat. “I find… Well, I find it quite a marvel. I saw the model in Tom’s office years ago, I stared at it for hours. But I must confess the reality of it is so much more.” 

Lady Denham nodded. “And it should be. Mr. Sidney Parker was a better planner. He designed GrandView and I must agree that it is absolutely without fault.” 

Allyson smiled. “Is that not the terrace we are in?” 

Lady Susan smiled and nodded. 

Charlotte blushed. “Is not Mr. Stringer the architect?” she asked. 

Lady Denham smiled. “Yes, Mr. Stringer, he is a good lad. He does what he is told to. But Mr. Sidney Parker has a more realistic vision of the future of Sanditon. He also understands the Beau Monde better than his brothers and it reflects in the design.” She explained shocking Charlotte who had never heard a good word about any Parker. “Tom Parker was frivolous and wasted money on unnecessary projects and materials.”

“It is my understanding that you have stables here Lady Denham?” Susan started. 

Nodding Lady Denham nodded. “For my asses,” she replied simply. 

Lady Susan frowned. “I have been thinking about investing in some land here and building a fine stable to house racehorses,” she said bluntly. “What say you to a notion like that?” 

Lady Denham pursed her lips. “I abhor gambling. Leads to the loss of fortune and the ruin of men.” she shook her head. 

Lady Susan nodded. “But to just house the horses, you do not need to participate in the bet.” 

The old woman shrugged. “We all have our principles. Mine does not include the support of gambling fortunes away on a farm animal that costs a fortune to keep and gives nothing but excrement and occasional bursts of speed.” 

Lady Susan smiled. “I understand. I do not however have the same sensibilities. Jobs, fortune, and activity would be…. need I say, explosive if there were more horses, and perhaps one day a track, not just the beach. And whoever housed those horses would be assured of a constant flow of fortune.” She sipped at the tea that was just handed to her. 

Lady Denham nodded. “Oh I see, you have some interest investing in this venture now that it bears fruit. Where were you Lady Worcester when Mr. Sidney Parker was forced to marry that spider, Mrs. Campion?” she asked pointedly. 

Lady Susan nodded and smiled sadly. “I was in London, I had not spoken to Charlotte in some time. I, unfortunately, learned of the wedding after.” 

Allyson looked confused at the women talking of people she knew about but in ways, she had not expected. 

Charlotte however had gone beet red. 

“You could have given the Parkers more time after the fire,” she whispered bravely. “You only gave him a week.” 

Lady Denham frowned and turned her eyes. “What did you say?” she asked. “I can't hear you if you whisper. 

Lady Susan looked shocked at the words that fell from Charlotte’s mouth and she dearly hoped she was going to opt to say something less offending. 

Charlotte lifted her head. “It is not Lady Susan’s fault she did not know of the disaster nor was it her responsibility to fix it. If Mr. Parker was forced to marry Mrs. Eliza Campion it was so that you would not put Tom’s family into the poor house.” Charlotte leveled the blame. “Of course none of it would have been necessary had Tom acquired the proper insurance.” she amended finally making Susan sigh relieved. 

Lady Denham nodded and eyed her piercingly. “I see you understand the situation most accurately.” 

The room went silent as they ladies all drank the tea.


	22. Chapter 22

Lady Susan smiled at Charlotte. “You were…very sharp in there my dear.” 

Charlotte nodded. “I was, wasn’t I.” She looked put out. “I suppose I owe her another apology.” she grimaced as they strolled. Allyson was on the other side of Charlotte. 

“Another apology?” Allyson asked. “You mean to tell me you offend that frightening old woman often?” she asked. “Why?” 

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “She is a good sort of person, but she does like to tease and sometimes forgets to watch her words, and I confess when I am around her I often forget mine.” she sighed heavily. “So it is not fair to judge her too harshly Allyson.”

Lady Susan eyed her perceptively. “I quite like her,” she said decidedly. 

Allyson walked backward before them. “How Lady Susan? She did not seem to approve of you at all!”

Chuckling Lady Susan nodded. “Not all people will approve of me, or my actions, my dears. I accept that. But despite her disapproval, I have decided that I quite like that fractious old woman. I also think she is a good ally in this town am I not wrong?” 

Charlotte shook her head. “No you are not wrong,” she said bracing herself for the questions that spun in her mind. Lady Denham firmly had a poor opinion of Eliza but shockingly had changed her views on Sidney. She smiled now walking back to GrandView and imagined him pouring over designs and she wondered if he had found it a great escape from his burdens. 

She almost envied that he had projects to work on to distract him from troubles. One thing being with Lady Susan caused her was to feel useless. Of course, she kept Charlotte busy with studies or French and music lessons, but it never felt much use to her. She would much prefer to have a grand building in the place of all her efforts leaving a more noticeable mark on the land, as Sidney had once challenged her. 

Her cheeks burned as she realized she had nothing to show for her life of five years, but Sidney had this town. He had accomplished so much. 

Back at GrandView Charlotte flowed Lady Susan into the parlor while her sister ran upstairs. 

“A stable?” she asked throwing down her gloves. 

Lady Susan turned and shrugged. “What?” Why so much disapproval?” she eyed Charlotte seriously. 

Charlotte sighed and blinked. “I don’t know, but it sure sounds like you are planning on spending more than this season here.” 

Susan nodded. “Astute of you my dear. I am pondering on it. There is a marvelous opportunity here and made all the better by Lady Denham’s conservative attitude on the matter. It means she will not expand her stables as competition.” 

“But then…” she blinked. 

“I will need to work closely with Mr. Sidney Parker in negotiating the proper things one needs for such a venture.” she blinked. “Afterall, Lady Denham spoke most highly of him.” 

Charlotte nodded and sighed. “It would be to your benefit to do it. And it would help Sanditon grow surely… But did Lady Denham not have a point about young men and lost fortunes?” 

Lady Susan nodded. “Yes she did have that point, but there will always be bets and men with fortunes to spend but there will also be ladies here to turn their heads will they not?” she chuckled. “To distract them from emptying their purses too readily?” she offered. 

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “What about the Prince Regent?” 

Lady Susan shrugged. “What about him?” she asked dismissively. 

Charlotte sat and sighed from the heat. “You are avoiding him are you not?” 

Susan pursed her lips. “You know my dear Prinny hates to be ignored.” 

Shaking her head Charlotte looked disappointed. “So, this is all some kind of game to you isn't it?” 

Lady Susan looked hurt. “Charlotte?” she asked shocked. 

Charlotte suddenly felt very ashamed. Lady Susan had been more than good to her over the years. 

“I am sorry,” Charlotte said and pressed her hands to her face embarrassed. “I don’t know who I am today. I don’t really feel myself.” she sighed. 

Lady Susan sighed. “No, I must apologize. I thought it a good idea to bring you back here… To help you move on.” she sighed frustrated. “To help myself see what you were so excited about here. As a distraction.” she sat down making Charlotte felt all the more sorry for her selfishness. 

Lady Susan composed herself a moment and then looked to her resigned. “I should have talked to you about this before. But I thought, why trouble you when I had not made up my mind? I intend to approach Mr. Sidney Parker about building a racehorse stable. That will mean even when we are back in London your association would continue. That is… Unless you decide to leave me.” she said nervously. “Of course I don’t wish you to leave, and I have thought on it long and hard…” 

Charlotte’s mind was swimming at the decided way Lady Susan was talking. 

She would never be free of this ache. The terrible gnawing need she had for someone that never was hers. They only just begun the conversation when it was so tragically cut short. She could ignore it while away from all thought of him, but she was just fooling herself. 

“Excuse me.” Charlotte stood and raced from the parlor and to the street. Her bonnet, shawl, everything was left behind and she raced down the path to the open sandy beach and leaned forward as breath came in sharp gasps. 

Looking up and down the beach she could see people at leisure and a few ponies running in the surf. 

Turning west she decided to walk as far as she could go. Perhaps running from her problems would give her clarity. 

She raced until breath could not come and she collapsed on her knees in the wet sand.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for like...a week off from this story. I'm trying to wrap up projects left and right to clear myself for the original works I am doing. Lots of things are happening (AND) my kids are going back to school tomorrow. I tiled my bathroom floor the last three days and my knees are killing me. (peel and stick) so not as bad as REAL tiling. 
> 
> But ya, forgive me. I got like a heaping mound on my plate and I also might not sleep tonight at all just so I can be ready to go with connected learning thing their school district is doing. 
> 
> Wish me luck... Im already tired.

Sidney found himself at GrandView that evening allowed in by a cook which confused him since the manservant of the apartment should be at the door. 

“Oh, Mr. Parker. Prompt.” Lady Susan said seriously. Her face was wrinkled in concern. 

Sidney smiled. “Ah yes, I have come as you asked.” he nodded and looked to the stair wondering if Charlotte was there and avoiding him. 

Lady Susan gestured for him to sit. 

“Mr. Parker, as you know I am a wealthy woman…but my investments have slowed. It has come to my understanding that I must…Diversify my interests.” she started and glanced at the clock. 

Mr. Parker nodded. “And how can I be of service with that Lady Worcester?” 

Her soft eyes looked sad and he wondered what had happened. 

“I wish to build a stable. A large construction for the races here.” she opened the leather folder in front of her. “I was hoping you could help me estimate the project and scout the perfect location for the building. Preferably close to the beach I imagine,” she said. 

He nodded. “How many horses should it stable?” he asked but his mind raced at this news. If Lady Susan Worcester was to invest what did that mean for Charlotte? 

She shrugged. “100 with a squeeze?” 

His eyes brightened. “Am I to understand this is not only for personal but also public use?” he asked. 

She nodded. “Yes, I wish to rent out stalls and feed for the elite who have come for the races. And I was wondering if you would help me start it?” she asked. 

Sidney cleared his throat. “There is a good piece of land. Solid, not on shifting sands… It would be a jaunt for the horses. A proper horse path would need to be made.” he said. It was on the cliff tops where he had first kissed Charlotte. 

“I was thinking something closer to town. It would be a great show to parade the horses out on to the field. People would come from miles around just to see the great beasts up close.” 

He nodded. “I suppose you are right.” he winced as he thought. “I will give it some thought. But I might ask…if there is to be a stable, would you be staying here for the next year?” he asked curiously. 

She frowned and looked at him seriously. “I have given it some thought yes. Originally I was hoping to broach the subject with Miss Heywood to manage it all for me. Bringing her back here with me was supposed to warm her up to the idea of staying here at length… but things are not exactly going as planned.” she said succinctly. “I think she may choose to go home to Willingden.” 

Sidney’s face fell though he tried to hide it. 

“I see that the notion troubles you.” she ventured. 

He cleared his throat uncomfortable with the topic. “Why yes… I mean Miss Heywood has in the past shown herself to be a valuable asset to the town and its…” he hesitated and the voice he uttered crackled with the final word. “…Endeavors. It comes as no surprise that you would see the same value in her.” 

Susan smiled knowingly. “You are still in love with her are you not?” 

His brows raised and he uttered just a sound. “Hum.” he scratched his chin thoughtfully. “I suppose she has told you about our past.” 

Lady Susan shook her head. “She did not need to. I saw how your ill-timed words at the Regatta five years ago troubled you so much that you made a minor scene while you …” she smiled knowingly. “How did your wife word it? So hastily ran after a farm girl who was not your responsibility as she was.” Lady Susan had no difficulty recalling the event. “Only a man so confused in love would have acted as you did.” 

He smiled tensely. The subject of hurting Charlotte at the regatta pained him for years among the other insults and pains he caused over their brief but intense connection. Causing her to cry had been a skill of his it would seem. 

“I am not at liberty to speak of my feelings for Ch- Miss Heywood. That was five years ago. We both have changed much. Do I still bear tender feelings for the memory of our time brief though it was? Yes.” He admitted. “But I am under no delusions that she is the same person I fell in love with half a decade ago.” He shifted uncomfortably. “It seems clear that if she finds her time uncomfortable here then perhaps she should go home to Willingden.” 

No sooner had the words left his mouth did he regret them. 

Lady Susan sighed and shook her head. “Your marriage is a sham.” she leveled suddenly. “There are more than whispers,” she told him softly. 

Sidney stiffened. “Then I would hope you did not engage in those whispers,” he said coldly. 

“I am not a threat Mr. Parker. I am possibly an ally if you allowed me. I know judges, and the like if you were to.… It would bring scandal, but surely you are already on the precipice of scandal. Whispers are just the tipping point.” her voice warned him but was not laced with malice. 

He shook his head. “That may be the case but I have no wish to travel that path,” he said leaning forward readying himself to leave. “I will look into-“ 

“Mr. Parker you do realize that you are now no longer in need of the woman, and she does you great ill, and this town…” she shook her head. “Why do you persist?” 

Sidney looked away a moment in thought. He could not say how his throat tightened or his stomach jumped in his desire to do as she suggested. But just one little girl with sweet blond curls and a giggle that stole his heart flashed in his mind. 

Flora would not live under that kind of scandal. And Lady Susan was right to remind him. It was time that he got his house in order and his wayward wife in hand. She had played her games long enough and far too publically for his taste. 

Standing up he nodded. “I appreciate your concern, and I would again value your discretion, Lady Worcester. I cannot speak on Char-“ he stopped and sighed frustratedly. “Miss Heywood I mean.” he spat as if it offended him. “I do not wish to cause her pain.” 

Lady Susan shook her head. “Then stop with your persistence in your obvious expression of feeling Mr. Parker.” she sighed. “The girl is grown up now and should be thinking of marriage and as long as she pines for you she will never settle on anyone.” She put up her hand to stop his protest. “I know you don’t knowingly harm, but you certainly are, for herself and you. If she goes back to Willingden she will never marry and be at the mercy of her family for the rest of her life. Is that what you want for her?” 

He swallowed hard. It wasn’t but neither was her finding a man and marrying him either. 

“Prey excuse me, your Ladyship. The hour is late,” he said and nodded. “I will get back to you on the business we discussed. Good evening,” he said abruptly as he tried to tether his anger and rage, but not at Lady Susan entirely. He knew she was acting in Charlotte’s best interest, but that meant being far from him. 

The sun had gone down and he felt a stinging in the back of his eyes. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. 

To the devil with it all. He would go seek out Crowe at the Crown and down a bottle...or three. 


	24. Chapter 24

Sidney was well into his first bottle of the night, momentarily cheered by both Babington and Crowe with Sir Radmore dealing them in. 

“I saw Eliza still in town today.” Crowe eyed his friend over his card. 

Sidney grimaced and groaned. “Ah, the woman is intending on at least staying for the cricket match.” he looked to Babington. “I am sure she does not wish to miss the spectacle Lady Babington is managing,” he said glossing comfortably over the fact that the reason she had not left was likely more dependent on where Lord Sellac would be. 

Lord Babington nodded. “Yes, my wife has been recruiting women to play against the men.” 

Mr. Crowe laughed. “Against the men!” he looked to Sidney. “Do you know if the plucky Miss Heywood is going to be upstanding?” he smiled. “She was quite the rousing entertainment five years ago.” 

Sidney was silent on the matter as Charlotte’s name was dropped by Crowe. 

Lord Babington nodded. “Yes, and it seems my wife has suddenly remembered it and wishes that there be some scandal with pitting the women against the men. From what I hear a few of them have been practicing for weeks.” he rolled his eyes. “Esther has been complaining about her sore shoulder and back now for days. I do fear she will injure herself.” 

Sir Radmore smiled. “You do not tell her to not?” he asked. 

Babington scoffed. “Tell my wife to not?” he laughed now brightly. “Sir, you do not know my wife?” 

Sidney smiled. “Lady Babington has always had spirit.” 

Sir Radmore smiled. “I know Miss Lambe intends to play, though I do think her more suited.” 

Suddenly there was a loud noise as the men looked up from the table. It was Georgiana and her face looked very grave. She weaved her way hurriedly to Sir Radmore. 

Sidney stood worried. “What is it Georgiana?” he asked her. 

She flashed him a concerned eye and gestured to the corner for more privacy

“Miss Heywood has not been seen for hours and it is long past the hour since she should have returned,” Georgiana said breathlessly since she had just heard from Lady Susan's manservant that she was missing.

Sidney went for his coat in a rush. “Where was she last seen?” he asked abruptly. 

Georgiana shook her head. “The last anyone saw she was on the beach, but she could have gone anywhere since then.” 

“It is dark out, how will she be found?” Mr. Crowe asked. 

Sidney shook his head and burst from the card room. 

Sir Radmore and Mr. Crowe were close behind. 

Georgiana looked to Lord Babington and swallowed. 

“They will find her won't they?” she asked. 

Babington reached for his drink and nodded. “I do believe they will. Come, go find your ease while I catch up to the other men. They will need many eyes out there combing the sands.” 

Just beyond them, Lord Sellac listened with a keen ear to the gossip. 

Sidney fetched his horse and bridled him but did not bother with a saddle, and it was there Lord Babington caught up. 

“Steady on Sidney, we will find her,” he noted the anxious way he was haltering the horse and it was making the beast skittish. 

Sidney took a deep breath and nodded meaningfully at him. 

Within moments four men left the stable and raced down different stretches of the beach with torches above their heads. Men were already out combing the beach and surrounding cliffs. 

Miles down Sidney saw Lord Babington Reign in his horse. 

“I think we should turn round. I do not think she would have come this far,” he said looking back. “On foot, this is a vast distance.” 

Sidney shook his head. “She is an excellent walker. She could have gone a few more miles yet. We can search more thoroughly on our way back. I wish to press on.” 

Sir Radmore nodded. “I will go with you.” 

Crowe nodded. “I would press on too. But surely she could have not gone much farther.” he looked up. “The weather is turning. I feel a wet night is coming on.” 

Sidney turned. “I will press on.” 

Crowe turned his horse and started a slower jaunt as he searched the more rocky areas as he went the direction of Lord Babington and the town. 

It was a while later he found Babington’s horse. 

“Crowe, I found her!” he shouted. “She is alive, but she is very cold.” 

Mr. Crowe pulled his heavy jacket off and went to his friend's side. “Oh, Miss Heywood, I would not have thought you of all women would be so foolish.” he chided gently as her teeth chattered and she scoffed. 

“I was high up on the cliffs when I saw you all ride by.” she chattered. “I was trying to take a short cut back using the road. It is easier to walk than the sand, and the wind is not so fierce there.” 

Lord Babington nodded. “And there is chance that a rider could come upon you on the road.” he nodded. “Sensible I suppose,” he said. “Come let us get you to a warm fire, and a glass of brandy to warm you.” 

She nodded gratefully. 

“Mr. Crowe, you take her on your horse if you are not too drunk,” he said. 

Mr. Crowe nodded. “Strangely I am abnormally sober at the moment. I had not the time to get too deep into my cups tonight.” 

Babington nodded. “Good good. I will go alert the others that she has been found before they cause injury to those horses.” 

Mr. Crowe gathered Charlotte to him as he helped her to stand. “Can you get up on the horse?” 

She nodded. “I will need help,” she said seeing it was without a saddle. 

He nodded. “We shall use this boulder.” 

Once settled Mr. Crowe carefully held her with one arm and the reigns with the other. 

“Now hold tight Miss Heywood, we shall be riding hard,” he said with a slight note of either seduction or teasing. She could not tell.


	25. Chapter 25

“She has been found!” Lord Babingtons voice shouted over the midnight waves. 

Sidney circled his horse around and it neighed in protest at his riders sudden change in direction. 

“Where!” he rode hard to make it to his friend who was riding his own horse ragged to catch up. 

“I found her as I circled back. She was up on the cliffs when we passed and she tried to make it to the beach but we had already passed.” he said. 

Sidney swallowed hard. “Is she hurt?” 

Babington shook his head. “I think she is well, but I am no physician. Very cold however. She did not even have a shawl on.”

Sidney looked around. “Where is she?” 

Babington looked back the way he came. “Crowe took her to GrandView.” 

Sidney looked deadly as he kicked his already tired horse into a run. “Yah!” 

Sir Radmore looked at Lord Babington. 

“What is he going to do?” Sir Radmore asked. 

Lord Babington sighed and reflected on the actions of his friend. “Nothing respectable I would wager…if I was more of a betting man.”

Sir Radmore nodded. “Come, let us be fools along side him so that he and we just seem drunken search party.” 

Lor Babington nodded and looked at the man who had not entirely been brought into the circle of men but now he wondered if he would. 

Their horses kicked into a sprint to catch up with Sidney who was on his own mad dash back to the town. 

There was a small crowd gathered outside of GrandView as Sidney galloped to the door and jumped off his horse at the edge of the sand and had enough wherewith all to tie his animal up. Lord Babington and Sir Radmore were coming up the beach and he did not wish to be stopped by him. 

He could see the Dr. was just exiting the apartment and Sidney rushed to him. 

“Is she alright?” he demanded as he pushed vilontly past one curios man. His face showing just how hot headed he was. 

Dr. Foughs nodded. “Just a chill Herr Parker.” he looked about at the crowd. “She will likely be fit as a fiddle in a day or two with proper rest, warmth and fluids. But I have already told this to Lady Worcester. 

Sidney looked up to the window and cursed wishing to demand entry but such a scene would serve no one save prove she was well.  
Lord Babington leaned in. “Would you like me to impose my connection and see if she is well?” he whispered to his friend. 

Sidney nodded curtly and his eyes went down to the freshly cobbled street and he winced as his hand shakily went to his mouth. Repressing the overwhelming need to go to her was proving to be just as hard as the day he shut the carriage door on their future. 

Lord Babington went to the door and was granted entrance while Sidney paced as Sir Radmore lit and then handed him a smoke. 

“Come now man… You are acting as a besotted husband awaiting the birth of a first child.” he scoffed. 

He cursed and took the smoke but did not light it. “Besotted, love sick,” he shook his head and tried not to shout but to takl under his breath in seething words. “Fool!” he shook his head. 

“So then it is love.” He scoffed. “Too bad. I was thinking she could be a suitable choice to funnel my attentions to.” 

Sidney seethed and lit his smoke. “Don’t let my useless affection for her stop you if you have honorable intention.” The words came from his mouth but felt hollow. Seeing her married and happy with another man would be agony. But he would one day endure it. He had too…

“No point. You have already won that race I think.” Radmore laughed. 

Sidney closed his eyes pained. “I am married.” he turned with defeat.

Lord Babington and Mr. Crowe exited the building as the crowd started to thin. 

Sidney tossed the smoke aside uncaring. “Well?” he asked. 

Lord Babington smiled. “She is well, my friend. I saw her myself.” he said to him. “Her cheeks are rosy, but she is feeling rather foolish for straying so far late in the evening without so much as a coat or a shawl.” he looked to Crowe who looked out of sorts himself. 

Sidney released a shaking sigh. “Why did she go out without?” he said irritably. Angry even at her foolishness. 

Lord Babington shook his head. “I don’t know. Women.” he said with a shrug. “They are ever mysteries to us men, are they not?” he smiled. “It is late. Let us to our beds.” 

Sidney stood unmoving for a moment as if absorbing the situation. Reining himself in. 

Crowe passed him and handed him a flask which he passed back. “No…I have had enough this night.” 

His friend nodded and looked up to the window where a figure now stood illuminated by the light behind her. His eyes held hers as he tried to express his concern and frustration to her. 

He noted how frightened and tired her features were as she took deep breaths. He hoped she was not crying as she stepped from his view and his heart sank. 

Turning he went to his horse to stable him and then off to his bed as his regrets ate him alive. Something must be done but there seemed no solution.  


Back at his Sanditon house he looked about and even ventured a peek into Eliza’s room. Her bed was undisturbed and he inwardly seethed. Her games were dangerous and he was no no mood to see her so open about it. Especially not now. 

Even their servants would know and lord knew that servants talked to other servants and those servants talked to their employers. All the warnings and she would not heed him. 

He went to Flora’s room and found his little girl asleep and with a heavy sigh he sat on the end of her bed. 

“I made a promise.” he whispered to himself. “To protect you from the cruelties of this world. Protect you from the actions of your mother…” his voice cracked and shuddered as his hand touched the child’s foot covered by the blanket. “Now, how do I protect you from my own actions?” 

He ran a ragged hand through his hair. 

“Papa?” her little voice spoke over the silent rage he tethered in the peace of the little girls room. 

“Go back to sleep my sweet.” he said reaching up and tucking her back in. 

Flora sat up stubbornly pushing the fluffy cover back. “Nursie said Miss Heywood gone?” 

Sidney swallowed hard. “She is fine, she was found dearest now go back to sleep.” he coaxed. 

Smiling Flora looked relieved. “Nursie was saying scary things to Momma. That maybe something terrible happened and momma laughed.” she said with a big yawn. “I am glad Miss Heywood is not a bloated copus.” she said mispronoouncing the word but Sidney understood the meaning. 

“Shhh, don’t speak or even think of such things. Those conversations are not for little ears.” he said tucking her back into bed. 

Leaving her room he went to his study and sat in silence as the clock hours ticked by. He held his Hereclitus in his hand but could not bear to open and read it. 

“A mans character is his fate.” he whispered to the waining candle light. His body relaxed under that quote.


	26. Chapter 26

Charlotte watched as her younger sister gushed over the dress Charlotte was giving her. 

“I cannot wait to wear it today!” Allison said. “Dear Lady Babington asked me to play since she said you were not inclined and she was short one lady.”

Charlotte shook her head. “I am afraid I made quite a spectacle the last time I was here. I am resisting the repeat in history where that is concerned.” 

Allison laughed. “Oh yes, Mr. Stringer spoke of it on our stroll. That you were a sensation on the field. Or sand… It won't be on sand, will it? I never played on sand…” her sister rambled. 

Charlotte looked at her sister in surprise. “Stroll?” she asked. “With Mr. Stringer?” her voice went up a pitch. 

Allison’s blush crept up her neck as she pulled the dress over her head while Charlotte went to help her button in. 

“Yes, he came to check on you after your adventure on the beach that night,” she said. “He came often, but we all knew you were rejecting visitors and I could not bear the disappointment on that man's face.” She smiled. “So I simply asked him to walk with me and tell me about the town.” 

“How very forward!” Charlotte said with a smile. “Do you like him?” her stomach flopped a little as she realized James was the only other man she had ever entertained serious thoughts about. 

Was this jealousy? 

Was it just a distraction from Sidney or was it real feelings deeper than friendship. She shook her head feeling her stomach settle a little as she looked at her sister's glowing face. Her sister had thought herself in love a few times already. Perhaps it was just a passing flirtation. 

“You don’t mind do you?” Allison asked as she turned around placing a green sash around the middle of her cream-colored dress. All the players were supposed to wear cream. But with noticeable color, if you were single so that an admirer could wear one to match, thereby expose their feelings in a safe and socially acceptable manner. 

Charlotte smiled and shrugged. “I have no understanding with Mr. James Stringer. But we are friends.” 

Allison smiled and blushed. “I told Mr. Stringer that my color was green.”

Her stomach dipped again and her face was perplexed. “And what did he say?” Charlotte asked. 

Going to the mirror Allison sad and regarding her hair. “Do you think the maid could do up my hair like yours?” she asked. 

Rolling her eyes she went to the chair and nodded. “Of course she can.” 

Her sister remained vexingly silent. 

“Oh heavens, Allison, what did Mr. Stringer say?” she demanded earnestly but with a tone of play. 

Her sister winced. “You like him.” 

Looking to the bed and then to the door her eyes flitting nervously. 

“Allison, you must understand that my feelings are rather complicated.” she shrugged. “I have no claim on him, but I do admire him. I like that I can talk with him.” 

Her sister looked disappointed and frowned. “Why haven’t you told him that you fancy him?” 

Wincing Charlotte shook her head. “Because I am not sure my feelings have gone beyond general admiration. I am sure it could have at one point, but then a lot of things happened.” 

Her sister looked at her as if she could see through her but was not seeing, and then her brows rose and her eyes widened. 

“You love someone else,” she said in a shocked whisper. 

Charlotte shook her head and looked to the hall. “No, no…” she denied. “I don’-“ 

Her sister shook her head and smiled. “Your eyes are fluttering and you are holding your breath,” she said pointing out Charlotte's actions. “You only do that when you lie and you are struggling with your words.” 

Still persistent in the shaking of her head Charlotte closed her eyes. 

“It is Mr. Parker. The brooding handsome one,” she said her head shaking. “Sidney right?” she asked. 

Charlotte's cheeks fair bled from the blush of her cheeks. 

“Don’t Allison.” she denied. “Please don’t say another word.” 

Her sister shook her head. “He is married!” she said her eyes wide. 

Charlotte pulled back defensively. “Do you think I do not know that!” she protested. 

Her sister sat down on the bed and huffed. “You never told me. I thought we told each other everything.” Allison said hurt. 

Charlotte felt sympathy for her sister's emotions and feelings of betrayal. Reluctantly she sat on the bed. “I couldn’t tell you about it because voicing it was too awful to bear. I did not want to cry,” she confessed. 

“How can you love a married man?” Allison asked confused. 

Blinking nervously she shrugged. “I loved him before he was married. When he was free.” 

Her sister turned curiously. “Does he love you?” her question causing Charlotte to take a sharp intake of breath and the door knocked. 

“Come in.” Charlotte blinked relieved. 

“You both are not ready!” Lady Susan said and tutted them. “Girls. Spending your time gossiping and not readying yourself. It never changes.” 

Allison turned. “Did you know?” She asked bluntly. 

Lady Susan looked to Charlotte and blinked. “Know what?” she asked confused and feeling on the spot. 

“That she loved Mr. Sidney Parker?” the younger girl asked. 

Relaxing her neck Lady Susan’s head leaned forward as she realized the topic she had dropped in on. 

Inclining her head she nodded. “I do believe I was the one who told her of her feelings for him first a long time ago on the very night we met.” she smiled pained by the topic. 

“Does he love her?” Allison asked breathless looking to the older and far more influential person for answers. 

Lady Susan took a deep breath and nodded without looking to Charlotte. “He does. Far more than his situation allows. Tis a hopeless case, however.” she said. “Now, moving on, let us get the maids in here and dress your hair,” she said hurrying them and spared Charlotte a simple telling glance.


	27. Chapter 27

Wearing crisp white Sidney loosened his collar with seething frustration. He still had not confronted his wife, and entirely avoided her whenever possible. 

Occupying the days with the projects of Sanditon was exhausting in normal circumstances, but now it was impossible with his mind otherwise engaged with other things. 

“Miss Lambe.” Sidney regarded his former ward with a nod. “You are not standing up?” 

He noted that she was not dressed for the match. 

Georgiana rolled her eyes. “You know I have no interest in the sport. I rather observe or escape it all,” she said cooly. “Or perhaps it is just society that I am escaping…” she offered and looked to her partner Sir Radmore. “I would like a drink,” she told the man. 

Sir Radmore scoffed and shrugged. “At your service,” he said sarcastically and clapped Sidney on the back as he passed. 

Sidney looked down and then up reluctantly and looked about. 

“Is everything alright?” she asked him and he looked at her and his head shook just a fraction. Only a mere second of admittance that everything was in fact not alright. 

She looked around and her eyes lighted on the pale blue dress Mrs. Eliza Campion wore with a bright yellow sash and a straw bonnet with a bright white ribbon. 

“My servant tells me there is gossip below,” she whispered. “Eliza spends her nights now and not just afternoons with Lord Sellac.” 

Sidney put his champagne glass down and his mood was dark and brooding. “What is being said?” his voice was low and barely restrained. 

Georgiana looked at him with her wide brown eyes that regarded him sarcastically. “Does anything else need to be said?” 

Grinding his teeth under the tense line of his hardened jaw he looked to the woman they spoke of with utter contempt. She was with other ladies but they did not seem to be treating her very warmly. Her cheeks blushed but not prettily. 

Sidney shook his head. “No, you are right. That is entirely enough.” he sighed. 

“What was the drama with Charlotte the other night?” she asked. “I have asked Sir Radmore, but he just tells me it was not the fuss everyone made of it.” 

Sidney took a deep breath filling his lungs and making him stand taller. “She went out too late and wandered too far off.” 

Georgiana frowned and shook her head. “Why would she do that? Doesn’t sound like her.” then her eyes narrowed. “Unless you did something.” her eyes leveled at him accusingly. 

Sidney shook his head. “I imagine her return was not entirely as she anticipated.” 

Rolling her eyes Georgiana looked around. “I don’t believe she had any intention of any return. It was Lady Worcester who dragged her here.” 

Sidney nodded. “Yes, I do believe you are right, but I do not think she had any ill intentions. She means to have a stable built.”

Georgiana turned and her eyes blinked. “Stables!” her heart lept. “Why that is wonderful!” 

Sidney blinked confused and shook his head. “Why does this news seem to please you so?” 

Turning she noticed Sir Radmore approaching. “Why more business of course. If there are more horses there will be more races, and the more races there are the more people are inclined to….sleep in my hotel.” she recovered. 

Sidney smirked at her comment. He knew she was the silent owner of the Gentlemen's club as well as owning the hotel that resided above the club. Sir Radmore required all the signs of success and reputation for he had secretly lost over half his fortune on a risky scheme. Now he paired up with Georgiana since women were not known to handle business in this manner let alone once from her background and he was not about to throw his weight around seeming perfectly happy to do as he was bid. It was a sensible partnership and Sidney was beginning to wonder why they did not just marry. It would certainly render the situation less precarious. 

Insofar Sir Radmore was supposed to acquire a suitable wife for his uncle Lord Barnes but seemed to be neglecting that task. 

Georgiana took the drink and stepped from the two gentlemen and strolled away. Sir Radmore sighed. “How are you holding up Mr. Parker?” 

Sidney took another filling breath and nodded. “Well enough for a rumored cuckold.”

Wincing Sir Radmore nodded. “I would send her away,” he said simply. 

Sidney’s jaw clenched and he felt his anger rise as he was trying to relax. A cricket match was an invitation, an obligation to be on display. A day to be watched by all and he wasn’t in the play-acting mood that society forced its players to play. 

“Sidney!” Came a familiar voice and he turned with reluctance. 

“Tom,” he said pursing his lips shortly after and softened his expression when his eyes lighted on Mary. “Mary,” he said lightly inclining his head. 

“Ready old chap?” his brother asked looking at his form up and down. 

Sidney’s sleeves were already rolled up and his jacket abandoned from early heat out of place so early in the season. The green was blocked from the wind by some old grove trees and it made the air more still than it had been in years before when they played on the sand. 

“Do I look ready?” he asked coldly. 

Tom’s happy expression dropped and he looked around. “You alright brother?” he asked. 

Sidney turned from him impatient with the questions. 

“Of course. Excuse me,” he said and turned to get ready. The ladies were late and it was making the men who had already gathered anxiously. 

“Oh, Sidney!” Came Diana’s bright voice as she went to greet him. But Sidney could not manage manners at that moment. 

“Diana,” he nodded curtly and walked away. 

“What in Sanditon is the matter with him?” Their sister asked coming to Tom. “Is he forever going to be in a mood? Honestly, he has not talked to me more than three sentences since Arthur and I arrived,” she said hurt. 

Tom shook his head regretfully. “He has a lot to contend with dear sister. More than I had thought.” 

He smiled. “Come now let us find you a good place to view.” 

Mary smiled and took off her jacket exposing her tan-colored dress. 

“Mary? You are going to play?” he asked. 

She smiled and nodded. “Yes, I have been practicing.” 

Tom’s eyes were wide. “But then we will be playing against one another!” he protested. 

Her eyes sparkled. “What? Afraid you will lose to the likes of your wife?” she asked playfully. 

His mouth had dropped but he could not deny the sense of excitement that fired to life. 

“No, no….perhaps it just might be a pleasure to beat you my dear.” he teased.


	28. Chapter 28

Eliza eye’ ed Sidney from across the green. The men stood idle and ready. She knew he was in a foul temper about the fact she had been out all night for the last number of evenings. The only conclusion to be made that she slept in another's bed which was not incorrect. 

It had been unwise but she could feel her hold on Lord Sellac slipping. 

“Good afternoon Eliza.” Came Diana’s universally kind voice. “Such lovely weather we are having.” 

Eliza plastered a nervous smile on her face. “Diana, so good to see you. I am so sorry I have not gotten the chance to catch up with you since your return a few days ago.” she apologized but did not mean it. “I have been so busy.” 

Arthur smiled and nodded. “Flora was a joy on our walk yesterday, was she not Diana?” 

His sister smiled and beamed. “Oh yes, she was so lively. It was a real treat to have such a jolly girl for ones walking partner.” 

Suddenly the society and family games had become so tedious to Eliza and her breathing changed. 

Eliza’s palms had gone sweaty and she knew her brow had to be perspiring. Digging into her sleeve on her spencer she fished out a handkerchief and held it to her brow. Her gloves would soak up the moisture there, but sweating to publically was quite unnecessary. 

Smiling she looked to her daughter who was playing with her nurse and cousins and she smiled pained. Seemed everyone was so happy with Flora, but all she could see what a manipulating and calculating child. 

“I am glad you enjoyed her. I was planning on taking her back with me to London, but she seems at home here with her father.” she glanced at Sidney who was beyond earshot. He was avoiding her eye contact, it enraged her but she knew she had little cause to fight with him. With Miss Heywood’s return, her careful balance of pleasure and duty had been entirely disrupted and she was no longer sure Sidney would dutifully look the other way. 

And her efforts to keep Lord Sellac on her hook were proving to be too risky. She could see the looks, and how now circles started to close her off. Not outright yet but soon they would be if she was not careful. 

Even now Lord Sellac was paying court to the younger Miss Beaufort and Eliza took out her fan to exercise her frustration using her wrist. He would be a prize if she were too free… she thought and closed her eyes against the idea. 

“Are you quite alright Eliza?” Arthur whispered said seeing her distressed expression. Careful not to draw attention. 

She shook her head and smiled. “I am just over hot,” she said. 

He smiled. “Please allow me to fetch you some punch. That should set you to rights, and perhaps a seat?” he rushed to find one. 

Eliza looked to Lord Sellac to see if he stole glances, then to Sidney to see neither were interested in her obvious weakness. Both were rolling up their sleeves and practicing their swing. 

Conversations buzzed around her as her mind swam in the confusing sea of her actions and the figures in her life. Perhaps she had gone too far. 

Her eye’s misted as she tried not to lose composure. Her face hardened and she looked across the field that was now being paced in wait for the rest of the female's team.

But then she saw her… The elder Miss Heywood wasn’t dressed like the others. She wore a light crisp white dress, artfully displaying her innocence to the world as she walked companionably with the remaining women’s team since Mary had come separately. 

Her blue eyes flashed to Sidney who stood dumbfounded and as if he wanted to go to her but was stuck in place. 

How could he admire such a little inconsequential thing?

Silly for Miss Heywood to worry the town so with going for a walk without the proper attire. How could Sidney still find her preferable to his own wife after all these years? 

Internally Eliza was satisfied to not see the signature tan color on her meaning Miss Heywood would not be playing, rendering it difficult for Sidney to pay attention to her on account of the game.

Taking the punch Arthur finally had brought her she watched as Lady Denham and her small entourage came in great pomp and set up her own canopy and table and visibly invited Lady Worcester and the two Heywood girls to join her. Always favored more than she should be. 

Her eyes traveled back to her husband and she could see what a striking figure he still was upon the field. If they were in better relations she would smile and blush at compliments from the ladies admiring his form but now none even spoke to her besides 

Looking to Lord Sellac he looked to be distracted by the younger girl. It was happening and she did not know how to stop it. Her lover was growing tired of her and she did not know how to stop it. 

Standing abruptly Eliza left the sideline and needed some air. The gathering was so oppressive in its exclusion of her that she could not take it for a second longer. 

No one asked her if she was well when she left despite the knowing judgment in the ladies' glances. Lady Burrell being the worst. Her eyes saw everything and she watched her even now as she leaned over to whisper into another lady's ear. 

Alone on the dunes, she took brief pleasure in the wind in her face her ribbons flying behind her. 

Leaning her head back she tried to imagine a way to get things back to the way they were. A fawning lover, and a compliant husband… 

Sidney was beyond cooperation. She could see that he had perhaps been pushed too far even before Miss Heywood showed up. 

Despite the openness of the great beach of Sanditon she felt backed into a corner and the only way out meant doing something she would burn for. She had done it before only then it had been different. It had been the right thing. Now…was it just self-preservation? 

Sitting down undignified in the sand she shook. What was happening? 

Her life was unraveling and it was because Sidney had not been able to love her again. He never knew what she did for him only to have him reject society for months and she had all but given up seeing him again on the dance floor in another woman's arms. Being held so close… and then he was so immune to her charms. He was not the man she had sinned so terribly to have. 

Perhaps that was reason enough.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to get hopes up. 
> 
> READ THE UPDATE BELOW.

This story is on Hiatus along with all other fan fiction I have been working on. 

But (dear readers) I will give you this promise. This story will be the first priority when I come back to it. 

I have a bunch of stuff I am going through and fan fiction was an escape from it but as I found on my Star Wars Fan Fiction (Clouded Agreements of the Most Divine) that (public) work cannot be assured a safe space for me and I need safe atm. 

My mom may have colon cancer.   
My dad is in chronic Afib, (A heart issue that may kill him) 

My sons kidney issues have flaired up. 

I have original work I really need and desire to focus on. 

This story is not abandoned. I just have had to prioritize my time, my focus and my energies. 

Thank you as always for your support, your love for my work and YOUR LOVE FOR SANDITON.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back for a limited time. I need a little mental break from my (real work). I am not promising to complete this in a rush, or regular chapters. 
> 
> So you know my past reliability with almost daily chapters with Choked Elopement and with River and the man... Yeah... Don't expect that. 
> 
> And yay! Looks like we just might be getting our legit season 2!

“Are you very well Miss Heywood?” came Lady Denham’s concerned voice from across the table. 

Charlotte smiled and nodded. “I am excited to see my sister play against the men of Sanditon.” 

“Your nearly legendary play has been talked of for many years. I do hope your sister lives up to the example you set.” Lady Denham sipped her punch. “I quite like the united gentlemen’s and laborer's unity against the women. To see them so concerned at being outmatched against some girls and mothers…” she laughed gaily. “They must have some awareness to their shortcomings in all other avenues to want to excel so much when on a level field.”

Charlotte smiled and looked to Lady Susan who nodded and commented her hearty agreement to the observation. The old woman did not mention the drama of the days before, or how ridiculous she felt for her emotional walk that had turned both dangerous and dramatic. 

She knew well from the cook Claudet that rumors had spread that it had possibly been a suicide attempt, so she was doubly pleased that Lady Denham had so far made no mention of it. 

“Please excuse me, I wish to get something to eat.” Charlotte stood as Allyson went to join the women’s team that gathered. She noticed Sidney’s eyes look her way and she scanned the crowd for Eliza. Flora played with her cousins and nurse, but she could not see Mrs. Eliza Parker on the sidelines and for that, she breathed a small sigh of relief.   
les. 

“Miss Heywood looks out of her element today. She used to strike me as such a robust sort of girl. Steady and true.” Lady Denham said as the game started and her eyes were seemingly engaged on the sport but her foggy ears were centered squarely on her companion Lady Worcester. 

“I agree Miss Heywood is not at her best at present. And it is all due to me, I am afraid,” she said louder than she wished. It was no use to be discrete when one's companion was hard of hearing. 

The old woman spared her a glance and frowned to convey her displeasure at the reply. “How, how indeed is it due to you? You who have been her benefactor and her greatest friend? How on earth could you be the bee in Miss Heywood's bonnet?” 

Chuckling to herself Susan sipped her champagne preferring that to punch. “I fear I am most assuredly perhaps even the queen bee of my dear Charlotte’s problems at present and I should have thought of her more than myself in my decision coming here or in my business plans. But I am afraid I rationalized that somehow it was for her betterment.” 

Lady Denham shrugged. “Business is business, and it is for her own good. His too I would wager,” she said looking directly at Mr. Parker who was scratching at his chin and looking Miss Heywood’s direction as the ball sped past him. 

“I thought you abhorred the pleasure of gambling?” Lady Susan countered with a sly smile. 

The older Lady shrugged. “Well, I am not adverse if I see a sure win.” 

“Is it my understanding that you see a way for a sure win?” Lady Susan asked. 

The Old woman smiled and nodded. “That conversation is not for this company my dear Lady Worcester. Perhaps I shall come for tea, upon a day.” her smile was sly and Lady Susan could not help but feel intrigued by her interest in the situation. 

“You are welcome to call at whatever hour is most convenient.” Susan smiled warmly. 

Lady Denham nodded and turned her attention back to the game but her eyes were flashing about the entire field. Taking note of all the ladies, and gentlemen and who their eyes turned and fell upon. 

“I see Lord Sellac’s eyes are on the roll again. I thought Phillida Beaufort was for Sir Radmore?” Lady Denham asked suddenly. 

Lady Susan raised her brows and observed the exchanged looks and flirtatious smiles. 

“Lord Sellac does not need a fortune,” Lady Susan commented. “He has a vast one, lands to go with, and a title. He is at liberty to marry where he chooses. But it has been my observation that he prefers dalliances.” she frowned. 

Grinding her teeth with irritation Lady Denham pulled out her fan and snapped it into movement. “Indeed. When it was widow’s and married vipers I cared little, but if it is eligible young ladies then something should be done to shackle the beast.” 

“You think marriage would tame him?” Lady Susan asked shocked. 

Lady Denham nodded and looked at her seriously. “Doesn’t it restrain us all? It is better than the restraints are as soft as silk, ” she stopped and looked around to see eyes on them. “Rather than chafe.” 

Lady Worcester nodded and smiled. “Lady Denham, you scandalize.” 

The old woman rolled her eyes. “I wish I had more life in me I could scandalize,” she said sternly. “I lived a life that is without reproach.” she scoffed. “You can imagine the regrets.” 

Lady Susan smiled at that and nodded. “It does help to settle one's self securely before taking such risks. After all…” she sipped her flute lazily. “Mrs. E. Parker seems to get away with much from what I hear.” 

The smack of the ball drew the attention of the crowd and they all gasped as Sir Radmore made the run against Mrs. Mary Parker who hitched up her skirts and made a dash of it. 

Lady Denham shook her head.

—

“So you have emerged from hiding.” Georgiana’s voice came upon her while her back was turned as she picked up two sandwiches triangles. 

Spinning around Charlotte blushed. “Can you blame me? People think I was trying to kill myself.” 

Georgiana looked at her sternly. “Were you?” her eyes hinted at her past brush with strong emotions which led her to a cliffs edge many years before that only a stranger had coaxed her from. One who became a friend. 

Charlotte looked around embarrassed. “I was overcome with emotion. But I had no intentions besides running as far from this place as I could.” 

Georgiana shook her head. “Where is your sense then?” she asked. “You could have simply packed at went home.” 

Charlotte gazed past the small space above her friend's shoulder to see Sidney looking their way. Her stomach flopped. She had the same instinct to run again. She was terrified of him and how he made her feel. 

Would she ever be able to forget him? She felt the tears start to gather. 

“Come on Sidney!” A shout sounded beside the ladies and they jumped. 

“Get in the game! The ball flew right past you!” Reverend Hankins who was not referring this time shouted as he pulled off his had frustratedly and looked to Mrs. Griffiths. 

Sidney’s hungry eyes held to Charlotte’s once more before he reluctantly looked back to the field and his lagging team. The ladies were winning and both Georgiana and Charlotte stopped a moment to observe the determined and gleeful face on Lady Babington’s face. 

“If you are so unhappy here Charlotte, you should go home,” Georgiana whispered. “I don’t want you hurt again.” 

Charlotte watched the man she loved swing his arms and miss the ball and could view his lips as they uttered a frustrated curse. 

With a sigh, she looked around and leaned forward. “To be hurt again one would need to recover.” she laughed. “Upon reflection, I think I am still mortally wounded from the first time. Perhaps a second time will finally put me out of my misery.” she laughed nervously to see Mr. Stringer was wearing her sister's color on his arm. “I am an old maid, and even going home to my family is becoming less of an option.” she bit her lip.

Georgiana sighed. “I could contrive a position for you, here.” she fanned herself. “But I do not suppose that would be of any use.” 

Charlotte shook her head. “No.”

“He is not staying with her for her sake,” Georgiana said seriously. 

Charlotte blinked and shook her head. “I have no thoughts on his why’s. They are none of my business.” she tried to not care as she now watched Sidney strike out against her sister. He did not look too pleased either, but saluted Allyson politely none the less and moved in their direction.


	31. Chapter 31

Georgiana’s back stood ramrod straight as her former guardian left the field. 

“Sidney is distracted.” She said her face serious and not relishing the moment even a little. Not even for the sake of the women winning the game. 

The ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’s!’ lining the white chairs on the field, followed by the claps filled their ears. 

“Miss Heywood…” Little Flora’s whispered voice carried up from under the curtain hang of a linen table cloth. 

Charlotte looked down and then placed her plate on the table. “Flora, what are you doing down there?” she asked. 

“Hiding.” she giggled. “Until papa is finished,” she whispered. 

Charlotte was now crouched. “Well I think your papa has just recently come out of the game, little minx.” she smiled warmly. “Will you not come out then?’ she asked. 

Flora shook her head. “No, but could you give me some cake?” she asked. 

Georgiana looked at the little girl's face and smiled at Charlotte who grinned seeing the remnants of cake already on the little girl's face. 

“Have you already had a piece?” Charlotte asked. 

Flora bit her lip. “It was just a tiny one, then I had that even smaller second one.” she moaned “I just want perhaps a third tiny one?” she negotiated. 

Charlotte scoffed. “How about a sandwich to balance out all that sugar.” 

Georgiana nodded. “Yes, I think that would be best.” 

Charlotte handed the girl half of her food and took only one of her triangles and chewed it with delight. 

“I am so glad you are not a corpus, Miss Heywood.” the girl said and turned and crawled the other direction, losing herself among the other tables linen tops. 

Georgiana frowned. “Corpse. I do think that girl was illuding to your death,” she said blinkingly. 

Charlotte sighed. “I was so foolish in the way I behaved. Seems even the children know the foolishness I was up to…” she sighed and rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what madness came over me.” 

Georgiana nodded. “I know…” she said as they both went to stand noticing Sidney walking their way looking put together again. 

“Miss Heywood.” he nodded. 

She blinked. “Mr. Parker.” 

“I would like but a moment,” he said indicating a casual stroll among the green and edge of the town streets. 

Charlotte looked to Georgiana. “Perhaps Georgiana could come along for some…” 

He nodded. “Of course.” 

Georgiana grudgingly followed beside but tried to remain aloof and not a part of the conversation that was being had. 

“Are you much recovered?” Sidney asked her, his voice noticeably shaking. 

She nodded. “I was only chilled.” her cheeks burned. Turning slightly. “I was not trying to do anything drastic, Mr. Parker. I just felt trapped and wished to go home, but… “ she was frustrated and looked around then to Georgiana. “It is hard to explain.” 

He nodded. “If you wish to return, perhaps it is best.” 

She nodded. “But is it best now for Allyson, my sister… I do not believe you have been introduced yet. She may have a new admirer.” she nodded to Mr. Stringer. 

Sidney turned and noticed the colors being worn on his arm and his heart lifted. “I thought his heart was for you.” 

A near smile ghosted across her face. “And mine might have been for him, if not another had stepped in so firmly.” her breath hitched as she realized she had a slip of the tongue and her hand covered her mouth embarrassed. 

Sidney however remained silent as he listened to her unexpected confession. 

“I can't be rid of you,” she whispered. “And I am growing resolved to die an old maid,” she answered as stonily as she could. “but the pain of it is more than I expected.” she blinked to repress emotion. 

His gaze held hers as he opened his mouth hesitantly and looked to Georgiana nervous of the presence of their companion. “I rise early, as the dawn breaks.” His voice was very quiet.” 

Charlotte looked around and to Georgiana who feigned looking at the pitch. 

“No one is about on the beach. We can talk there, better…” he whispered on. “There are things that need to be said before there is silence between us once again.” 

A lump formed in her throat and she found it difficult to agree or refuse. He just looked into her eyes for understanding, which she did. But dawn was rather early. 

She looked around them to the match that continued to play out. Her sister was smiling at Mr. Stringer with a flirtatious air she felt almost jealous of. 

Not for the man, she smiled at, but for the freedom of being able to flirt openly, and hope… 

Charlotte tucked a stray hair back and looked about. “Mrs. Parker is not in attendance,” she commented, not obligating herself to his statement. 

He looked about. “Yes, I see she has slipped off.” his eyes roved back to the field he had just struck out on to see Lord Sellac was still there, so she was not off on a tryst with him. 

“Perhaps she has need of you?” Charlotte suggested. 

Sidney shook his head. “She always has need of me…” he whispered. “And my continued silence. But I am not her pet,” he said with distaste. “I do not chase after as I once did…” 

Charlotte’s glance shied from him and his weighted words as Georgiana seemed to be visually engaged on the match so her own eyes fell upon the field. 

“You struck out early.” Her voice was tentative as she watched Sir Radmore up to bat and his smile flashed their way. 

Sidney scoffed. “I don’t give to flicks of sand about this silly event.” he rolled his eyes. 

“You are being a bore, Sidney.” Georgiana chided revealing she had been listening to the conversation the entire time. 

His jaw flexed and Charlotte felt the tightening low in her belly as she wished to soothe the worry that spread across his face. 

“Quite right, I am often a bore.” he tried to smile. “It is why you avoid me.” 

His former ward rolled her eyes. “I avoid your wife and I disdain the choices you made for me and yourself. But I don’t avoid you because you are a bore.” she laughed. “If I avoided people for that I would have nothing to do with Sir Radmore.” 

Charlotte glanced the way of the man she spoke of and smiled thinking there was some form of unacknowledged attachment. 

Sidney laughed at that. “Then you must esteem me covertly as you do him.” 

Georgiana turned her level head at him haughtily. “I must put up with him for business reasons. Pardon me Charlotte, I must excuse myself from such low and unacceptable accusations.”

Charlotte winced and tried to not immediately follow for it would cause a bigger scene than if she were to just finish up and leave his side after casual pleasantries. 

Sidney winced. “Pardon me, Miss Heywood…” he whispered. “I still enjoy teasing and not always at the most appropriate times.” 

Charlotte sighed. “No, your timing has never been too good, has it, Mr. Parker?” she asked seriously and looked up at him with intent. 

He looked at her speechless for a moment. “Will you meet me at dawn?” his question was punctuated with another hit of the bat against the ball by another female cricket player and the crowd was cheering. 

Charlotte’s stomach did a full somersault. “I shouldn’t.” 

Sidney's nod and harsh swallow initiated his plea. “I will be there, hoping for but another moment of your time, wholly undeserved it is.” his brown eyes desperate. 

Looking back at the green then him again she struggled. “Good day Mr. Parker.” 

Charlotte’s breath was quaking as she answered him and went to leave. 

He nodded and looked down unsure of her answer and torn between pressing the subject and leaving her be. But the audience of the crowd, though momentarily distracted by the lively game was not enough to give him courage. 

She wished to be left alone for the time being and wanted to respect that. But before they were parted once again, he needed to know that she would be well.

That she would seek happiness because he could not bear knowing he had caused her this agony. It had been hard enough to know he was miserable.


	32. Chapter 32

Sidney sat in the Crown hotel saloon serious with Babers and Crowe at his side. 

“Esther is never going to let me hear the end of it,” Babington said as he sipped his ale. 

Crowe was not his usual jovial self and even Sidney noticed despite the many topics and emotions weighing his mind. 

“You are awfully silent Crowe,” he said pouring himself and his friend a shot. Though he indulged now, he was going to cut himself off after this last drink since he intended to see himself through to sunrise. 

Potentially their last conversation if she granted it to him. He didn’t know what to say, for now, he turned his attention to a friend. 

Crowe shook his head. “Mr. Stringer’s eyes seem to have shifted.” 

Sidney sat up straight and glanced to Babington. “You have met the younger Miss Heywood?” he asked. 

Crowe nodded. “Yes, that night, and again when I looked in the next day.” he sighed. “No matter, better to dodge that bullet, eh?” he laughed looking at Babington’s somber face. “A wife just waiting to rub it in your face you lost, and you Mr. Parker…we all know what ails you and it is your wife.” he scoffed. “Tis the bachelor life for me.”

Babington frowned. “If you like her, we know the Heywood’s to be the best sort. I do not suppose you would have any regrets. And as to my Esther… I have no regrets. Just perhaps a little bruised pride she orchestrated a game that outplayed us so…humiliatingly.” 

Crowe rolled his eyes. “Will if Sidney had not struck out so early we might have not lost morale so early on. It was like we just handed the win to them. It wasn’t even a fair game. And Lord Sellac throwing the softest balls at that one girl….” He waved his hand impatiently. “What is her name?” 

“Miss Beaufort.” Lord Babington sighed. “And Mr. Stringer was throwing softer ones at the younger Miss Heywood, and I think she found it patronizing.” he offered. 

Mr. Crowe perked up. “You think?” he asked. 

Sidney nodded though he reflected that he hardly remembered any other moment of the match besides the moments shared with Charlotte. 

“I think you have a chance with the girl if you played your cards right.” Babington encouraged. 

Crowe shook his head. “You are not just saying that?” he asked. 

Sidney smiled. “You ought to get in there before it is too late.” he cautioned. “Mr. Stringer is likely of a mind to marry at this juncture and I would wager he would not move slowly this time as he seemed to with Ch-…” he sighed, frustrated that he was still not quite able to say her name openly in public. “I mean the older Miss Heywood. He is no longer just a Laborer’s son. He has his own thriving business. Much more to recommend himself to a gentleman's daughter than he had five years ago.” 

Crowe winced. “I don’t have much to show for myself. I waste my fortune regularly.” 

Babington laughed. “Yes, miraculously you sober up from time to time and win it all back. It’s bloody inspiring, is it not Sidney?” 

Sidney nodded. “Indeed. I wish I had your luck.”

Crowe rolled his eyes. 

“What about you Sidney, you struck out and then scuttled off to Miss Charlotte. Daring man…” he whispered. “Of course that was before your Mrs. Parker came back to the gathering.”

Sidney glared at the topic being brought up. “I was merely checking in on Miss Heywood. I had not been able to since that night. She seems most recovered.” 

Crowe’s brows rose and he scoffed. “Does she? I thought she looked flustered and avoidant.” 

Babington looked between the two men seriously. 

“She has recovered, has she not?” Babington asked. “My Esther assured me she was well.” 

Sidney shook his head. “No she is not well, much as I am not,” he said through gritted teeth. He wanted to slam his hand against the table. “She feels she will die an old maid and that she has lost all her opportunities at marriage, and family…” he closed his eyes. “Because of me.” his voice shook. 

“She said all that?” Babington said, his voice almost breathless. 

Sidney shook his head. “Yes, but not quite in so many words… I mean, I don’t know if she blames me.” he looked around, then back to the table morosely. “But I blame myself. I took a gamble, thinking I would have it all, but the woman lied and tricked me.”

Crowe frowned. “Miss Heywood tricked you?” his voice conveyed disbelief. 

Sidney shook his head. “No, Eliza…She lied. I made a deal with her… and in the end, she trapped me.” 

Lord Babington leaned in. “How did she trap you?” 

Sidney grew frustratingly silent from his friends at the table. 

“My friend, why haven’t you told us any of this?” 

Sidney shook his head. “I have already said too much.” he rubbed at his face. “It is not a topic for any company I am afraid.” 

Crowe squinted his eyes and held his bottle seriously. “What does that spider hold over you that you do not thrice fold?” 

Sidney’s throat tightened. He could not disagree. 

“Send her to the north country,” Babington said gruffly. “She is making a mockery of you among the Beau Monde now.” he lowered his voice. “Openly it seems.” 

The temper Sidney was trying to control bubbled and simmered. 

“I say this as your friend.” Babington pressed. “She is hurting your reputation now, and Flora’s…Even Sanditon’s eventually.” 

Clearing his throat he nodded. “It is high time I draw the line with the woman I exchanged worthless vows with. But divorce is out of the question.” 

Crowe scoffed. “I cannot imagine why.” he rolled his eyes. “The woman would be ruined and you would be free to have Miss Heywood.” 

Shaking his head Sidney blinked. “I do not deserve Charlotte,” he closed his eyes. “She deserves better.” 

Babington leaned forward to whisper. “You chose Eliza to save Sanditon.” his voice gentle. 

Sidney shook his head. “Yes, and greed.” he took a shuddering breath. “I thought I was going to have it all…after a time, God help me.” 

Both Babington and Crowe waited for elaboration but none was forthcoming. 

“I think I will catch a wink here at the crown and make sure I get woken at the right time. I have an appointment early in the morning,” he said and stood with a heavy sigh. 

Babington and Crowe just looked up at him confused. 

Turning as he left he regarded his friends he was leaving at the table. “Crowe, don’t miss an opportunity with the younger Miss Heywood. Charlotte spoke very well of her sister and she is likely a good match for you.” he turned and left as Sir Radmore and Lord Sellac filed down with Tom and Arthur on the narrow stair.

“Brother, are you not staying to drown our woe’s of loss against the women?” Tom asked. 

Sidney shook his head. “As you know I am of the drink all too often. I think tonight I shall try to catch a wink of sleep instead before an early rise.” He said and turned with a sigh. “Good night Tom, Arthur.” he nodded as he passed his fellow teammates as he went upstairs to secure a room and a wake-up call.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My brother is through the woods and tested negative now. My niece also got it, she is also on the mend. My mom is well, my dad could always be better... but it is what it is.

Charlotte pondered the day's events. It was not just her interaction with Sidney which knotted her up. It was the illusion of or to an alliance between Lady Denham and Lady Susan which got her confused and concerned. Two such powerful women together could wreak some utter havoc on Sanditon and the general peace if they thought they knew better. 

“Did you see Charlotte, Mr. Stringer wore my colors?” Allison said carefully. Her cheeks blushed and her mouth pulled and the corners in an eager smile, but she was nervous as the welcome of the subject. 

Nodding to her sister she sighed. “He seemed to pay you particular attention.” 

Her sister frowned. “Oh Charlotte, we cannot possibly be in love with the same man!” she said dramatically. 

Charlotte scoffed and stood at the preposterous statement and went to her nightcap. 

“In love, with Mr. Stringer?” she shook her head. “I am jealous, yes.” she smiled sweetly. “You get to be free and open in your flirtations, but I am not in love with Mr. Stringer. And prey sister, tell me you are not in love so soon yourself!” she accused. “And still a young man back in Willingden, a Mr. Conride believes you think the world of him and only are visiting your sister in Sanditon, not falling in love with a successful architect.” she sighed. “Poor man.”

Allison shook her head. “Don’t speak of him. It just makes me feel awful.” she pouted, her glee and giddiness quite diminished. “He really is a good man, but to ignore Mr. Stringer…would be to snub the attentions of a man with far more to offer.” 

Charlotte frowned but nodded. “So you do not love Mr. Conride?” 

Allison seemed to struggle for a moment. “I mean… I really thought perhaps I loved him. He was quite handsome as far as men I knew in Willingden. But now I am here, and I suppose I would be remiss if I just not scan the field as I believe Lady Susan would say.”

Charlotte nodded in agreement. Lady Susan would likely say something very like that. And Mr. Stringer, though he was not a gentleman he was a man of means now. And would be a wise choice for her sister. 

“If you love him, then I support it. Mr. Stringer has known some real heartbreak and perhaps there is a chance I was a small part of it. But I just wish his happiness, and for him to really find love.” Charlotte sat down on the bed sipping her drink. 

Allison frowned. “What about me Charlotte?” 

She turned and shook her head. “What do you mean?” 

Alison looked hurt and irritated. “You have all this care for him and his feelings, but yet you say yourself he had feelings for you. Maybe he even loved you.” Her sister's eyes shimmered in tears. “Maybe he won't ever feel quite the same for me. Maybe he only looked at me because he feels he cannot truly have you?”

Her eye dropped the trail of a tear and Charlotte realized she wasn’t thinking about her sister at all. She had assumed it was just a minor flirtation and was only worried about Mr. Stringer’s feelings that she had not even given a second's thoughts to how her sister might feel in the same situation. 

“Oh, Allison,” she turned. “I am so sorry.” she closed her eyes and sighed. I cannot seem to think right nowadays. Of course, that would be awful and I don’t want that for you. I want your feelings both to be returned in equal measure. I want your both to be mad in love and no obstacles standing in either of your ways.” she tried to soothe but Allison seemed resistant and took the nightcap and drank it in one go. 

“You talked to him today.” Allison changed the subject. 

Charlotte shook her head and shrugged. “Yes, we talked…” she rolled her eyes. “It is what polite people do at events.” 

Allison shook her head in disbelief. “I always know when you lie.” 

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “I am tired.” 

Allison slowly lifted herself from her bed. “Fine, fine… You must be planning an early morning bathing excursion…” she turned and blinked. “Want me to come with you?” 

Charlotte groaned. “No, but I was planning on taking a long walk to Brighton. Perhaps you might join me on that,” she said sarcastically. 

Allison chuckled and smiled. “I still need to sea bathe. I haven’t gotten the chance yet.” 

Pulling her bed covers back Charlotte nodded remembering her first time. It was with Clara and she had thought her a friend though she had never heard from the woman again. 

“Early morning is the coldest and I am sure you may never jump in again if that is your first immersion.” She concluded. “Perhaps a little later in the day. It would not do to catch a chill.” 

“You are not happy with me or my coming here at all, are you?” Allison asked. 

Charlotte sighed. “Of course I am. I missed you.” 

Allison shook her head. “It hasn’t felt like it.” 

Charlotte felt tears burn in her eyes as the door closed as her sister left with heavy parting words. 

Lady Susan had overheard the conversation from the hallway and put her hand to her lips in thought as she hid in the shadow.

The old cook came up the stair and nodded at Miss Allison. “Have a good sleep Miss Heywood.” 

Allison nodded and tried to smile. “You as well, Mrs. Claudet.”

The cook passed by Lady Susan and knocked on the door and opened her room. “My lady?” 

Susan stepped from the shadows. “Right here Claudet” she whispered. 

The old cook gasped as she turned. “Saints be, you weren't there just a moment ago!” the woman said breathlessly with a fright. 

Lady Susan rushed into her room.  
“I was hiding in the curtain you superstitious old crone.” she tapped her sweet old cook on the nose. “Calm your withers or your heart will give out, and then who will make Mrs. Claudet’s best tarts?”

The old cook clutched at her chest. “Why were you hiding in your own shadow’s my lady?”

Susan went to her mirror and sat down to brush out her curls. “To gauge the damage I have done and the damage to come from my actions,” she said seriously. “Why ever else?” 

“Miss Charlotte going to be alright?” Mrs. Claudet asked. 

Lady Susan looked up from her dressing table to see her cook through the reflection of her looking glass. “I believe she will, if she is but willing to take some risks she might not be willing to for proprieties sake.” she looked down to her wrist. “The man who loves her will need to be willing to take even bigger risks than she, but it is not in my power to make them leap of they will not. Only thing that could be done was lead them to the cliff and hope they jump.”


	34. Chapter 34

Sidney had woken early and wasted no time to reach the shore. He did not make the effort on his disheveled appearance, opting instead for haste.

He knew he had stubble, and his hair was askew, but if the wind would allow his hat would stay on, and if not the wind would be blowing his hair about that where it lay would not matter anyway. 

It was nearly sunrise as he waited with worry that this would be the last time he would speak to Charlotte. He had not even rehearsed or practiced what it was he wished to say, he just knew there was a lifetime of conversations that he felt compelled to attempt to condense into one meaningful conversation that would sustain him and hopefully free her, because no matter the outcome with his wife he did not wish the scandal upon her or her undeserving family of the drama of his ilk. 

He sighed as he watched the sunrise thinking of her and her eyes under the light of the first ball they met and he felt his eyes shine wetly with the memory but his mouth smiled. 

Then his mind wandered as the object threw brighter light across the sky he thought of how she had brought light back into his life again. Even now, married and seemingly hopeless he was the happiest and the most miserable he had been in five years and he was loathed to end it. 

“I seem to find you in good spirits, Mr. Parker?” Charlotte’s voice startled him. 

He turned and his eyes softened as he turned. “I was afraid you would not come.” 

She cocked her head and looked at the morning sun. “I did not think it wise, but then I was kept up all night with worrying thoughts about it that I did not sleep a wink. So as the blue and purple light formed I felt I ought to try to sleep and ignore your request, but then I thought of you…out here waiting,” she said sadly. “I could not do that.” 

Sidney smiled. “No?” he stepped hesitantly closer. “You are too tender-hearted even still to a man who could never deserve it?” 

Charlotte frowned. “Deserve it?” she questioned. “Sidney.” 

Her mouth uttered his name and all his control snapped and he stepped closer to her. “Charlotte…” he whispered. “Charlotte…” 

His mouth ghosted over hers in almost a fearful way but when she did not retreat he pressed more in earnest and he soon felt her hands upon his chest and he felt the world tilt and shift. 

The wind blew the surf and it engulfed both of their ears as the most dazzling sunrise illuminated their embrace. 

His hand moved gently to her neck and he knew he did not wish to let go of this moment but they could not just stand there near the surf kissing. All of Sanditon would soon see them. 

Pulling his mouth from hers his lips pulled back almost ferally. “This was not what I meant when I asked you for a conversation,” he whispered as he pressed his head against her forehead. “But when you said my name… I just… I had forgotten what it sounded like outside of my head.” he still held her. 

Charlotte pulled back from him a little remembering herself and their public position on the beach. Though they did not see anyone about, they could see the buildings and people could be looking out of any one of those buildings. 

“I should not have.” Charlotte’s hand went to her mouth. 

Sidney shook his head and reluctantly released her from his arms. “It was entirely my fault.” but he could not move. “I still love you.” 

She felt herself gasp. “You should not say such things, you have a wife and a child…” Charlotte turned. 

Moving to stop her retreat he took her hand. “She isn’t my wife… Not fully in the sight of God,” he whispered. “I just can't get out of the arrangement without hurting someone innocent and very dear to me.” 

Charlotte shook her head. “I don’t understand. How could Eliza not be your wife?” she asked. 

He sighed and winced. “It does not matter, but she is not and has never been a proper wife to me,” he promised her. “I once spoke of being obliged to engage myself to her, and that I must fulfill my side of the bargain, well I have.” 

Charlotte’s brows furrowed in confusion. “But Flora, your daughter… Of course, you have a marriage. If you didn’t then your own child would be illegitimate.” 

Sidney sighed. “Nothing is quite as it seems..." he said regretfully. 

Her brow just furrowed deeper in question. 

Sidney opened his mouth hesitantly but still compelled to speak. "I must ask you to not speak a word to anyone about what I have said.” His eyes were gravely serious. “It would compromise someone I care about.” 

Charlotte’s eyes filled with tears and she blinked. “You speak of compromise when you and Eliza..." her lip trembled, "You and she, before the regatta?” she asked astonished. 

The shocked face of Sidney stopped her disapproval, for she could see a conflicted face of both anger and hurt flash across his face. 

"Of course not. I could only think of you," he said with a great shout. "My apologies. 

Her cheeks burned and she felt sorry. 

“I can’t tell you.” he said full of regret for his outburst as he clutched her hand, “Just know… I love you. I never stopped and I don’t want you to leave,” he said not believing the words uttered as he wanted to take a fist to himself. He knew she would be better off going home, or finding another path. But there he was begging her to stay.

Charlotte hesitated. 

“I am entirely selfish… I just kissed you and compromise your reputation greatly and beg you to stay. How am I doing the right thing for the woman I love?” he kissed her hand. “I should be telling you to move on. To find some young man with much to offer…” he sighed. “But those words choke me.” 

Blinking back tears Charlotte shook her head. “I trust perhaps we can love each other from afar, and be wise enough to go no further,” she said with the squeeze of her hand. 

Sidney shook his hand. “So we are to long for each other still, from a respectable and reserved distance?” he asked. “Do tell me, my dearest Charlotte…” his warm brown eyes deep pools of broken emotion. “Will, you ever give your heart to another?” 

Her own eyes reflected her unique shattered pattern. “I am afraid, sir…that I cannot find love in another.” she smiled. “Perhaps I am as you once were?” she suggested. “Bitterly cast-off… destined to sullen countenance and unpleasant disposition.” 

He shied from that comment pained. His hand released hers as if branded by searing heat. 

“I had hoped you did not think too badly of me,” he whispered. 

She shook her head. “No…I don’t think too badly of you Mr. Parker. I try to not think of you at all,” her words echoed his long before he had given her his heart. 

“But I fail,” she said feeling frustrated anger. “You knew you were not emotionally free, you still loved Eliza, but yet you toyed with me on the dance floor, and then in that boat…” she sighed. 

He nodded. “I treated you in ways that I can never forgive myself for,” he said. “If I could go back I-“ 

“You what?” Charlotte stopped him. “You would not take the money?” her eyes rolled. “We both know you had little choice at that point.” She sighed and shook her head realizing she was upset over something that could never be fixed that was years behind the both of them. 

“No matter.” she tried to smile. “I hope you enjoy your walk, Mr. Parker.” 

He shook his head feeling the air rush out of his body. 

“That can’t be all Charlotte,” he said and his arms were now on her shoulders.

“I don’t see how there could be more,” she said simply as she tried to find the will to pull from him. “I would be your lover, your kept woman… and then those whom I care about would no longer be able to see me in society as they once did when my reputation was good.” 

He ground his teeth and released her with every ounce of him that respected her. “Promise me this will not be our last conversation.” 

“Conversations with you are proving risky,” she said now stepping from him to give him a wider berth. 

He nodded. “I can understand your perspective on that. After how I acted just now.” 

She blushed and looked directly at him. “I did not push you away.” she swallowed guiltily, with a sheen of tears in her eyes. “perhaps I just wished to know what it felt like again…” she whispered against the morning breeze. 

His eyes drew in her form and expression with longing. “When can I see you again?” he begged. 

She shook her head. “You and I both know that is a path is far more unfair for my sex than yours,” she said seriously. 

His mouth dry he shook his head. “This does not feel properly resolved.” he blustered as his own emotions threatened to overflow. “I cannot let this be goodbye.” his hand quaked as it hung at his side. 

Charlotte stepped close to him this time of her own will and reached up to the side of his cheek tenderly and he leaned into it as his eyes beheld hers. 

“Sidney, I love you and I likely will die loving you,” she whispered. “Isn’t that perfect in a way?” she tried to smile through tears. “I will never find something to be overly vexed with and you will never again have a chance to break my heart.” 

He shook his head denying her words. 

But her voice continued on. “Our love will remain as full perhaps as it did when we stood upon the balcony the second time ready to give our hearts and our lives to each other.” 

His hand had now threaded into hers. “No, my dearest… It is not perfect,” he whispered. “I want the vexations. I want your tempers at my moods. I want children running us ragged and mad with the noise.” he shook his head. “I want you every day to be there.” 

Charlotte blinked the tears that fell. “But you do see how impossible that is,” she said pulling her hand from his face and her fingers unthreaded from his as she turned. “Good day, Mr. Parker.” 

Sidney stood upon the crashing shores for a long time after he watched her leave. Her skirts billowing behind her. 

Breathing in a panicked breath he could not think clearly and he felt the urge to pace.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously perplexed at how you all think TOM got to be the father? Poor flustered tom, I could NEVER imagine having the ability to manage that one. Lol. Theory of the week award. So unlikely...I like it. But sorry... No. 
> 
> Thankfully for you I think this chapter comes with some answers.

Sir Radmore leaned on the wall, his hat down as Miss Heywood passed to not be recognized or noticed. His mouth bit his smoke and he smiled to himself. 

The girl seemed wise to retreat. Parker played a dangerous game when it came to her life and future.

The enviable scoundrel stood upon the shore for a long while seemingly cursing the gods of the sky or sea. Perhaps both.

The man slowed with a hesitant grimace as he neared about fifteen minutes behind the young lady. 

“Radmore…” he said his hand down at his side, clutched in his hand. His face ragged having not taken to a shave. 

He did not judge, he had not even yet found sleep. He probably looked worse for wear himself. 

“Parker,” he smiled. 

Sidney nodded to him and went to pass but he pressed himself up from the wall and cleared his throat to halt him. 

“You should know that Lord Sellac knew you were sleeping at the crown last night,” he said seriously. “I would suspect he could be found at this hour abed somewhere familiar.”

Sidney’s face darkened thunderously and he moved past him at a pace that was no longer lagging. 

His face had a set purpose to it as well. 

“I should attend, as a witness?” he offered. 

Sidney turned and snapped. “Why should I wish a witness to my shame?” he asked. 

He scoffed. “Why for the legal proceedings, or perhaps a second…” offering seriously, knowing Lord Sellac had the occasion to be called to a duel and win. “Mr. Parker, this is not something you just bash into… You could be murderous and Lord Sellac is of the Peerage.” 

Sidney turned and shook his head. “I will conduct myself as a gentleman,” he said with a tension that looked near snapping. 

Sir Radmore could only nod and respect the man and his wish for privacy to handle this confrontation on his own. It was too bad Mr. Crowe had not remained at his post as he once did, he might have insisted. 

——

Entering the apartment Sidney was occupying, he did not make a commotion. The servants were not even up and about. The hour was early enough that the cook and the scullery maid would have been the only ones awake. 

He did not place his cane aside, but laid his hat to the table and went to the stair and rose it with careful steps. 

He could smell the cologne in the air of the space he passed. It was as if recently the man had passed through. 

Opening his wife’s door he found it askew and her naked entangled among the covers alone and her fluffy dog lifted his head sleepily and then yapped. 

He shook his head and looked about as she groggily reached out. “My lord…” she whispered. 

“I am afraid your Lord has flown the coup…” Sidney said going to the window and looking up and down the street with a fierce expression. 

Eliza sat up aghast and pulled the sheets to her. “Sidney!” she cried. “I was dreaming.” as her dog had exploded into loud barks. 

Sidney shook his head. “No, No more lies…” he spat. “You…” his finger pointed. “This is too far. Under my own roof, gossip all over town.” 

He took his cane and thrashed it against her dressing table that housed all her fine bottles and beauty enhancements, shattering all the contents. 

The dog now retreated to the other side of the bed, no longer brave. 

Eliza looked frightened but then she let the sheet slip a little, exposing her shoulders and chest more alluringly. 

“Sidney, you are acting quite the beast.” She tried to bat her eyes. “Can we not find a place of peace between us?” she asked with her artfully acted innocent eyes. “For our dear Flora! She could wake and hear this!” she implored. 

He met her eyes coldly. “Our dear Flora,” he whispered now quieting himself and his anger just enough. “She is the only thing I allowed to matter to me besides Sanditon in five years.” 

Eliza nodded hopeful in his softer tone. “Yes, remember how she needs us united.” she inched closer. 

He looked down and around at the destruction he had wrought upon her room and then to the naked woman on the bed. 

“You have been the one to risk your daughter's peace,” he said and remembered the kiss he had shared just a half-hour before. “Not I…” he said with a sharpness that she quaked from. “You have acted a whore to the point that many have approached me about your activities. To a point that I know Lord Sellac has just departed.” 

She did not deny his accusation. 

He looked back out the window. “You know I will not claim another child as a belated favor to your seemingly benevolent act of kindness to my family…” he said coldly. “I was not pleased then when I found out with you seven months large, and I would be even less than enthused now.” 

Biting her lip Eliza blinked. “I have been careful with my lovers.” 

Sidney nodded. “Perhaps up until recently you have.” he shook his head now feeling calmer. Eliza was not denying her actions. 

He stood at the door frame. 

“You could just annul the marriage, after-all… you do not need me anymore. Sanditon is thriving enough on its own.” Eliza said watching him lean against the frame. Her tone had changed as if she wanted to toy with him now. 

He chuckled. “But then I would need to pay back the investment, and I do believe I am owed something for the ruse you pulled on me.” he smiled.

She blushed and went to her robe. “Oh yes, poor Sidney…” she pouted with disdain. “He had to marry a rich heiress who lied to him making him think he was to be shortly widowed. You were taking full advantage of me…thinking I was dying.” rolling her eyes annoyed. 

“I never lied to you,” he said simply. “I told you I was in love with another… You promised me you were not long for the world and your fortune would Sanditon’s if I but devote myself to you and your memory when you were gone… You convinced me it was recompense for wounding me so badly in my youth. Now you inflict injury upon me still with every continued breath.” 

Her smile made his fist clench with rage. 

“What can I say… You know I needed a reasonable man who could pass as Flora’s father in a hurry. Courtships take time.” she explained. “Few if anyone has ever questioned where she came from.” 

He turned, biting words back that he wished to unleash. “A divorce…” he stilled thinking of the woman’s increasingly risky actions. “Flora’s parentage would not need to be questioned, and I could leave you penniless.” 

Eliza froze as she had been avoiding the broken glass on her bare feet. “You wouldn’t dare. Divorce would damage her reputation just as well as an annulment.” she sputtered. “I thought you claimed to love her.” 

He leaned and laughed. “You woman are the one incapable of love.” 

Rocking slightly on his heels he sighed. “You have not curbed yourself the entire time you have been here, or even in London from what I hear. And I have tried to not exercise the full scope of my power, but now I find I must,” he said stiffly.

Eliza gasped.

“You will not attend any function without Mary as your guardian. She is no doubt aware of your behavior but is too well mannered to say anything. I will have words with her. As to the apartments, I will hire a man to guard… more than just the front door.” he moved to leave without a nod or parting word, and Eliza clumsily followed cutting her feet as she did. 

Her fluffy dog now braver yapped at her feet and followed his mistress. 

“Sidney, come now… this is excessive,” she said calmly. “I didn’t mean what I said.” 

He did not answer and simply went down the stair. 

“Sidney!” she implored. “We have always been amicable enough, have we not?” 

He shook his head. “No, since I found that your claimed ailment was not mortal in nature but maternal, our amicability ceased. It has been nothing more than a business transaction since then.” 

She shook her head. “What about Flora?” 

He turned. “Flora is the daughter I will always acknowledge. She will never know her real father was the stable master of Mr. Campion or that you were a whore long before your widow weeds.” he sighed. “It is just unfortunate she was not conceived before his death, then your need of me would have been necessary would it not?” 

The woman’s glare shined through the agreeable facade she was trying to portray. 

“Sidney, we are saying so many words in anger. What if she were to overhear?” Eliza suggested. “Or a servant. You know how they gossip.” 

He nodded. “Yes, I know how they gossip. You however momentarily forgot,” he said seriously. “Did you not?” 

She looked down contrite and nodded. “Yes.” 

“I will not be sleeping under the same roof.” he glared. “Should you increase I do not want any to think we had relations. Finished are your afternoon delights and nightly romps. You go nowhere unchaperoned.” 

She looked at him with livid eyes and he wondered if he should now be afraid. The woman could be calculating. 

“I will take another apartment, and Flora will be with me,” he said. “Have her nurse ready her things by mid-afternoon.” 

Eliza shook her head and shrugged. “So we are no longer keeping up the pretense that we are happily married?” she asked. “You go off and take my child from me?” 

Sidney nodded. “Well, that is what you signed me up for when expecting me to take the role of her father. I will protect her from the evils of this world to the best of my ability, even if that means from you.” 

She looked pale and closed her eyes. A defeated nod was all she gave as he turned around. It was as he made it to the door that she asked. 

“You have been a good father to her.” she sighed. “Come now, hasn’t this gotten blow out of proportion?” she asked. “I understand…Entirely!” she said trying to smile now. Cajoling him into submission. “Please Sidney, don’t throw all this carefully cultivated equilibrium away.” 

He picked up his hat as he still had his cane in his hand. 

“Eliza,” he cut her off. “I have not done any of this, the only thing I am guilty of is that I let it go on too long and that I reached for the wrong solution thinking I would still attain all I wanted eventually.” 

“You mean Miss Heywood?” Eliza asked. “You meant to marry Miss Heywood after my death?” she asked with a laugh. 

Sidney clenched his jaw with irritation.  
“Oh Sidney you fool,” she laughed. “I knew you loved her, but you should have known even then that I cared so little for the farm girl that I would have never allowed my money to fall to her.” she cackled. “So of course I was lying. You should have known from the start.” she gloated. 

Sidney shook his head. “Well it is not your money anymore, it is my money.” he laughed. “And I take great pleasure in knowing how easy it would be to have you declared mad.” 

Her face turned hard again and lost its pride. “You wouldn’t!” she shouted. 

The simple shrug he answered was unconvincing and fear gathered and took root inside her. He could see it now. 

“I will return for mine and Flora’s things after I have arranged apartments elsewhere,” he said turning. “Perhaps I shall take the smallest ones in Grand View. I know how you always wanted me to take one for ourselves.” he poked with his words. “Now I think I will.” 

Leaving the apartments he felt less angry and thoughts of being so near Charlotte at Grandview took over his mind as he went to his offices to determine occupancies.


	36. Chapter 36

Charlotte found herself sitting at the breakfast table long before the servants stirred, her cheeks cooled by the morning breeze and she sat closest to the fire that she had shakily started herself as she thought of the unrestrained kiss she allowed Sidney to give her. One she had returned with as much passion as he had. In the open for all to potentially see. 

Being at such a distance none would have known it was they who kissed. But it was neither decent nor how the conduct of a woman unmarried condition or of climbing years should comport herself. 

Mrs. Claudet gasped as she entered the breakfast room. 

“Miss Heywood!” she said. “What be ye’ doing here, and already with a fire lit?” she asked. 

Charlotte blushed and shivered. “I was out for an early walk along the shore.” 

The woman laughed. “Up before the first crow's cock?” she asked and frowned. “Something must be troubling ye,” she whispered. 

Sighing Charlotte nodded. “Troubled all the more by the day it would seem.” 

Mrs. Claudet came to the table and sat a seat beside her. 

“Be it that your sister has caught the eye of Mr. Stringer that bothers you?” she asked. 

Charlotte shook her head. “No, I wish it were that trivial.” 

Mrs. Claudet nodded. “Then It is Mr. Parker who has you walking the cold shores at dawn.” she clucked her tongue disapprovingly. “You must be needing a cup of tea to fortify against the cold you let soak into your bones, let me go fetch it fer' you Miss.” 

Charlotte blushed at the cook's insight at her conflict of the heart and winced. If Miss Claudet was the sort to talk openly she would be worried, but the woman knew how to keep her tongue about what she needed to and what secrets to share or fabricate to trade information among other servants. 

The morning went by without incident as to the visiting hours, those were another thing entirely. Seemed there was a rumor on the streets of Sanditon that all was not well in a certain Parker Home and Charlotte remained aloof as she tried not to seem interested as the conversation surrounded the conduct of Mrs. Eliza Parker. 

But that was impossible as she hung on every word Lady Burell imparted as she nearly spilled her tea on her expensive silks as she animatedly told them of the secret nightly trysts the woman was rumored to have engaged for years. 

“How very shocking.” Lady Suzan looked to Charlotte then to Alison who was acting overly engaged in the conversation.

“Such a handsome man. Why would anyone betray him?” Alison asked innocently and sipped her cup and looked to Charlotte. 

Lady Burell nodded. “Handsome indeed, he is,” she fanned herself. “If I were but younger, and well…” she laughed. “I can't imagine why such a woman would act in such a way, but he has seemed to been forced to comport himself in such a public way. It is beyond reproach.” 

Lady Suzan frowned. “Public way?” she asked. 

The woman nodded. “He very openly vacated the apartment they were sharing this afternoon. I only just saw the trunks being loaded and their daughter at his side.” she sipped. “It was quietly whispered as you know but now openly said they were living apart for many years before as he would take advantage of his work here and she stayed in London.” she laughed. “And with so many admirers it makes one wonder if Lord Sellac is her first….romp,” she said cheekily.

Lady Suzan cocked her head. “And where has Mr. Parker gone to?” she asked lifting her delicate cup. “perhaps his brother's house?” she asked. 

Lady Burell nodded. “Yes, for the time being, it seems but there too are rumors that there will be a vacancy here in Grandview and I wondered if it was you that was leaving?” she asked. 

Lady Susan blinked and looked to Charlotte and then finally sipped with a frown. 

“No.” She said with hesitancy. “I have budding business here and intend to see it through, perhaps even a season or two longer.” 

Lady Burell frowned and looked to the young ladies. “So you all will be neighbors?” she asked. 

Susan spoke instead of requiring reply from Charlotte. 

“Lady Burell you are the bearer of this news. I could not claim to know anything about our neighbors to come,” she replied putting her cup to the table. 

Charlotte’s hand trembled but she tried to quell her unease. 

“Charlotte, I think I heard Miss Claudet,” she said suddenly. “Will you and Alison go and see to it that the dinner order is well in hand?” she asked. 

Charlotte frowned but then quickly understood her directive. Her anxiety was showing and Lady Susan had contrived of an excuse for her to leave the meeting. 

“It was very lovely to see you, Miss Heywood.” Lady Burell said softly as she tried to smooth over any past ruffled feathers. 

Charlotte nodded. “The feeling is mutual Lady Burell,” she said taking her sister with her from the room. “So lovely,” she whispered as Alison echoed the same. 

“Mr. Parker has openly left his wife.” Alison mused a little too loudly as they were barely out of earshot. 

Charlotte shushed her. 

“What?” her sister asked irritated to be shut down and not understand why. 

Charlotte sighed. “She is the town gossip. We don’t need her gossip on us,” she said twisting her finger. 

Alison proceeded to the kitchen but Charlotte went up the back servant stair. 

“I thought we were to Claudet to check on the dinner order?” she asked.  


Charlotte shook her head. “Mrs. Claudet has never once needed her orders checked. That was just a favor to allow me to leave the woman’s presence.” 

Moving to follow Allison wished to know more. “I knew the news of Mr. Parker's drama was connected to you.” 

Charlotte shook her head. “Why would I have anything to do with their marriage and its state?” she asked. “I was in the same audience. I thought this was about Mrs. Parker’s behavior, not his.” she protested. 

Alison shook her head. “No… And now the scheme of moving to GrandView. Do you suppose he could be moving here to be closer to you?” 

Charlotte shook her head. “The apartments are taken at the moment. I should not find myself overly concerned with all that,” she said escaping to her room. “Please excuse me,” she said breathlessly. 

Closing the door behind her mind raced. 

Their kiss, his sudden departure from his wife’s shared home… Her heart was set to racing and she feared. 

A knock sounded on the door and it was Lady Susan. 

“Oh good, I have not found you packing.” She said with a smile. 

Charlotte was sitting in her chair looking at the ocean. 

“I should be, should I not?” she asked. “I am in danger of being entangled with the scandal of the year.” 

Lady Susan nodded. “I suppose you are. That is if you have made actions towards such behaviors yourself.” 

Charlotte looked crestfallen. 

“He asked me to meet him this morning. He claimed it was to have a proper, final conversation. One that would see us through a lifetime without them.” 

Susan moved to the bed and sat down as she listened to her dear friend's confession. 

“It is my understanding that you were out this morning very early.” Susan cocked her head sentimentally. Her eyes shining. 

Charlotte nodded. “I tried to fight it. To leave it, but I imagined him alone on the sand waiting for me,” she said a tear trailing down her cheek. “I had to go.” 

Susan nodded. “And I am to gather that this was not a goodbye it should have been since he has gone and left his wife and looks to take apartments so very near.” her face suspicious. 

Charlotte shook her head. “I have no idea what it was. He kissed me and I kissed back… I am not sure I can fight what I feel for him.” her breath caught. “So far I am uncompromised but I fear how I will look in your eyes, or everyone else’s for that matter.” 

Lady Susan scoffed. “Well at this point, you won't look any worse than Mrs. Parker herself.” she grew serious. “Did anyone see you?”  


Charlotte shook her head. “I do not think so, we were so far.” 

Susan smiled. “Then you will be as you should in public, and perhaps participate in a quiet affair that does not compromise your chastity and honor…” she cautioned. “And in time, with proper encouragement and desire he will do the right thing for himself, and you.” 

Charlotte frowned. “And what is that?” 

Lady Susan laughed. “Why, divorce his wife and marry you since we both know you will entertain no other it seems.” 

A pang of discomfort washed over her as she recalled the confession Sidney had made to her, asking for her confidence. He was in no need of a divorce. All he would need is an annulment but that would destroy Eliza, and Flora and she could understand why Sidney would not tread that path. But even divorce was not likely. 

“But Flora.” Charlotte protested. 

Susan nodded. “Is still tainted by the mother and her behavior. It has gone public now. Divorce is less of a scandal for him than what could come if she is allowed to continue.” Susan shrugged. “On the other hand Divorce is monumentally disastrous for her.” 

Charlotte frowned. “I do not wish to think about such things. To even bring it to mind to hope.” she moaned. “Fills me with dread.” 

Lady Susan shrugged. “Well, we will know soon enough what your paramour's plans are.” 

Sighing in the chair she closed her eyes fatigued by lack of sleep and the emotional dramas that unfolded around her. 

“You seem tired.” Lady Susan said. “Would you like to be excused from dinner?” she asked. 

Charlotte yawned and shook her head. “No, but perhaps just a short rest, and after a cup of strong tea to revive.” she tried to laugh. 

Lady Susan went to her and patted her cheek. “I am proud of you.” she smiled. “You lept. Sidney Parker is a man who needs a partner to show him it is alright to jump.”

Charlotte frowned confused. “He kissed me first.” 

Nodding knowingly. “Men have less control, but if you had pushed from him he would have respected it. You have to leap for him to…” she told her again. “You are still in the race. Eliza just caught him in a trap, didn’t she?” 

Charlotte looked at her friend shocked. “How do you…?” she whispered. 

Susan smiled. “I have seen traps like hers laid before.” she looked to the door. “I shan’t even whisper its nature for fear that there are ears that can overhear but it does him credit, but it does you more to fight for him now.” 

Charlotte's breath caught as she realized Lady Susan was now practically advising her to scandal. 

“But Charlotte, you must be careful,” she whispered.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I need your help! 
> 
> You have all been such a support reading my Sanditon work, but could you please just spare my original short story a gander? I submitted it for the chance to win $20,000 dollars in a short story competition with Vocal Media. 
> 
> Here is the link. Just copy paste. https://vocal.media/stories/call-of-the-black-book
> 
> All I need is reads, but there is tips and what not if you REALLY LOVE MY WORK. wink wink. I love you all.

Eliza glared at her shadow guard who could be found outside the checkered window. 

Sidney had been true to his word. He had indeed kept a man on her tail and she had been unable to make a move without being seen and reported on. 

It had been half a week and she had not seen her husband though she had politely asked for an audience with him, twice. 

It seemed every time she went to call on Trafalgar house they were occupied. Never in the past had she been turned from the door. In fact, all the doors seemed to be closed to her since Sidney’s rather public departure from their shared home. It had been all over Sanditon before the break of dawn the next morning. 

Thinking it all really very dramatic she thought it would blow over in time when Sidney’s temper cooled. But it did not. 

Feeling overly hot in the haberdasheries shop she tried to look busy instead of troubled by the judgemental glances spared her direction. 

This wasn’t to be born. She simply needed to leave for London, and soon. Of course, the scandal would follow her there, but at least not every door would slam in her face. Surely she would still have a friend, and not be followed so closely by Sidney’s hired man. 

Looking down she thought of her broken dressing table and adornments and decided to order the most expensive things on display. If Sidney wished to play this game, then she would play. 

Waving the shop owner to her she smiled. “Yes, I would like to purchase this” she pointed her delicate hand ghosting over things selectively with a glint in her eye. “These.” she smiled to a silver comb and brush. “Put it on my husband's account.” 

The owner frowned. “Mrs. Parker, your husband said you cannot purchase anything on his bill since he is… eh hem.” he cleared his throat looking at her with disapproval. “You have pin money I am certain.” 

She blushed and blustered. “Then on credit.” 

He shook his head. “I am afraid I cannot, considering the rumors. You could be…” he said with hesitation. 

Eliza looked like she would shriek. 

“How dare you,” she said coldly. “Why we renovated this shop!” she said looking around her. 

He nodded. “Yes, and because of that, I cannot go against Mr. Sidney Parkers wishes, since it was he that renovated. I am not sure you were here more than a hand full of days that year.” he nodded. “Treated my wife quite rudely, you did.” he crossed his arms. “Now is there anything else I can help you with?” 

She recoiled at his maintenance of manners though he insulted her to the very core. 

Leaving the shop she found the shadow follow her. Suddenly she found him. Her husband in the street just down the lane. 

“Sidney!” she shouted and waved hopeful but he did not look up. Perhaps he did not hear. 

Looking to her right she saw Lord Sellac and she felt her breath hitch. They had been unable to see each other since that night since he had left that morning without waking her. 

He was exiting his carriage and his eyes fell on her in recognition but then looked away almost in disgust. Her cheeks burned. Of course, she was imagining things. He would not look on her thus. He just could not feed the scandal. 

Glancing back to her guardian she rolled her eyes and then hurried to try to catch up to her husband. 

“Sidney.” she again shouted, now causing a scene. 

He stopped and his back straightened as if he recognized the voice. 

“Eliza,” he said as if it tasted harsh and bitter on the tongue. 

She shook her head. “Am I not to even see my child?” 

He smirked and then followed the expression with a frown. “So that is your angle?” he shook his head. “Madam, Flora is your only card.” 

Eliza shook her head. “A child is not a card.” 

He nodded. “I know that.” 

She glared at him. “I was at the haberdashery and they said I cannot put anything on your account.” she nervously blinked up at him. 

He nodded. “Until I decide what to do, you have your pin money, that is if you have not exceeded it as you often do.” 

Looking around them on the street with people not openly watching but trying to gain a piece of the conversation to compare to the other pieces the others overheard. They passed. 

“Look at us!” she cried. “I am not received anywhere.” 

He nodded. “Well, that is by actions of your own making. I do believe I told you years ago I did not appreciate the potential gossip I would suffer. Me…” he scowled. “A cuckold.” leaning forward for privacy. “It perhaps is good that in truth I am not, but you are still and always will be a fallen woman.” he smiled. 

Her glare hurt her own eyes as tears almost sprung. 

“So you will pursue divorce?” she asked. 

Looking down he swallowed. “The taint of divorce is still a harsh one on a child,” he said. “I am still weighing my options. Sending you to the country, or an asylum could be far more preferable…” 

Her mouth flew open again to hear the threat of the asylum. 

“But to have madness in the family, it's worse than divorce or a fallen mother. But it would satisfy me for the anger I hold against you,” he confessed. “But no, do not fear. I will not lock you up in a madhouse,” he said and turned. “Is that all Eliza?” 

She shook her head. “No…Please,” she whispered. “In a few days can we not have tea?” she tried to appeal to reason and calm. Charm even.  
He shook his head. “No. I have many engagements at present.” he nodded. “Good day Eliza.” 

Watching him leave she had never felt so utterly dismissed. 

Practically stomping her way back to their modest apartments she felt more resentful of it than ever. Not only was she reduced in standing but she did not even have a lofty apartment to retreat to. A place to nurse her slights from a harsh society. 

Slamming the door her maid came running. 

“Would you like tea Mrs. Parker?” her voice shook. 

Eliza nodded. “Yes, and I would also like to send for Dr. Foughs,” she said pressing her hand to her head. She felt dizzy and her heart pounded. 

The maid simply nodded but did not seem to rush. 

“Go!” She demanded frustrated.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have my story up on that competition. It would mean a lot if you read it if you have not already.   
> Here is the link. Some people say the link does not work, and I have a theory it is the browser, or it does not work on some phones.   
> Again, just a theory, because the link seems to work for about half the people. Lol.   
> Thank you guys SO MUCH. 
> 
> https://vocal.media/humans/call-of-the-black-book

Sidney was never known to be a patient man. Something about the events of late had sharpened that impatience to a razor's edge and he could hardly be around his brother Tom much longer, and the apartment on Grand View was just now being made available and in just two days he would be able to take residency. 

Slipping his timepiece into his pocket he was awaiting an appointment to employ a governess for Flora. And his prospective interview candidate was late which was not going to bode well. 

Frustrated he went to the foyer and groaned. “Has word been sent?” he asked. 

The manservant of Tom’s shook his head. 

The bell rang moments later, his ears perking up and he turned to the study to ready himself. 

“Thank you.” Came a familiar voice. “Is Mary in?” 

Sidney moved to the hall and he snuck a look down the hall just out of sight to see Charlotte. Her cheeks were rosy. His gut felt punched. He had done everything in his power to give her a wide berth for a time as he let the scandal and commotion die down. She knew his feelings about her, and yet also realized she was afraid of him and their mutual feelings for each other. 

“Miss Heywood!” came a happy cry from the other room. 

His heart constricted as he heard Charlotte laugh at his daughter's greeting.

“Miss Parker!” she exclaimed. “I thought you would be about,” Charlotte said crouching low to see the little girl eye to eye. 

Flora shook her head. “No, papa is seeking a governess for me, and I must wait to meet her first before he takes me out to play.” she moaned. “Will you come collect seashells with us?” she asked. 

Charlotte smiled. “No, I think perhaps…” 

A knock sounded at the door and she looked at the footman as he answered. 

A woman curtsied. “Pardon, Please give my regrets to Mr. Parker,” she said with a tense tone. “I am afraid I cannot take the position,” she said handing off the envelope. 

Charlotte stood and called out to the footman. “Wait a moment,” she said before turning back to Flora. “Go back to your playthings my dear, I will be but a moment,” she said and went to the door as if she were the lady of the house and not just a visitor herself. 

“I am Miss Heywood. Can I help you, Miss?” She said. 

The woman who looked just a little older than she turned up her nose and looked at Charlotte as if just a servant. “I am afraid you cannot unless you can be counted upon to pass on a message to your employer,” she said sternly. 

Charlotte blushed. Her dress was fine, and her hair was done up well. How could she be mistaken so easily, even still as common? 

“And what message can I be expected to pass on to Mr. Tom Parker?” she asked politely. 

The woman sighed. “No, no… Mr. Sidney Parker.” She passed off the note. “Tell him Miss Barns cannot possibly work for him under the current conditions of his status.” 

Charlotte blinked and looked down at the envelope now in her hands. 

“His status?” she asked suddenly sharp. 

The woman nodded. “The family has scandal all around them. I would taint my very profession and potential of future work to provide for his daughter. Had I known I would not have made so far a trip.” she said, her tone dripping with irritation. “At great personal expense and discomfort, I may add.” 

Charlotte’s temper flared at the woman’s insolence. “Well if you had been a good governess I could imagine you would have secured at the very least ten years of honest and steady employment, but since that is so very beneath you, I think it fortunate Mr. Parker finds out now.” She had snapped. 

Sidney still listening from the hall found himself in awe of her defense of his daughter. And if it was possible he was falling for her even more. 

“Flora is a bright child and a credit to all who meet her. I do think you are the one who will suffer the loss of her society.” Charlotte finished and nodded. “Good day.” and slammed the door. 

Sidney had moved to the hall as the door closed. 

“You can leave us.” He said to the footman. 

Charlotte turned and gasped a little. “Mr. Parker,” she whispered. “Apologies, I should not have taken the liberty.” 

He leaned on the doorframe and smiled. “No, perhaps not,” he smirked and looked her up and down. “Are you well?” 

She nodded. “Quite well.” she swallowed nervously. She had known there would be a chance to run into him there, but she had found it unlikely as it was in the middle of a business day.

He shifted from the wall and moved closer. “Mmmh,” he answered. “And you have heard we are to be neighbors?” he asked a little nervously. 

She blinked and looked down equal in her anxiety. “I had heard some rumor.” 

He chuckled and nodded as he tried to shrug it off. “Many of those seem to be flying about,” he noted. 

She ventured her gazed to meet his once again and he smiled when hers met his. 

“So you search for a governess?” she asked as they both found ease for a moment. Their faces relaxed in their familiarity. 

He rolled his eyes and stepped closer. “Yes, I do not wish Flora’s education to suffer and turn to manipulations as her mother has.” 

Charlotte frowned and nodded. “Perhaps I could help, well…” she hesitated. “Until that is you find someone suitable and with more tenderness of heart.” she offered. 

The smile that spread across his face was uncontrollable. “I think that will be near to impossible beside you.” he whispered. 

Their eyes connected and the silence stretched a moment. 

Sidney whispered. “You don’t know how to not help, do you?” he asked. 

Always admiring her blush she was flushed with it now. 

“I feel sympathy for the child,” she whispered, showing sensitivity for the possibility that Flora overheard them. 

Moving closer still he nodded. “Then I accept your proposal. Until I find someone else,” he whispered and reached his hand out to touch her cheek. He sensed that she held her breath. He did as well. The memory of their kiss no longer a shadowed recollection, five years deep in fog, but newly branded upon his lips and he could almost feel them against his own again. 

“Mr. Parker,” she said with a shaking breath. 

He nodded close to her body. His nose inhaling her breath. “Charlotte?” 

She stepped from him. “I came to see Mary, but it seems she is on house calls. I should-“ 

Going for his hat and cane he smiled. “Flora and I were to the beach with her cousins to collect shells. I do believe she extended you an invitation.” 

Smiling politely Charlotte shook her head. “You must give my regrets, I should-“ 

“We have business discuss now,” he suggested. “Of Flora, and what that will look like with your responsibilities to Lady Worcester, and I must have a concrete set time of reliance on you for her sake and your compensation. I do think we can discuss that on our excursion without arousing too much talk. What with so many children about as our keepers?” he suggested. 

Charlotte swallowed and nodded. “I suppose you are right, but perhaps we could take a servant?” she suggested. 

He nodded. “If it would make you more comfortable.” 

“It would,” she said seriously.


End file.
